I have identified your problem…

17 February 2006
Comments (1)
“For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” – St. Paul
 
It will seem like I’m leaving the theme of my last email concerning how we need to approach the Bible, but I’m not really.
 
It all comes back to this. Every time. Without exception. Every problem you are having, every bit of suffering you embrace, every complaint you have, every issue that you have with any other person or circumstance, it is present simply because you are looking out for your own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.
 
Test it. See if it is true.
 
When you think it is okay to attack someone in any way…see if it is true.
When you are feeling pity for yourself because of some unfair circumstance…see if it is true.
When you are feeling oppressed by your financial challenges…see if it is true.
When your marriage is rocky…see if it is true.
When your kids/parents don’t satisfy you…see if it is true.
 
It is true. And everyone does it. Everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. This one thing is the source of any suffering you do.
 
When I am looking out for Jesus Christ’s interests, I am glad to peacefully withhold attacking someone even when I have the “right” to.
When I am looking out for Jesus Christ’s interests, I joyfully accept all “unfair” circumstances as God’s way of making me more like Him.

When I am looking out for Jesus Christ’s interests, I know “financial challenges” to be God’s invitation to trust Him more practically, and not just theoretically.

When I am looking out for Jesus Christ’s interests, I love to suffer for my spouse, and the more unfair my spouse is, the more I get to love her like Christ loved me.

When I am looking out for Jesus Christ’s interests, I know that my kids and parents don’t need to change one thing to be the perfect teachers that God intends them to be in the shaping of my character and priorities.
 
Only when I am looking out for my interests do problems arise in my life.
 
And only when I approach the Bible looking out for my own interests (my salvation), rather than Jesus Christ’s interests (God’s glory), do I make it something that it is not supposed to be. Approach the Bible in order to become a reflection of God’s glory, and you will find your salvation, both of which are Jesus. Approach the Bible strictly for your own interest at being saved, and you will find a bunch of rules telling you how to be saved, and even if you follow those rules to the letter externally, you might miss Jesus.

The Bible and the Word of God

9 February 2006
Comments (9)

“You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.” — The Lord Jesus

“The fish trap exists because of the fish.  Once you’ve gotten the fish you can forget the trap.  The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you’ve gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare.  Words exist because they capture meaning.  Once you’ve got the meaning, you can forget the words.  Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?” — Chuang Tzu

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written, so I hope you’ve enjoyed the break! So here’s another honest expression from my (often imperfect) thinking, but beware….

For life-long, Bible-believing Christians who have already settled into the truth that they are willing to discover and don’t want to figure out where they might be able to have a belief system that is a bit “truer” than what they already know, this email is rated R – Restricted. You’re not even allowed to read it without me sitting there with you. This is one of those emails that if Jesus was writing, I think he would give us one of those, “He who has an ear, let him hear” things.

I have known what I am about to tell you for a long time. And I have lived by it much longer than I’ve been aware of it, more unintentionally by God’s grace than by wisdom, smarts, and informed decision making processes.

To say it out loud, at least in the way that I’m going to say it to you in this writing, may be the most provocative way of doing so, but I want you to bear with me (because this is a deeply emotional part of my faith) and then read the explanation that follows (because, admittedly, it’s not as heretical as it sounds at first). Ready? Buckled in? Okay…here it comes…

The Bible is not the Word of God.

Okay, I said it out loud. I’m out there. Now let me explain.

The Greek word for “Bible” is “graphe”. The Greek word for “Word” is “logos”. The “graphe” is not the “logos”. When you read “Word of God” in Scripture, that is the word Logos (except twice, where it is the word “rhema”). When you read the word “Scripture” in Scripture, that’s the word “graphe”. And graphe and logos are NOT synonyms.

The graphe is the book full of pages that you can hold in your hand and contains a collection of writings and letters that have been assembled and then called the Bible. I have read every graphe (scripture) there is in the New Testament that mentions the graphe. The graphe, according to graphe, is here to be read, to be known, and to be believed. We are to search them, fulfill them, reason out of them, and learn from them. Graphe is inspired by God, and they cannot be broken,  

As powerful as that is, the logos is more so. The Logos is what God is trying to get into your head and heart and soul and spirit in any way he can, which includes through the graphe. The Logos, according to the graphe, is what has power! The Logos (not the Bible) was with God in the beginning, the Logos was actually God! The Logos of God is what God means by the Bible, the Logos of God is what God is, the Logos of God is what He packaged in the flesh and told an angel to tell Joseph to name it Jesus. The Logos of God, the Word of God, IS GOD!!!

I don’t know about you, but my mind has been programmed: When I read “Word of God,” I think “Bible.” As a tragic result, I started out my Christian walk relying on the Bible for things that I can only really rely on the Word of God for.

I know it seems a bit trivial, and God knows that I wish it was. But it is not…not for me, at least. When Scripture is relied on as “the Word of God” rather than as a means of pointing us to “the Word of God”, we start elevating the Bible to a place that the Bible is trying to elevate Jesus to.

Don’t believe me? Then go back to the top of this email and tell me why Jesus said what he said there?

The graphe, according to graphe, is the authority on (and one of many useful tools) for one ultimate thing…pointing us to the person of Jesus (the Logos) for salvation.   

So I am diligently studying Scripture right now to see what Scripture says about Scripture. And guess what? It is an invaluable, useful, potentially life-saving, life-giving agent for life transformation and eternal salvation! But only if it is used as words recorded for us from God which will point us to the true Word of God…Jesus Christ.

Here’s the clarifying question…when you go before God, do you wanna go with your Bible in your hand or Jesus holding your hand? With one you can show God how you followed His rules. With the other, you can be saved.

What Passion Would Look Like in Me, Were You to See it…

29 December 2005
Comments (2)
Master: “Do you know the Holy Scriptures?”
Disciple: “Not really. Though my eyes have scanned their pages many times and many of it’s stories are in my head.”
Master: “Yes! I have asked the same question of you many times and received a much different response! How have you come to realize the difference between believing and becoming?”
Disciple: “I come to it when simple knowledge in my head, however true and however much, leaves me still longing for life.”
Master: “You diligently have studied the Scriptures because you have thought that by them you will have eternal life. These Scriptures are there to point you to intimacy with me. Refuse no longer to in reality come to me for the life you seek.”
                                    — The dialogue in my head, after reading both a story from Paramahasa Yogananda and John 5:39-40
 
In my wisest moments, I would give up anything for intimacy with Christ.
 
I would sacrifice every spiritual practice that I hold important and necessary for life and salvation, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would be willing to be alone, even without my family and friends, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would give up my capacity to walk, talk, smell, see, hear, touch and any physical health, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would sacrifice my ability to help out any of my fellow man, materially or emotionally, mentally or spiritually, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would be without every conceivable material comfort and security on earth, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would willingly delete everything I know about the Bible, never to be remembered again, if I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would never lay my eyes again on the beauty of canyons, mountains, waterfalls, oceans, caves, and everything else in nature, if I could have real intimacy with Christ.

I would gladly give up the profoundest thoughts, ones that could lead me to high esteem in the eyes of great spiritual men, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.

I would let go of my right to rest, exercise, and eat and drink freely, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would sacrifice athletic ability, sharpness of mind, capacity to lead and influence others, and any high and noble dream, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would gladly be forgotten by all mankind, and even make no lasting mark on my own children, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would be wrong on every detail of every issue with every human being with whom I came into contact/conflict with, and it be shown in a publicly humiliating way, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
I would suffer overwhelming defeat in the face of any sort of test, battle, competition, or endeavor, if only I could have real intimacy with Christ.
 
But I don’t have many moments within which I am this wise. I know this because I pursue these other things with great fervor and zeal, and usually attain them, and yet crave something else.
 
And as I wrote the above statements in an exercise of discerning what my ego’s greatest attachments are, and faced the prospect of sharing it with all of you, I started wondering if it is even right to long for Jesus’ personal presence in such a way. Then as if in answer, I thought of the below words of Jesus, affirming me I think…daring me to trust him…
 
“Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” – Luke 14:33
And then as if to affirm me one more time (as God has patiently done with me all of my life because of my denseness and unwillingness), he cast my eyes on the following words from Charles Spurgeon’s Daily Devotional (this happened JUST NOW…)…
 
“What think ye of Christ?” –Matthew 22:42

The great test of your soul’s health is, What think you of Christ? Is He to you “fairer than the children of men”–“the chief among ten thousand”–the “altogether lovely”? Wherever Christ is thus esteemed, all the faculties of the spiritual man exercise themselves with energy. I will judge of your piety by this barometer: does Christ stand high or low with you? If you have thought little of Christ, if you have been content to live without His presence, if you have cared little for His honour, if you have been neglectful of His laws, then I know that your soul is sick–God grant that it may not be sick unto death! But if the first thought of your spirit has been, How can I honour Jesus? If the daily desire of your soul has been, “O that I knew where I might find Him!” I tell you that you may have a thousand infirmities, and even scarcely know whether you are a child of God at all, and yet I am persuaded, beyond a doubt, that you are safe, since Jesus is great in your esteem. I care not for thy rags, what thinkest thou of His royal apparel? I care not for thy wounds, though they bleed in torrents, what thinkest thou of His wounds? are they like glittering rubies in thine esteem? I think none the less of thee, though thou liest like Lazarus on the dunghill, and the dogs do lick thee–I judge thee not by thy poverty: what thinkest thou of the King in His beauty? Has He a glorious high throne in thy heart? Wouldst thou set Him higher if thou couldst? Wouldst thou be willing to die if thou couldst but add another trumpet to the strain which proclaims His praise? Ah! then it is well with thee. Whatever thou mayst think of thyself, if Christ be great to thee, thou shalt be with Him ere long.

“Though all the world my choice deride,
Yet Jesus shall my portion be;
For I am pleased with none beside,
The fairest of the fair is He”

 
 

The Life of Flying

16 December 2005
Comments (3)
Hey Team:
 
My son Jakin, 2 years old, will jump from anything when I am near, whether I am ready or not to catch him or protect him from harm. He’s too young (and has been too successful in his jumping) to think that his dad won’t come through for him when he’s on the edge of a “cliff” (be it the side of swimming pool, the arm of a couch or chair, or the side of a bunk bed).
 
If you can get past the “floweriness” of what is about to come out of my e-pen, and the attached video clip link, you will enjoy another glimpse into my deep heart for you, but even more for “us” — the us that has been called together, called to jump in actual faith, and called to live in ways we have not known or considered possible thus far.
 
I couldn’t help but think of this staff when I watched the video link…(and you may have to read this, watch the video, then read it again).
 
Children, all of us…at least Jesus says that we are supposed to be. And that we cannot enter into the Kingdom of Heaven without being such, either.
 
But we children have forgotten. We have pretend to be adults and have been and are still daily about our life’s busy-ness. Even if it is in the name of Christ, even if it is in our ministry and service to the church, we often go about doing our busy, powerless things.
 
Some of us living safely behind a mask, always deciding whether, when, and how to take it off or put it back on.
Some us are sleeping, unaware of the community around us and our need for real connection with them.
Some of us are out there hanging out, around many, many people, but still alone.
Some of us are building things from the material that happens to surround us because it is there, and because it feel productive, and others even admire it.
Some of us are working hard, and even together with another, but maybe doing something that is more destructive than true.
 
But Jesus passes by, and is still passing by, into our world and calling for our attention with his little drum. He is calling for our attention from what we are doing, and to himself and where he is going. Asking us to line up to His “beat”. To go where he goes, just like he is going. To be like him in what he is doing and what he is going to do.
 
Although it is what grabs our attention, and is the sound that we march to, the actual drum beat he uses isn’t the point. It’s not the drum we follow, but the Drummer. And the leaving of what we were doing isn’t the point, either. While it is great to stop doing the things that are useless, he didn’t pass by to just stop us, he passed by to get us going. Yes, he has intentions for us. Incredible intentions.
 
If we follow him, it will be to a nearby cliff. He looks up at the cliff and invites us to do the same. The cliff has always been there, we just never look at it like is. We look at it as a dangerous place. Beautiful to look from, but dangerous, threatening accidental death if you get too close, and guaranteeing it if you were to jump.
 
But he looks at it differently. He looks at is as a means to an end…no, maybe as an entry point to a beginning. The beginning of what? The beginning of our becoming what he intends for us.
 
And he intends for us to fly. He intends for us to experience his Father and each other in ways that can not be experienced in our fleshly activity, even if that activity is done in Christ’s name, even if that activity is done together.
 
The problem is we don’t know how to fly. We don’t even know if flying is realistic or if it really is God’s will. And we don’t know if anyone else with us is really about to jump and find out.
 
So Jesus comes himself, once and for all 2000 years ago, but over and over with each of us each day, and he calls us to follow him where he leads…off the cliff, into our fear, against the laws of nature, in order to experience together, with him, His Father’s unbelievable power and love.
 
As I personally continue my journey towards the “life of flying” with God and with you, I am always tempted to stay on the cliff and just call it ‘flying with God’…and it seems I can find plenty of people to agree with me. But, alone with God, there is no one to impress or convince but me, and I always must look down at my feet and see that they are still often safely standing on land. And even though the view from the cliff is awesome, my heart of hearts knows that the cliff is not there to give me an great view…it’s there to give me my launching spot.
 
Following Jesus is what I want to do, because I love his love for me so much and want to be just like him. But another powerful motivation for me to follow him is represented right at the end of the video, the little one who walks behind the main group up to the edge, hesitates to get his footing, and then jumps. That little boy overwhelmed me with thoughts of Jakin, my youngest son, who would so blindly follow me anywhere even if it looked impossible. Threatening views don’t look threatening to him when I am there. 
 
He trusts me (and others want to). Where am I leading him? To the freedom of Christ that comes only by following Christ off the cliff of fear and weakness into incredible, unbelievable life? Or to a fraudulent “pretty good life” that he too can grow up into adult-likeness and learn to effectively present it as the incredible, unbelievable life?
 
I don’t know what the creator of this video clip intended, but when I lost myself in it (a fairly cool endeavor in and of itself), the above is what came to me. Check it out, if you are so compelled. Consider this another invitation to you to try something you haven’t before…jumping, if you will…and seeing if God ends up being there in it for you like He was for me. I’d really love to hear what (or who) you find.
 
 
In any event, know that I love you all, and am grateful for the common following we are doing, and the flying we work to believe is possible.
 

 
 

How My Children are Raising Me

29 November 2005
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“Why is it so hard to believe that God intends our children to train us just as much as he intends us to train and guide our children?” – Dan Allender, in his book, How Children Raise Parents
 
“A change in our perspective will not only increase our joy and freedom in parenting, but in the long run it will invite our children to become coheirs [with us] of eternal life.” – Dan Allendar
 
Here is what I wrote to my 5-year-old son, Shade, late last night in his journal:
 
I think I learned a valuable lesson from you today about being a good dad.
 
You’ve been quite a whiner all day today, struggled to be kind (especially with your sister Callie), and also ‘bent the truth’ a few times when it seemed like it would get you what you wanted in the short term. This not to say you’ve done no good today — on the contrary, you’ve shared joyfully, played and laughed willingly with the whole family, shown special care for your brother Jakin who is sick, and even remembered to bring up a ‘talk’ I needed to have with you at the end of the day that I told you we had to have about your behavior from this morning when I had forgotten. You are a good boy, even on your worst days.
 
When I started to talk to you about this behavior, you also talked to me about mine. You said, “Your like the dad of Chicken Little!” (We went and saw that movie together today. The whole thing was about how Chicken Little’s dad didn’t believe his son.)
 
“How am I like Chicken Little’s dad?” I decided to humbly ask, allowing the conversation to become about me, sensing that I probably needed this.
 
“You don’t ever believe me when I’m not being nice!” you replied.
 
I reflected back instantly, not just on the day, but on our entire relationship history (all 5 years!). I realized that you were right. Whenever I have already ‘busted’ you for not nice behavior, I don’t believe you, and am skeptical and questioning and doubting towards you about anything you say. It started occurring to me that this skepticism might be creating an anxiety in you that would actually produce the pressure in you to feel like you might need to protect yourself from me by lying…
 
And then, AS I WAS THINKING THIS VERY THING, you said, “…and it makes me very, very, very, very nervous!” (!!!)
 
I felt like I was in a scene from the movie, The Butterfly Effect, where you jumped back from your adult or teenage years into your 5-year-old body in order to correct me from issuing years of this subtle poison into our relationship. I promptly apologized to you for not believing you. And I am so sorry. I’ve been thinking about it all evening and have come to this conclusion which is revolutionary for me, and I hope transformational (and formational) for both of us:
 
It is more important for me to believe you than it is for me to correct your behavior.  
 
I may struggle with this, son, as we go, and I will still lovingly correct your behavior, but I would rather get personally hurt by your lie than have you be personally hurt by my mistrust or disbelief in you.
 
I love you, Shade, and with every step I take as your father, I take it humbly and prayerful to God that He make useful to you and a help for you — that He make me your truest friend. And again, son, I’m sorry for mistakes I’ve made, am making, and will make. May God use even these in showing you Himself – your only perfect Father.”
 
What struck me so dramatically was Shade’s use of the word “nervous” in his “it makes me…” phrase. I would expect him to say mad, or sad, or maybe even “not like you”, but nervous is what he said. I so totally get this nervous feeling that can be caused by someone else’s skepticism, especially when it’s aimed directly at me.
 
I never want to be a carrier of that with anyone…most of all my sons or daughter. 

Anxious for my NEXT trial

13 November 2005
Comments (3)
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” – The Apostle Paul
 
“Some of my battles seem embarrassing to me because they come in the midst of my greatest blessings. Some seem humiliating because they are recurring. Some seem petty because they are so small compared to those of others. Some I think I should hide because they don’t really exist outside of my own heart. Some I think I should just let go and “get over” (meaning: ignore) because they are common to all men, and that’s how they deal with them. But I must embrace my battles as battles and learn their great lessons, allowing them to mold me and make me into what I am becoming. You see, my God loves me enough to send me more obvious and impressive trials if I need them to move more comfortably into the refining fire of struggle.” – Yours truly
 
My Father:
 
As I sit on a Saturday night thinking about a speech I will be giving to a group of Christians in Amarillo, TX tomorrow morning, the tug-of-war between the “desire to perform well” and the “desire to experience Christ” has begun once again.
 
What must I do to be saved from such petty thoughts and fears? What must I become in order to be without this recurring trial?
 
When my thoughts are on You alone, and I surrender all desires but You Yourself, I find perfect peace and easy sleep.
 
Your son is so incredible. His friend John said that if all the things that Jesus did in a mere 3 years of ministry were written down, there would not be enough volumes to contain it. And the few scenes recorded in the Gospels are more than enough to fill my life with all that is needed to know him and live life to the full, and to never stop growing in both.
 
What irony it is that I am speaking tomorrow on “calling”. I am grateful for your call to salvation, and to the life of calling that I get to now live. I thank You for such leading that I feel I am in the very spot on the face of this planet that you intend for me to be.
 
And yet, the Enemy manages to steal my joy in it tonight.
 
These moments of discomfort will pass, I’ve learned many times, and for that I am also grateful. The joy of my calling will rush back in and I will thrill in it once again. But I look longingly now for the “fine-tuning” you are doing to me, the “adjustments” you are making in my life, and the “movement” of my soul that will re-orient me in a way that I will bring more glory to You. What I have experienced in the past gives me faith that my current discomfort is serving that purpose for my forthcoming future.
 
And so I wait. This “suffering” is not too much for me, and is so much less than many of my fellow man, yet this one is mine. It is an honor to have it, and I embrace it for the refining tool of my life that it is, anxious to experience it’s fruits, ready to embrace the life it will bring and the trials that you will use after this one.
 
 
 
 

God Over the Rain

24 October 2005
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“I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.” — The Mighty God
 
“He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” — Jesus, speaking of the the Mighty God
 
“The abundant life does not come to the wise because ‘the weather that God sends him is good’. The abundant life comes to the wise because he knows that the God over the weather is with him.” — Yours Truly

 
It was Wednesday morning, and my son, Shade, who is in Kindergarten asked his mom if he could go to school after the bell rang. Upon probing, Shade said that the day before some big fifth grader had “touched him on the shoulders”. I was watching the news about Hurricane Wilma, the most powerful hurricane ever seen in recorded history, when mom told me, I decided to escort Shade in to class rather than just dropping him off so that I could kick some fifth grader’s butt.
 
Instead, I escorted him in and took him to Mrs. Hill and had Shade tell her so that she would be aware of the potential problem. While I was in there, Mrs. Hill showed me a pile of Shade’s work that I didn’t get to see the night before at Open House. I stood alone in her class flipping through his writings, his work, and his illustrations. Mrs. Hill had written titles for each illustration that were given to her by Shade after he drew them. I got to one of those sheets of manila paper with a couple of cool pictures on it. The titles floored me.
 
One was called “God over the rain” and the other was “Dad alone with God”.
 
I had no immediate introspective epiphany or anything, but I just sat there looking at the pictures…then at the titles…then and the pictures. Something was happening to me that was hard to describe. It involved joy, but not from just one source. I had joy because these pictures are obviously somewhere inside of my son. I had joy because my son, who has tons of pictures inside of that imaginative heart of his, when choosing to draw anything, chose to draw those. I had joy because of the truth that was contained in them that is bigger than the pictures themselves, and bigger than Shade (or I) consciously knows. I also had wonder…and it, also, was not from just one source. I wonder at how these pictures got inside my boy. I wondered what it meant that they are in there. I wondered why I was standing there experiencing them on this day. And I was grateful…and yes, for more than one thing. I was grateful that my boy has those pictures in him, grateful he expresses them, grateful for sense of wonder and awareness and curiosity it gave me for the day.
 
A few hours later, Doyle, my friend and the worship leader I work for (and sometimes with), came in and said the word “Immanuel”. I knew that he was suggesting this particular name of Jesus (which means “God with Us”) as the focus of that night’s devotion, which was great, but also did me some serious good personally in conjunction with what I was listening for because of Shade’s pictures.
 
I know there is a mighty God, the God over the Rain, more powerful than the most awesome forces of nature that humanity has ever or will ever see. And my life has been and still is a longing to know that Mighty Being, to be special to Him, to matter to Him, to love Him, and to be with Him. And I have done many, many things…good and bad, and mostly ineffective…to get to Him. But today, God has reminded me personally…through my son, through the weather, through my work, and through my friend…that it is HE who longs to be with ME. And that He wants it, has done it, and is doing it. He is Immanuel. He is with me.
 
I didn’t even have to slow down and reelect on it to know and remember instantly what direct, practical effect it has on me to know this either. He showed me right in the same experience of my son.
 
My son, who showed some signs of hesitation (but not defiance or paralyzing fear) about wanting to go to school before the bell rang, stopped even thinking about the 5th grader as an issue to be dealt with when I told him that I was coming into class. Instead, his attention turned fully and joyfully and passionately to that single fact… that his dad would be with him. His hesitation that he most assuredly, I’m convinced, could have and would have “handled” on his own as he went where he had to go was replaced by excitement, confidence, and eagerness to just go, because his dad was with Him.
 
That’s exactly what happened, and what happens, to me. I only rarely experience outright defiance or paralyzing fear. I think my Enemy knows by now that I turn shamelessly and dependently to God in the face of those situations. He now challenges me with small things, that just make me hesitating, to get me to appeal to my Self to “be strong” or come up with some strategy to “deal with the problems” on my own as I go where I have to go. But when I live fully present in the reality that the powerful God Over the Rain is with me, I can’t even see the problems I get so excited to just go… with excitement, confidence, and eagerness…simply because God is with me.
 
So simple.

Scholarship, Lectureship, or Relationship

6 October 2005
Comments (3)

This piece is a longer than usual, and has taken me days to put together, but I think it is now what it is supposed to be. Read it when you have an extra minute…and I’d love to hear what it brings up in you.

 

“Which is more influential and life changing for you personally — relationship or lectureship? Does being deeply moved by a really awesome sermon typically equate to being moved into action? Do you feel as though God exerts more life changing influence through your investment of time, resources and energy into preaching to the masses or through your investment of time, resources and energy into this small church you’ve planted? Do your passions and investments reflect your answer?” – a question posed to me by my friend, Chuck Griffin

 

“I am He who instantly enables the humble mind to understand more about eternal truth than could be learned by studying ten years in schools.” — Thomas a’ Kempis, reflecting what he heard from God

 

“Perhaps some have been called to find great satisfaction in their service to God through lectureship. Maybe some will make their mark for the Kingdom through scholarship. While both of these are a part of my life’s work, neither of them can contain or be my life’s work. Neither of them can by themselves contain my passion for life (and sometimes, quite honestly, when I elevate them above their proper place, actually sap my passion for life!). My impact, if I am to have any impact at all, and my satisfaction in Christ, if I am to have any satisfaction at all, will be through relationship.” — Yours Truly

 

For just over a year, I have been a preacher.

 

One of the inward struggles I have is the constant conflict between two priorities. My clear call and desire to have my life be defined by the priority of relationships, and my clear duty to produce a “quality sermon” each week.

 

I didn’t know these two things would clash when I began in this new post, and it is true that I could (and still can) logically explain their co-existence in a way that they don’t have to (i.e.: “your sermons help you earn your right to be heard in your relationships” & “your relationships make your sermons more effective because they know your heart.”). And I did so, to myself and others, throughout the whole year. But in my heart, they clashed like two white knights claiming that the other was a fraud and in the way of his work. What can I say? It doesn’t really matter if they should or not, the fact is they did. And all this despite my constant best efforts and prayers.

 

Imagine a guy preparing for a sermon, but feeling like he needed to be investing in relationships. Then watch that same guy get up and leave his office and invest in relationships, but carry with him a nagging feeling of needing to prepare for a sermon. This was present, in one way or another, in almost every moment of my life this past year. The first one showed up externally through things like my constantly accepting (and craving) interruptions from people, studying “out loud” with anyone who would listen, and working on it late at night when fewer people were available to be loving on directly anyway.  The second manifested through my hurrying through conversations when they didn’t seem “spiritually productive” enough, little snide comical comments to people about the horrible albatross of having to prepare a sermon (there is a little truth in every “joke”), and saying no to relational ministry and family opportunities because my stress was mounting.

 

Needless to say, this wasn’t working. But I “made it work” (which doesn’t work), because I felt selfish and petty about wishing for better (imagine me complaining to my 91-year-old Louisiana hurricane victim friend (see my “Finding Frank” blog entry) about my high-stress struggle of deciding between studying the Word of God for people or acting out the Word of God to people. Poor me!)

 

Add one more subtlety here to the mix: there is also the regular thought that it would be good to continue my education. I am admittedly under-educated (as far as formal scholarship goes) compared to most of my peers who do what I do, and that makes some nervous about my lack of knowledge, my future career stability/marketability, and credibility with intellectually impressive audiences. 

 

Three weeks of total freedom from this tension came in August, when my elders sent me into a sabbatical from my regular duties. It was during this time that I realized what I was living with (and making everyone else live with). It became increasingly clear that I had no real choice if I wanted to be faithful to God’s call: I am to make my impact through a 100% commitment to relationships. So it seemed to me that my choice was clear…I had to quit preaching in order to quit compromising…

 

Yeah, that thought only lasted about a fraction of a second before I admitted that that was the wussy, not faith-filled, way out. Quitting preaching, while it would get rid of the temptation to elevate lectureship impact over relationship impact (and ease the presumed necessity of increasing my scholarship impact), assumed that there was no way to be 100% relationally focused AND preach on Sunday, too. So I decided I need to give my God a chance to show me that He is bigger than I give Him credit for.

 

I’m a little nervous to admit it, but since September, I have given up on “sermon prep” as I formally knew it. I now strive to focus in every moment on the people who are with me in those moments. I strive to be fully present and available for them, giving all that I am to them completely. Whether it is my wife, my kids, my family, my friends, my co-workers, a stranger or just myself, I want to be totally “awake” to what is going on in and around us…totally awake to what the Spirit of God is inviting me to give and do and be and become, and be very spontaneously responsive to it all.

 

There hasn’t been much of an outward change, really. But what has happened inside of me has been incredible (and it has nothing to do with the quality of my sermons since I’ve committed to this). It has been liberating, freeing, costly, fear-conquering, insecurity-demolishing, ego-killing, joy-filled, life-giving and self-sacrificing. In other words, it has been “Christ-like”.

 

My friend and Life Coach, who played no small part in ushering me to this jump of faith, sent an email that describes well what this feels/felt like on my first Sunday home from sabbatical, and also articulates well why I am requesting every one of you to find your next step of Christ-likeness and take it. The life that Christ promises to bring you and give you is just beyond it.

 

“Today Brian is giving his first “unprepared,” or make that “less-prepared-feeling” message to his congregation.  What this means is that he has resisted the habitual temptation to put the bulk of his time this past week into “message preparation,” and has instead devoted himself and the bulk of his time to loving like Christ did – first God, then himself and his family, then his ministry leadership team, then the people God sent to Him during his walk through the week, thereby spending his time and energy in a deeper kind of “preparation.”  It’s definitely not about defiantly “not preparing;” it’s about preparing better, and differently.  Be that as it may, I know he feels a little naked and unprepared this morning as he prays, as if he has shirked or slighted a major job responsibility.  But I know that he hasn’t.  I know Brian’s servant heart.  I reminded him Friday that he is surrendering to being “called by God” to “be a shepherd,” according to the model of His Son, vs.. surrendering to being “required by man” to “do a job” in a certain prescribed way, and that he has never been better “prepared” to be used by God, for His glory.  Please pray for Brian this morning, that he might empty himself completely and, as a clean and perfectly prepared vessel, God will fill him up and use him as a wide and deep channel through which He pours His abundant blessings on everyone He touches through His words.” — Jim Spivey 

 

I’m still a baby in this new venture of faith for me, facing my fear of failure weekly, denying myself the option of “preparing out of fear”, and weekly wondering if I’ll be able to do it again.

 

This is the life, people…the one where you really need God to show up for you and you depend on Him to…and He does. Every time.

 

What is your next step. Stop struggling with it and take it.

 

 

20 September 2005
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“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.” – Jesus Christ
 
“And in the spirit of God the fact that you are chosen and blessed and beloved does not mean that others are less so.  In fact, the opposite experience unfolds when you discover your belovedness.  You have an inner eye that allows you to see the belovedness of other people and call that forth.  That’s the incredible mystery of God’s love.  The more you know how deeply you are loved, the more you’ll see how deeply your brothers and sisters in the human family are loved, and the more you will love them.” — Henri Nouwen
 
I have experienced the proverbial “perfect storm” this weekend. A storm that has assaulted me, conspiring to open me up to receive the incredible truth and mystery of God’s love, once again.
 
I spent Friday afternoon to Saturday night with 12 people who have given their lives over to Jesus and to people for Jesus’ sake. These amazing people spend their lives giving, serving, teaching, coaching, forgiving, enduring, and praying on God’s behalf in this world among all us crazy people. In my 15 months with them, God has used them to “call forth” my belovedness, and I truly feel more beloved and chosen and blessed of God than I ever have before.
 
So, the first part of the triple-pronged “perfect storm” was being with them, asking them to put down the mantle of responsibility that comes with such a dedicated life of servitude to others and let me and 2 of my friends give, serve, teach, coach, forgive, endure and pray for them. And they did. They exposed their hearts…their fears, failures, shame, desires, hopes, dreams, trials…many with tears. It was a very human weekend with a bunch of real-life superheroes. Each of them had to confront the fact that they are CHOSEN by God to be His friends and representatives on earth, not duty-bound. That they have been APPOINTED by God to go and bear fruit in their lives that will last in this life and eternally, and that it is a gift to them not a responsibility. And they had to swallow that the God supports them in this high honor, that they can ask for ANYTHING in Christ’s name, and He will give it to them. What can I say? Anytime the mature in Christ are reminded of who and whose they are, it moves them to their knees in humility and godly desire. I had an “inner eye” as I watched (and couldn’t help but participate in) the whole thing, aware that I was watching God summon belovedness from these amazing hearts.
 
The second prong is pictured in the attached picture. That’s Jakin Major. My just turned two year old son. His name means “God Establishes Greatness”, and it’s more and more obvious that that is exactly what God has done with this boy. We are about to throw a party in honor of his two years of life, and while we are celebrating him, I am secretly accepting the mighty reality that I am deeply loved, exhibited by the incredible gift that this boy is to me. Happy Birthday, buddy!
 
The final prong of this assault happened this morning. I delivered a talk to several hundred people that I didn’t feel very prepared for, in the traditional sense of the word, but accepted the truer reality that I have been through a lifetime of preparation to deliver it. And God told me what to say, once again, as He is faithful in doing every single time in my life. It was on the subject of God’s appointed human leaders for His church. And then afterwards, I met a nice man named George who I asked if I could take him to dinner tonight and visit and pray with him, to which he graciously accepted. He found us because he felt he had been blessed with a little extra money, and wanted to give an offering to a church, and had a tough time finding a church that would take his money (which we just couldn’t stop laughing out loud about) and finally found someone at our church who would take it. My friend Landon was who he found, George told me, who invited him to worship with us this morning, which he obviously did. Inside I thought, ‘How easy God has made it for me today to love and shepherd someone. I am chosen, appointed, and supported in doing my hearts desire.’
 
Why these unrelated (?) incidents conspired to explode in my life today to remind me of how much I’m loved by God, I’m not sure. But I think it has something to do with God wanting me to see how deeply my brothers and sisters in the human family are loved. And I am grateful.
 
May I remember when my days pass me by and they appear to be something they are not.

Finding Frank

7 September 2005
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I loaded up 3 big zip-lock’s of warm cookies, and 3 hot, tender, good-looking cakes into the back of my Blazer. My wife and our friend Kacy (who was here for the weekend to visit my family), had hurriedly gathered the supplies and cooked them for me to join a large team from our church who were headed down to the Amarillo Civic Center to feed a meal to the Hurricane Katrina victims that flew in Sunday from New Orleans. I could not have been prouder of my church family. They have enough deserts for a month, it looked like. And we’ll be returning this Thursday to feed these sweet, appreciative people again.
 
As the refugees slowly started to trickle in, I met a man who looked to be in his mid to late 60s, and I initiated conversation anxiously by asking him if he was hungry. He, equally anxious to talk, said he was and quickly informed me that he was 91 years old. I asked if he needed help, and I got to walk him through the line, carry his food to the table, and sit down with him and listen.
 
Frank was a very kind, gentle, patient man.
 
He moved from Mississippi to New Orleans in the 40s and worked in construction most of his life. He helped build the Superdome back in the day, the same Superdome that barely houses some of his New Orleans neighbors. He remembers working for 65 cents an hour. He lived on Canal street in a 5 or 6 story building on the 3rd floor and witnessed trees flying by his (thankfully, unbroken) window. Frank told me he grew up with “white folk” and it was always just fine, that they even trusted him to cash checks for them, and he would walk with 2 or 3 hundred dollars for someone else, and was always trustworthy with it. He has buried 3 wives, 2 sons, and all his siblings. One son was in the army and was killed somehow when he returned to the States, and his other son was at truck driver and died in a crash in California. He attended a Baptist church back home. He shook his head sadly at both the looting that he saw taking place in his city and that we went to war with Iraq. He met several of my friends from church, and was gracious with all of them.
 
He has no one, and no plan, but doesn’t seem worried. I gave him my name and number, offered for him to stay in Amarillo, and assured him I would help. He might. He has no plan. He’s working with Red Cross workers to get his monthly Social Security check sent to him here. He gets enough to pay his $400 rent back home, his bills there, and still have a little to live on. I think that’s enough for him to make it here.
 
I found myself committed to sitting with Frank the whole time I was there. You know why? I could tell you that it was because there was so much to learn in this one spot I was sitting, so much experience, life, love and love lost. I could tell you that it was because with every piece of information, Frank became more and more someone I loved and cared about.  I could tell you that it just felt good to help someone. I could tell you it was because it is what I think Christ would have done. And all of that would be true…
 
 But let me ‘fess up to the deeper, truer answer…I was scared to get up and meet someone else. Scared because my heart was already breaking for Frank, and I’m finding myself wanting to do whatever I can to help him. And as long as I don’t meet any more of the people here, they will stay just “the people here”. “The people” who I helped feed a meal to. “The people” that I’ve been watching pictures of on the news and reading about in the paper.
 
But if I allow another one to become who they really are to me, a personal name with a personal story, I will fall helplessly into my desire to help…my desire to do anything to help…and feel helpless. I would want to do all that was needed for each person…then I’d have to admit that I’m just unwilling, unable, or under prepared…it would leave me going home feeling helpless, and maybe even guilty for how good I have it.
 
Now forget the compassion that was initiated because of this Hurricane thing…I’m loving Frank, this sweet man, for who he is…not because of what he has recently been through. The same thing would have happened to me if I just took the time to sit with him on the porch of his 5 or 6 story tall apartment building watching people walk by on Canal Street.
 
So gets me thinking, I bet there are plenty of “Frank’s” in Amarillo who should not need a Hurricane to hit their home for me to find them. They should be found by me simply because I’ve been commissioned to by my God, Jesus Christ, to go and find them.
 
No wonder Jesus said that unless you give up everything you have, you can’t be his disciple. There is not any time to do anything else.
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