The Vast and Overwhelming need…

31 October 2007
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“At the deepest levels of a man’s heart, we are all the same. We need life. We need love. We need others. We need real. We need truth. We need Christ. When a man looks into others at these deepest levels, we see ourselves in everyone. Then and only then, we know exactly what they need, and how to call it forth from them. As we create our own platforms for doing so, we position ourselves to love others as God intends.” – Yours Truly
 
There were 11 guys in my basement a week ago Tuesday night.
 
We gathered as we do each week, looking for truth, friendship, help, challenge, hope, acceptance, and life.
 
4 of us remember about a year ago, when we were a group of 8 guys looking for the same things together, but finding it hard to stay engaged with each other with so many of us in the basement. We prayerfully cast lots, and made two groups of 4. 
 
Those 4 were there along with 7 more that have joined us looking for the same thing. The conversation moved as it did about a year ago, all of us speaking of the need to be fewer in number in order for us to stay vulnerably engaged in the fire of each other’s lives.
 
So we committed to pray and come back together last night with our desires and convictions concerning our group splitting up again. We all squeeze our teeth at the perceived “loss” of what we have, but the desire and need for life presses us forward into constant transformation thinking, season of life understanding, and Kingdom growth living.
 
We assessed ourselves and our situation openly and honestly, and in community: 
* This group of 11 guys includes one brand new guy, and we haven’t had time to give him “the floor” because there are so many of us.
* We counted between 10-12 guys who weren’t there, but have visited us regularly, and we know they need this kind of brotherhood and fellowship, but they probably feel like 1) they are imposing on us or 2) we can’t give them the attention they need because there are so many of us already.
* We listed 8 guys who we know need an invitation to this, but we have been hesitant to invite them to our group because of the size.
* We saw among us 4 guys ready to lead, so long as they go out with at least one other from our group (2 by 2 sounded familiar to us).
 
These, among other things, convinced us. And after we all shared all week with each other, and then each shared our convictions about “who we want to be with” and “who we want each other to be with” honestly, we fairly effortlessly divided into 3 groups. Ego’s weren’t hurt, excitement was built, a plan in place, relational commitments to each other restated, and up we came from the basement. As each of the 3 groups spoke informally as we were leaving, they were already talking about the guys they knew they needed to invite into their fellowships. “Wow,” I thought, “The need for this kind of Christ-centered fellowship is vast and overwhelming.”
 
This was just trying to happen.
 
To encourage one another, and to celebrate and share how God is working to advance his Kingdom in our hearts and the hearts of other men, (and maybe also to wean ourselves from each other) we decided that we would all gather back in the basement on the first Tuesday of each month, for the time being, and worship God together. We’ll get to meet each other’s friends and just let the unity of what we are all doing, trying to become more and more like Christ, living more and more abundantly in the life he’s offering, just saturate all of us.
 
Pray for us. We want more life. And we want more men to have more life so that more families have more life so the more people in the world find the best possible life available to human beings.
 
Christ’s life.

Small Group Leadership Training

31 October 2007
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“Go and make imitators of me.” – Jesus Christ
 
“Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” – Jesus imitator, Paul
“A group of people are in unity, not when they are in uniform outwardly, but when they are in uniform inwardly.” – Yours Truly, Jesus imitator wanna-be
 
We have a bunch of leaders at the Southwest church (including, but not limited to, the elders and ministers) who have committed to being in or leading a small group of people who meet for the express purpose of  becoming what God intended us to be…like Christ.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere that is life-giving, then they must:
1) genuinely love God,
2) genuinely love all people,
3) be on the journey of becoming more like Christ themselves, 
4) be willing to help others on the journey of becoming more like Christ.
 
The truth they have learned, and I from them and among them, is that they can do none of the above without doing all of the above. They’ve learned this from the Bible, from their experimentation with love, form their regretful experiences in lacking love, from their own hearts, and from one another.
 
Every group of people, large or small, if they are any kind of group, ends up with an internal vocabulary that communicates much more among them than the actual words themselves. Our group has a list of “elements” that make up what we call an “atmosphere of life”. We find that Christ himself created this atmosphere when he walked among us on earth, and we are attempting to create this same atmosphere as we walk the same earth…like Christ did…and only with his help.
 
We have some words, that while we want them to communicate clearly to everyone, communicate in ever-increasing clarity to and among us as we learn to live them out.
 
This group of leaders is giving this (living out thing) a go, some for the first time, some once again, and some in their continuing efforts. In support of them, and out of great faith in them, and for the sake of the world, I (humbly) offer this list of elements that continue to communicate deeply and meaningfully to us, and hopefully through us.
 
I love these guys and galls, and am with them in the incredible work of Christ that God has gifted to them.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of acceptance, then they must unconditionally accept themselves in all their imperfection and messiness.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of teaching, then they must learn all that they can that really matters and then share it freely and constantly.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of modeling, then they must do only those things that bring them life.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of accompanying, then they must be willing to go with people into their hardest places when it is uncomfortable for them to do so and stay there for an uncomfortable amount of time.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of invitation, then they must build a life that is “inconvenience-able”.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of challenge, then they must tell the absolute truth in absolute love.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of remembering, then they must bring all things back to what Christ has done as their reason for everything they do.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of celebrating, then they must value any little step towards life, by any one, and be eager to point it out to everyone as such.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of freedom, then they must be operating out of their freedom.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of guidance, then they must listen to God on behalf of other people.
 
If they want to create an atmosphere of transcendence, then they must believe that God is afoot in every relationship they are in, that God is showing Himself in every moment and every thing, and that He will be appropriately amazing when we see Him..
 
It will cost them their lives…and it will give them their life. Life to the full, by the word of Christ. 
 

18 October 2007
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I don’t know how many of you watched “Star Trek: the Next Generation,” but on that show there was an very sophisticated artificial lifeform, an android name Commander Data. He had a super fast, mega-capacity brain that could take in truckloads of information and process it and analyze it with lightening quick speed and then apply it effortlessly to any given situation that the Starship Enterprise crew found themselves in.
 
I haven’t been able to do that with my trip to Zimbabwe. I’m having to take very small chunks, because it seems that no matter how small it is, I’m able to wring out an infinite amount of valuable information.
 
The culture was very different over there. The political climate, the assumptions of society, the economic situation, social norms…all very different. But that’s not what surprised me most. What surprised me was how much is the same.
 
An example: I met a man named Edmore. I and the team got quite a bit of time with him during our 4 night stay near Wedza, because he was an employee at Imire Game Park (http://www.imiresafariranch.co.zw/) and usually served our breakfast and dinner. I really got to know Edmore, and had a few very cool personal and spiritual conversations.
 
Let me back up by telling you about the Apostolics in Zimbabwe. As we were driving through the capital city of Harare, we would see groups of people in clean white robes either walking along the road, or gathered out in small huddles off the road under a tree or on an outcropping of rocks. When we asked the preachers who they were, they called them “Apostolics”. It was explained to us that it is a group that claims Christ, but has the distinction of being polygamists. They are also distinctive, it was explained, because they believe in “prophetic words from God”. And, by the way, they wear the white robes because of the description of the saved in the Book of Revelation that says they will all be wearing white robes. So, they figure, hey…let’s go ahead and get started! And they meet out in fields under trees, never in church buildings (I’m not sure why…but I like it).
 
One of my last visits with Edmore included me asking him if he had any kind of church home. He told me he was a part of an Apostolic congregation. I asked him if his group lifted up Christ as the means and point of everything, and if Christlikeness was taught as the goal of humanity and the gift of God, and that the life we have in Christ will last forever. He surprised me by saying yes. I told him what many of my Church of Christ brethren in Zim told me about them, and asked if it was true. He said that the prophetic stuff is true, and that anyone can claim “a word from God” on any point of doctrine or practice, and the result has been many divisions of groups, prophets taking those who agreed with him “to another tree in the field”. He said that some of those divisions practice polygamy as a result of this (he used an example of a prophet saying “God gave me a vision that that man should marry those 3 women”). He said there are many sects within the Apostolic church, and gave me the names of a couple, one of which stood against polygamy and another which practiced it. He said that his group was neither, and would better be described as a Christ-centered group.
 
I told Edmore that the Apostolics sound very much like the Church of Christ in America. That over the years, mere men would claim a “word from God” and then move the group that agreed with him “to another tree” to worship on Sundays. The only difference is that Apostolics claim their particular “word from God” came by the Holy Spirit in a vision, and Church of Christ folks claim that their particular “word from God” came by the Holy Spirit through the Bible. I told him that the church I run around with in Amarillo, TX would better be described as a Christ-centered group, too.
 
We then shared in humble laughter that most of the divisions of Apostolics in Zimbabwe, and most of the divisions of the Church of Christ in America, would all describe themselves as Christ-centered (just like each of us where doing right there!). Wow. We are all so the same.
 
Edmore finished our conversation by saying, “I have been thinking about trying to meet with a Church of Christ.”
 
“Why are you considering that?” I asked.
 
 “You know how you and your team have been preaching Christ? How he needs to take up actual residence in the heat? How he should really be touching our real heart?”
 
“Yes.” I replied.
 
“Being with your team has touched my heart,” Edmore replied.
 
I told Edmore that that is the only reason I would want him to leave his current group of Christ-followers to meet the groups of Christ-followers that we were running around with. If it would truly help him and his family become more and more like Christ in his life and in his heart.
 
The next morning, I got up early before we left, and drove Edmore to his humble house where I got to meet his wife and his daughter (he also shares the burden of taking care of his brother’s two children due to their parent’s death to AIDS). I gave his sweet daughter a little toy that my daughter sent with me to give to some special girl, along with a used jacket and some fruit bars. Her reaction almost brought me to tears.
 
You see, when you are grateful to someone for something in Zimbabwe, you gently pat your two hands together towards the person you are thanking, almost like applause, only way smaller gestures and gentle enough to make no noise. When you are VERY grateful to someone, you go to your knees and lower your head, and you do the same thing.
 
So you can see why I about lost it when a used stained jacket, a couple of granola bars, and a McDonalds Happy Meal toy filled this little girl with gratitude enough to go to her knees (you can see it in the attached photo, along with a picture of Edmore and his family).
 
May God bless this family and help them. May God bless my family and help us. Whether it is by the church group, by the family group, or by the individual man…we are all so the same.
 
 
 

Between Worlds

16 October 2007
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I am on a plane between Harare, Zimbabwe and London, England.
 
I am ready to see my wife. I am ready to see my kids. I’m ready to see my church family.
 
And I miss my new family in Zimbabwe.
 
There is no way to comprehensively cover the goings-on in my heart from or during the last two weeks of my life. And I have yet to see how they will integrate into and shape my life to come.
 
Do I want to move to Zimbabwe? Yes. Do I want to take my whole family there with me? Yes. Do I want to stay in Amarillo? Yes. Do I want my whole family there with me? Yes. Do I love the poor and hurting people I have briefly come alongside of in the villages of Africa? Yes. Do I love the poor and hurting people I have briefly come alongside of in the neighborhoods of Amarillo and Houston and Honduras and Guatemala and Australia? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
 
I have too many “yes’s” that I want to give my life to, but only one life to spend and pour out in love for God and love for people. I have too many nations that I love. I have too many individuals that I love. They cry out for my life to be poured out for them, as does my Master and Teacher Jesus Christ, as does my own soul and heart’s desire.
 
Once again, I must turn to the living God, completely undone by the immense hunger and thirst in the world, whether in a land that is profoundly wanting or in a land of illusionary “plenty”. Whether it is from the ugliest and most sinful places of my flesh, or from the most noble and selfless places of my heart, it seems I must run to grace to find any peace, joy, comfort, and satisfaction at all.
 
How busy my heart and mind are right now. I must either drown them out by the distracting and numbing drug of on-flight entertainment, or by mind-clarifying and heart-shaping prayer. The former is easier, the latter is healthier. The former costs nothing, the latter could cost me everything. The former is understandable and excusable and might give me some rest, the latter is inconvenient and scary and might give me life…fuller, truer life. Decisions, decisions.
 
The question for folks in the state I am in is, “what shall I do?” And the answer can not come quickly, unless God thunders it down unmistakably from Heaven in a loud and clear voice, or it will surely be a logical, compromising, rationalizing, but good and commendable response.
 
For example, I can not, with integrity, consider not moving to Zimbabwe without, with integrity, consider moving to Zimbabwe.
 
On what does a follower of Christ base a decisions like these with integrity? The age of his children? The practicality of the decision? The cost financially? Ease of life? Difficulty of life? Whatever would be “harder to do” is no basis for any decision, as if difficulty that has any merit all on it’s own, any more than making a decision on what would be easier.
 
No, I must walk with God daily.
 
I must be resolved to know God by knowing his son Jesus Christ with the help of the Spirit. And then, in that constantly growing relationship, I should be attentive and listen, longing for the direction of God. And in each moment that I hear Him, I should obey.
 
There is no other way to experience God. There is no other way to make any decision for the follower of Christ. Christian logic isn’t human logic at all…it is obedience. Obedience is the only logic a Christ follower has. And obedience to something demands hearing a command. I guess this is why so many Christians use human logic to make spiritual decisions…they don’t listen. They don’t even expect God to speak.
 
For now, I know that God wants my heart to be broken like his heart is broken. He has made that clear to me. He has said as much to me, many times and in many ways, before and during this trip to his nation of Zimbabwe.
 
That I can do. This I will endeavor with all my energy to obey. 
 
And while I long to “do more” as a result of my brokenness, I can’t. There is too much of it. And I haven’t received my assignment yet. I read that a baby duck must stay trapped in it’s egg for 28 days exactly for it to be hatched into a fully developed duck that will function and grow as it should. Take it out on day 27 and it will die.
 
So for today, on this long flight home, between worlds, both of which I love and want to die for in the name of Christ, I sit with my broken heart, allowing it to be broken, even fighting for it to do so, so that it can develop fully into something that will function and grow as it should.
 
May God help us all.

Off to meet Christ in Zimbabwe

14 October 2007
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Note: this is the first of two “bookend” emails from my last two weeks which was composed of a journey to the nation of Zimbabwe. I had not the time nor inclination to miss a moment of my experience by writing, and I didn’t have email access for my laptop anyway, but I wrote this piece on the way there and the next one (coming shortly) on the way back. To try to describe all things in between…wow…no chance. I love you all for sharing with me in my continued journey towards Christ, and hope to God it plays some useful role in yours. And for all of you who supported me in this through prayer, finances, and taking care of my family while I was gone…I am eternally grateful.
 
I’m on a plane, sitting between two mighty warriors of God, going with them and 3 others just like them to a foreign land that is thirsty with no water, hungry with no food, oppressed and in need of freedom, desperate and in need of hope.
 
I don’t have enough water, food, clout or money to even touch the needs that I am about to see and touch.
 
But I’m going anyway.
 
In a way, I feel like a deceptive swindler. I have been asked to go to Zimbabwe to teach and proclaim Jesus Christ to others. But I know full well in the secret places of my heart that I accepted the assignment in order to have Jesus Christ taught and proclaimed to me. Truly, in a very real and practical way, I believe that I am going to Zimbabwe to do nothing less than see and meet Jesus Christ. 
 
I know I am going to have my heart broken…and I intend on letting it happen.
I know I am going to learn better what I mean when I preach that “everyone needs hope.”
I know I am going to see more clearly what the word “poor” means in a land of little, to come home and see more clearly what the word “poor” means in a land of plenty.
I know I am going to have to leave part of my heart in this new-to-me land…and it will be for “me” much more than it will be for “them”.
 
Ninety-something percent unemployment. Average death age of men is thirty-something. The number of orphans due to aids, sickness, and hunger is staggering. 5000 percent inflation in the last year (the next highest nation was in the 30’s, I think).
 
I called my friend who is from Zimbabwe, and who is running a feeding program for hundreds of those orphans. It costs him his life. He gives every penny he can earn and raise to the single-minded cause of feeding hundreds of kids a small “survival meal” per day. In the winter, he has to use some of that money to get blankets for those kids so that he has kids to feed a survival meal to.
 
When I first met my friend, it was winter in Zimbabwe, and he told me of the dozens of orphans that crammed into the pews of a church building (where these kids received their daily meal) for a worship service on a Sunday. By the time the service was over and the kids filed out, two of those famished, freezing children fell over on the pews dead. Last night he told me of the news from a family who hung themselves rather than die the slow death of starvation that they have long been on and feel creeping in.
 
God help me.
 
God help me believe there is hope for them. God help me believe there is hope for me.
 
I took my two oldest kids routinely to school this morning with a little more attentiveness to the beauty of my routine – with a particular emphasis on “them”. My youngest son and my sweet wife took me to the airport this morning. I was doing okay until the small gathering of friends that came to see us off surrounded us, and one of our shepherds tearfully prayed for us, and then I opened my eyes (I know, I know…I’m not supposed to do that when I pray) and looked down just in time to see a tear from the eye of my wife hit the ground next to my feet as she was loyally and supportively standing beside me.
 
I am so rich. I met Christ in who I left this morning, and will be meeting Christ in who I meet tomorrow, and on top of that, I am meeting Christ as we speak, in the people I’m traveling with.
 
I started this piece in Dallas, and I’m in Detroit now, where we will meet one of the additional members of our team, and then will leave for London, where we will meet up with two more members of our team (the veterans), and then we will go to Harare, Zimbabwe.
 
Pray for me. Pray for us. Pray for them. Pray for you.
 

Maturing to Demand Nothing

28 September 2007
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“I have never known the freedom of undemanding love like we are experiencing.” – My friend who lost his young son, concerning the love he is receiving from the family of Jesus.
“I am trying to give everything and require nothing.” – My friend who is fighting for his fragile marriage and family, and learning how to be a Christ-like husband to his wife and father to his children.
We are so convinced that we need something from someone that we expend incredible amounts of time, energy and effort to get it. Be it through persuasion, manipulation, rallying opinion leaders to our side, throwing fits, hostile takeovers, emotional blackmail or whatever…some do it as second nature and have stopped even noticing it in themselves or others, let alone confronting it in order to consider a better way of life.
Have you ever know the freedom of undemanding love?
Do you know the freedom of giving undemanding love?
After growing up in my particular brand of dysfunctional family (we all have one), I was convinced that I needed my family to change in order to have peace, joy, and contentedness. So I expended incredible amounts of time, energy, and effort thinking about it and trying to get it. I had plenty of other things to do, but underneath was this undone thing that I really thought I needed. It was the day in history when I explosively “felt” the undemanding love of God that I began the journey of letting all that go. Sure enough, not only do I not need my family to change a thing for me to be happy, but I could still care deeply about them changing without ever needing it to happen. Ironically, I think I became the best change agent possible for a human being on the day that I stopped needing anyone in my family to change.
My next challenge was the first cousin of this one, although I couldn’t see its relation at all, and would’ve argued against it, at the time. See, my family’s dysfunction brought out the very best of my church family’s dysfunction toward us. So while I didn’t need anyone to change “for me”, I started working for and with my church family to change “for the world”. I was convinced that I needed the church to change in order to have peace, joy and contentedness. So I expended incredible amounts of time, energy, and effort thinking about it and trying to get it. I had plenty of other things to do, but underneath was this undone thing that I really thought I needed. It was the day in history when I “saw” that the connection between my “needing my family to change” and “needing my church family to change” was the same tune, different verse. So I applied the same undemanding love that God gave me, and that I gave my family, to the church. Ironically, once I didn’t “need” the church to change (and again, it had nothing to do with apathy), I think I became the best change agent possible that a human being can be for the church.
I believe that God sent me a family that “needs fixing” and a church family that “needs fixing” so that he could engage in his beautiful work of fixing me. Not that I’m fixed, or that he is done, but I give Him the glory that I am past the days where I am, as a rule, ignorant of myself when I’m feeling any need from anyone for anything.
Having said that, I want all of you, my friends who read this, to know something.
– I love you just the way you are. I promise to always do so.
– I have no expectation of nor do I need you to change one thing one thing for me to love you and appreciate you in all the beauty that God has placed in you.
– I desire with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength for you to change – in any way that will give you more peace, joy, and “life” – and would do anything for you to be able to do so (except need you to do it).
– I will always look behind your behavior for it’s motivation, and will assume that it makes perfect sense – no matter how bizarre or irrational it appears to you or anyone else – once I love you enough to understand you.
– And I will reflect back what I see to you for your (and my) continued healing, whenever, but only if, I feel invited to do so.
This is my loving resolve and commitment to my family (which now includes my own wife and children), to my church family (past, present, and future), and to anyone in the whole world who finds their way into my life (and I into theirs).
And finally, as I finish this piece where I sound so sure of myself and so confident and committed, let me give you this story as an offering of my continued weakness in this realm…
I was at lunch with a friend yesterday. He and I are both leaving next week for trips out of country to love in the name of Christ. He has become one of my favorite people to hang with. He is not from my family or church family, but is one of those “in the whole world” who stumbled into relationship with me, and he has been a very large highlight of my life over the last year. He has ushered me into his relationships, too. I have been blessed to meet his mother, step-father, his son from a past life, his office, his friends. We both think way more highly of the other than either of us think of ourselves, and in relationships like that, you can demand from each other without being demanding.
I was feeling quite lively yesterday as we talked, and as I was “reflecting back to him” what I was hearing him say in a somewhat comical and condemning fashion, and we shared in the laughter that comes from honesty, truth, being uncensored, and having total acceptance and undemanding love for one another (in other words, “brotherhood”), I said, “It’s hard to be friends with me sometimes, isn’t it?”
Looking back on that quick, spur-of-the-moment question, I think I was feeling a little insecure. I think I was still “needing him to be okay with me” the way I am (the way I described in those 5 points of resolve listed above). I would hate for anyone to feel like it’s hard to be friends with me. But to demand that everyone (or anyone, for that matter) say that it’s not hard to be friends with me would not be the undemanding love that I myself am so desperate for, and am doing my best to offer to the world.
Shew! It’s a life-long journey, isn’t it? And I praise God that there is always more ground to take, and that He intends on taking it, without needing me to.

Definition of Terms

21 September 2007
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“A pessimist, they say, sees a glass of water as being half empty; an optimist sees the same glass as half full. But a giving person sees a glass of water and starts looking for someone who might be thirsty.” – G. Donald Gale
 
“Half full.” – The saying on the front of one my shirts with a half glass of water on it
 
“Cool…a cup that can hold water when we find some.” – The saying that comes to the mind of an optimist when the glass is empty
 
On a scale of one to ten…one being worthless (even damaging) and ten being useful (even life-giving)…
 
If “optimism” is the denial of reality for the sake of avoiding pain: [1]
If “optimism” is the acknowledgment that there is good and usefulness in everything: [10]
 
If “idealism” is the imagining of how it “should be” in order to accuse the world and excuse oneself from having it: [1]
If “idealism” is the imagining of how it “should be” in order to be inspired to conform oneself to it: [10]
 
If “giving” is done out of guilty obligation, legalistic righteousness, or to feel better about oneself: [1]
If “giving” is done out of the discovery that sacrificial love is the best, most rewarding possible life available to a human being: [10]
 
If “judgment” is the determination of what is right and wrong in people’s lives and behavior [1].
If “judgment” is the determination of how to best love other people most profoundly despite what is right and wrong in their lives and behavior [10].
 
If “critical thinking” is primarily used to “point out what is wrong”. [1]
If “critical thinking” is used to determine “what I need to be”. [10]
 
If “unconditional acceptance” is the decision to not care how anyone else lives for the sake of being okay with them [1].
If “unconditional acceptance” is the caring so much that I can attach to anyone because of my realizing I have nothing personally at stake because of how anyone else lives [10].
 
If “giving everyone the dignity to choose” means “do it my way or your free to leave.” [1]
If “giving everyone the dignity to choose” means “I’m striving to living life at ever-increasing levels of truth and love, and I’d love for you to join me, but no pressure.” [10]
 
If “telling the truth” is the blunt, careless, and uncensored speaking of my mind. [1]
If “telling the truth” is the loving exposure of the introspective searching of my heart for the purpose of being a loving mirror for a friend or to engage in the humble, confessional healing of my own heart. [10]
 
If “spreading the word” is the academic teaching that certain religious practices, outward sacraments, and accurate doctrinal beliefs are the means of getting to heaven. [1]
If “spreading the word” is the sharing of Jesus Christ’s message, Jesus Christ’s heart, Jesus Christ’s mission, Jesus Christ’s priorities, Jesus Christ’s character, and Jesus Christ’s life that can be enjoyed here and lasts on into eternity. [10]
 
If “grace” doesn’t include “truth”, it’s not really grace. [so…1]
If “truth” doesn’t include “grace”, it’s not really truth. [so…1]
If the balance of grace and truth is trying to do 50 percent of each in every relationship. [1]
If the balance of grace and truth is figuring out how to be 100 percent of both. [10]
 
If “seeking to understand another” is the listening to others and applying your own definition of terms to what they are saying in order to hold them accountable for “what they said.” [1]
If “seeking to understand another” is the holistic hearing of another person’s heart regardless of the words they use and definitions they attach to it in order to “be with them right where they are at”. [10]
 
And if “writing these emails” is the arrogant attempt to convince everyone that I am right about something. [1]
But if “writing these emails” is the humble attempt at putting words to the ideas and thoughts I am having, right on the front edge of my discovering or considering them, in an effort to give myself to people and receive from them their input, challenges, and affirmations as I seek to live life at ever-increasing levels of truth. [10]
 
I love you all.  

I asked "the questions"

20 September 2007
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A couple of months ago, when I was giving a talk to the band of Christians I run with up here in Amarillo, I asked everyone to go home and ask some important questions (based on some of Paul’s relational teachings in Colossians 4) to some important people in their life.
 
Wives, ask your husbands: “Where do you not feel respected by me?”
Husbands, ask your wives: “Where do you feel unsafe with me?”
Children, ask your parents: “Where have I been disobedient?” or “Where do you not feel honored by me?”
Parents, ask your children: “Where have I been a discouragement to you?”
Employees, ask your bosses: “Do you feel I work for your success or just mine?”
Bosses, ask your employees: “Do I treat you rightly and fairly?”
 
I asked my wife…my passion makes her feel unsafe. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I get pretty passionate about stuff. From my view of myself, I have very few actual convictions, but the ones I have run really deep. I’m not saying this is a positive thing. I’m not saying it’s negative either. I’m not even saying that it’s accurate. I’m just saying that this is my current view of myself. At any rate, when an idea comes my way that taps into the deep convictions of my life, I get very excited about it and speak with a lot of excitement and a desire to act. When I do this with my wife, it feels as if my commitment to the idea is bigger than my commitment to her, her feelings, her opinions, her desires. I don’t like making my wife feel unsafe with me.
 
I asked my dad…this was a tough one for me, because my dad has had to face my deepest convictions (read: judgments) where I made it clear to him in no uncertain terms that I felt he wasn’t measuring up. I am absolutely certain I have not handled myself with him as Christ would have on way too many occasions, and am equally sure that I have blind spots about this. Whether his answer to me was flowing from his grace or not, which he has much of, I’m not sure. But dad said that even when we had hot disagreements, he never felt dishonored by me in them. He knew that my intent was from love and conviction. This was a cool word from my dad, as you might imagine. On the disobedience realm, he remembers when asking (read: demanding) his sons go and clean their rooms, my older brother would angrily go do it, but throw his toys around in the doing of it in obvious displeasure; my younger brother would feel the threat of a spanking and hop instantly to it in fearful urgency, but also with coercion. But I would hop and bounce happily to my room with a compliant “okay!” and a smile, only to go to my room and play rather than clean. Yeah, he laughed about it now. I don’t think it was quite as funny back then. (see Mt. 21:28-31)
 
I asked my ministry assistant…she said yes. And it was cool, because she came into me first and asked me her question. I said that I feel she works very hard for my success, and all those she serves. Even those with whom she is justifiably frustrated with, I see her working for their success. She did tell me of one time when she felt like I asked her a question about her work environment that instilled hope in her for a change that would have greatly served her family, that I never then acted on. Not a huge deal, she said, but hey…I asked.
 
I asked my mom…And when I asked her, I worded the question, “How have you felt dishonored by me.” She first dulled the blow for me by saying, “I would say, how I have ‘not felt honored’ – because I haven’t felt dishonored by you.” This was a cool word from my mom, too, as you can imagine. But she did say, very humbly, and not wanting to be a complainer that she felt like the only thing she has asked of me these days is a weekly phone call…and that she feels not honored when weeks go by and I have not honored that request. I was very humbled by this, open and receptive enough, and maybe, finally, grown up enough to not excuse myself for this dishonor of my mom. I have no excuse except that my life is my own, and undisciplined, and forgetful concerning this simple, unimposing request. It even took me asking about it for her to mention it. I’m sorry, mom, and ask your forgiveness, and commit “in front of” all these friends to serve you in such a way. It certainly is no burden when I talk with you, quite the contrary, it is a joy and a pleasure. For one thing, I don’t have a bigger fan in the world, and for another, your depth of insight and willingness to explore all things is a delight. And for another thing, you make it easy and guilt-free to hang up when I need to. So know that you are doing your part, and my oversight is not a commentary on your worth, nor is it because you are some sort of burden.
 
I asked my bosses…but I have eleven that could be considered bosses of the traditional sort, and I hope to be sharpened and humbled, and hopefully affirmed, too, by their answers. But I will tell you here and now, it is because they don’t treat me rightly and fairly, but with far too much grace and favor, balanced with relational challenges of honest truth and feedback always packaged in love, that makes me their biggest fan. They are godly men…all. And we at the Southwest church who have them as our Shepherds and trust them with our hearts know how blessed we are. And I am glad to suffer all the accusations of kissing up that I will receive from many of you (if history continues to repeat itself…hahaha) in order to say it of them. Because it is true.
 
I asked my kids… They are seven, five, and three (actually, Jakin 4 as of Monday, but he was three 2 months ago). I had them to myself one night, having sent their mother away for an exciting weekend with a friend, and I isolated each one of them and asked them their question. All of their answers boiled down to this: “When you don’t play with me.” Wow. I learn so much from them…they are my best teachers. I remember a wise old great-grandfather, when I was having my first child and collecting wisdom from the experienced, told me with tears in his eyes as if he wished someone had told him when he had kids: “Just play with them, Brian. Play with them.” I can barely hold it together thinking about the profound wisdom in that, and the bloody battle I have to engage in within myself to honor it’s simplicity.
 
May Christ my King continue growing me up into living as one of his subjects…a Kingdom citizen…expressed in every relationship that I will ever have. And may he do so in you.
 
Some call this kind of introspection “work”. Some call it a beatdown. Some call it grueling. I guess, in a way, that is accurate. But I do it all gladly for the joy set before me that can only be had through it.
 
So I call it life to the full.

Being For Something vs. Being Against Something

7 September 2007
Comments (7)
Note: I wrote this email many months ago, put it in my drafts, and for some reason decided to send it today.
 
“When a man stands ‘for’ something, he stands ‘against’ an unspeakable number of other things without mentioning one of them. When a man stands ‘against’ some one thing, he stands ‘against’ that one thing more than he stands ‘for’ anything.” – Yours Truly
 
I have a question for you (me). I want you (me) to think about this very seriously. Lay down all pride, all pretense, all needs to appear to be a certain thing to anyone at all, and all needs to be understood by anyone at all. Then take out a pencil (you (I) always want to be able to erase when answering questions like this in writing), and answer this:
 
In your heart, are you defined by what you are ‘for’ or by what you are ‘against’?
 
People who are defined by what they are ‘for’ can easily answer (and gravitate towards) questions like:
What are you for?
What are you promoting?
What do you wish for others?
What would you love the world to have?
Who embodies what you stand for and are trying to become?
What are you doing to move forward?
Who are your intimate allies in your life and why?
What is your mission in life?
What is your vision for accomplishing it?
What was your last step?
What is your next step?
What factors will show you when to take it?
How do I connect my life to what you are about and why should I?
 
People who are defined by what they are ‘against’ easily answer (and gravitate towards) questions like:
What are you against?
What “promotings” do you resent?
Who do you dislike?
Why do you dislike them?
What would you love to see eradicated from the world?
Who embodies what you know to be wrong?
Who ‘agrees with you’ and who ‘agrees with them/it’?
How is your mission superior to another person’s mission?
What was the last thing done wrong?
Where do think the things being done wrong will naturally lead?
 
I’m not saying that the second list of questions aren’t good questions. I’m saying they can become a persons primary outlet for making a difference in the world, and that they are extremely inferior to the first set. 
 

I regularly am told of people who perceive that what I am ‘for’ might be dangerous and even harmful to others (either in this life or the next). If this is true, then I am dangerous and harmful to others, because I think without hesitation that what I am ‘for’ is unstoppably good news for every single human being. I think it is the best possible life available to anyone and everyone, and I am using every bit of my energy in promoting, advancing, and sharing it with as many people as possible and who are willing.

 
What am I to do with people who challenge the good-ness of what I am for? In keeping with what I am for, humility and conviction both demand that I will 1) honor their fears by examining my heart to see if there is anything impure motivating what I offer, 2) embrace anything truthful in what they say, even if how or why they said it was impurely or poorly done, 3) let the truth influence and transform me in my ideas, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, and then 4) honor their (and my) free-will and self-responsibility and continue to offer the life of Christ undaunted.
 
So…do you primarily find yourself ‘for’ something or ‘against’ something?
  
 

I am on Cloud Nine!

5 September 2007
Comments (3)
“Let’s make disciples of Christ through authentic and real relationships with people.” – Yours truly, to the Southwest Church
 
“Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” – Paul, to the Philippian Church

“I appeal to you, brothers, that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.” – Paul, to the Corinthian church
 
“May they be brought to complete unity. –  The prayer of Jesus Christ, concerning all of his followers
 

“I have come to find, as a builder and leader of spiritual communities today, that [shared vision] is still one of the most important distinctions and vital characteristics of self-sustaining effectiveness and success in organizations.” – My friend and coach, Jim Spivey

 

“A shared vision is not an idea.  It is not even an important idea such as freedom.  It is, rather, a force in people’s hearts, a force of impressive power.  It may be inspired by one person’s idea, but once it goes further – if it is compelling enough to acquire the support of more than one person – then it is no longer an abstraction.  It becomes palpable.  People begin to see it as if it exists.  Few, if any, forces in human affairs is as powerful as shared vision.“ – Peter Senge
“I am starting a Lifegroup with 5 couples. And I have started a men’s group. We have been meeting for 4 weeks. There are 2 of us right now, and we will share the intimate community we are enjoying with a few others when it is time.” – a paraphrase of my Elder and shepherd, Billy Burr
 
For those of you who know me, the 7 quotes above are enough explanation for why my heart is sky-high after the conversation I had (that I quoted above) with my 75-year-old friend and elder today. It might be little more dramatically clear if you read the first quote (which is our church’s vision) and then read the last one (which is a leader of our church conforming his actual life to that vision).
 
I have this vision. It’s not mine, but I have been totally captured by it, and can’t seem to be loosed from it’s grip (and I don’t want to be. But it seems this vision is viciously opposed and assaulted all the time…as if the whole world conspires and has it’s face set against it). I think my slavery to this vision of becoming and making imitators of Christ comes from a brilliantly mixed “life-cocktail” which includes the combination of 1) my life experience, 2) my ensuing salvation from that life experience by Christ, 3) my continuing Bible study, and 4) the commitment to finding whatever it is that brings me the most abundant life to my heart.
 
End result? “Let’s make followers of Christ through intimate and unconditional community with people.”
 
Now…the word “let’s” can be deceiving. I can live out this vision out by myself. Well, sort of. Of course, I need at least one other person with whom to be in intimate community with. But what I don’t need is the leadership of any church I serve to agree with it and conform their lives to it for me to live it out. Hear me…I’m not being defiant…all I am saying is that I am self-responsible by God’s design, and I can personally and humbly live out the vision of offering myself to my world, creating an atmosphere where we can all become more like Christ, all by myself. If I’m not doing it, there is no one, including those in authority over me at my church, whom I can blame.
 
However…if, in any season of life (such as the one I am in now), the call from God is to have this as a “shared vision” at one of His kingdom outposts (church)…well, then…I would need to use the world “let’s”…I’d need other self-responsible people, leaders of the church preferably, to also personally and humbly offer themselves to people in their world, creating an atmosphere where they can all become more like Christ.
 
All of the elders and ministers at the Southwest Church of Christ made an agreement a few months ago. A commitment to conform the reality of our lives to the agreed upon vision of our lives…that is, to make disciples of Jesus Christ through authentic friendships. So, to have our oldest elder come in today, sit down across from me, offer intimate community to me, and then explain how he is making good, taking seriously, and conforming his actual life to that commitment in such a sacrificial and intentional way…
 
I’m getting choked up just typing it out. I’m scared to death that the simplicity of his actions will dilute the power of them. Our vision is “our stated vision” when we agree intellectually upon it, which we have done. Our vision is what Peter Senge calls “our shared vision” only when all of us leaders leaders die to it and give their lives to it…in the tangible, palpable reality of our actual schedules and lives.
 
As Billy so “matter-of-factly-isn’t-everyone-doing-what-we-said-we-would-do” spoke of how he has 3 times read the latest book given to our leadership team on the subject, and how he is starting two different sets of weekly, relational, transformational gatherings of people, and how he is depending on the Spirit to identify and send him one more couple who “needs it” to join his couple’s group, and how he’s training the young man in his men’s group to be open to God using him to invite the next man who “needs it” to his men’s group, I had to just interrupt him…
 
I got up out of my seat, went over to where he was sitting, put my arms around him, and burying my face into his shoulder said… “Thank you.” 
 
 
 


 

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