Letting Go and Needing Nothing

30 January 2008
“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.” – Paul, in Romans 15:1
Let me ask you a very significant question that you will want to re-read the above quote before you answer. It is a question that has resounding implications…so be careful. It can flare up your ego, or your pride, or your false-humility, or your concern to appear spiritual, or your convictions about your perceived “rights”…or a number of other things that could make your knee-jerk answer completely untrustworthy without you really knowing it. 
 
Ready? Here it is: Do you consider yourself strong or weak?
 
If you will allow me, let me usher a few of you past some things that may make this question difficult.
  • There are some of you who don’t know you are weak, because you have been taught by someone that it is not allowed. You have never allowed yourself the honest question, afraid of it’s potential (and not necessarily accurate) answer. So you answer way too quickly, and with convincing over-emphasis, that you are strong. Let that go just this once.
  • There are some of you who feel diminished right when you hear the question. You have been crushed, humiliated, and hurt and are still suffering. And so you answer way too quickly, with obvious guilt and shame, that you are weak. Let that go just this once. You may answer the same way, but don’t do it for that reason. 
  • There are some of you who have come into true humility, have found strength in your weakness, and therefore want to exhibit your strength once again by humbly acknowledging that you are weak. Let that go, too.
Okay…so with as much sobriety and honesty as you can find, do you consider yourself strong or weak?
 
Paul’s statement, if it’s true, can help us answer this question (and help us help each other answer this question).
 
1. Do you bear with the failings of the weak? – How often do you shake your head disgusted with another? How often do you make the sarcastic remarks about another’s shortcomings? How often do you emotionally “write someone off” when their faults just become too inconvenient, painful, or confusing for you? Harold J. Ockenga said, Those who would follow Jesus now must develop His kind of patience in all sorts of human relations, no matter how exhausting or overwhelming. My point is that many who would say they are strong, rather than “bear with” the failings of the weak, they run from, hide from, label, dismiss, gossip about, and otherwise release themselves from responsibility of the weak. According to Paul, this is not what the strong ought to do.
 
2. Do you bear with the failings of the weak in order to please yourself? – I’ve been in the people-loving business for 22 years. When I started, I beared with the failings of the weak, to be sure, but it wasn’t for the weak. It was for me. Strange, I know, but the wrong reasons to do this right thing are innumerable. I can do it in order to feel like I’m useful. I can do it in order to look good in the eyes of my wife, or kids, or parents, or clergy, or God. I can do it because I’m dying for someone to do it for me and hope that by doing it, some sort of karma will insure that it comes back to me. I can do it trying to relieve my guilt for past failures. My point is that, according to Paul, we should do this right thing of bearing with other’s failings, but we ought also do it for the right reason. In his next breath, Paul made this clear by saying, “Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”
So…are your strong or weak?
 

I‘ve had a couple of weeks of unbelievable demands (or opportunities, depending on how you look at it) to be with some very excited, ready-to-transform, but scared and hurting people. I’ve been tempted to run, hide, overcommit, pursue, and/or stress at every turn, but instead just “let it go” and “need nothing” from any of the cast of characters in this particular scene of the play. When an opportunity to connect to someone in their pain comes, it is usually overwhelming, and you instantly start “hanging on” and “needing to succeed”…and this sabotages your ability to have peace, your ability to have joy, and ultimately, your ability to be a part of how God is “creating space” for Him to do miracles right before your eyes.
 
If I can get past my own need to prove to you that I don’t mean what I’m about to say as arrogant, I would tell you that these last two weeks I have been strong. I’m not always, but I am not only bearing with the failings of the weak, I am loving doing it purely “for them”…as if these friends are not a means to an end, but an end unto themselves for me. And it is beautiful to experience. And there is nothing more for me to do other than focus on “letting go” and letting it happen, and “needing nothing” from anyone or anything on earth.
 
Look at the example of Jesus, with His calm acceptance of every emergency and every other situation in life.  He never hurried.  He never pursued.  He never ‘tried to make it happen. – Harold J. Ockenga
 
Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

 
 

Church-going or Disciple-making?

24 January 2008
“If you were to ask me the question in all sincerity, ‘Lord, what would you rather me do, ‘attend church services’ or ‘make disciples’? How do you think I would respond?” – Jesus, addressing me with this provoking question in my heart yesterday when I was praying
 
At first glance, I’m tempted to answer the above question with a dismissive wave of my hand and a glimmer of ‘brilliant cleverness’ in my eyes by saying, “Both!”
 
I would say it way too loud, too, and with much self-assured authority, not admitting that I would be feeling like I had something to defend.But dog-gone it, it was Jesus asking. Such show-boating and fear and word-play never works with him.
 
If it was a mere mortal asking me the question, I would want to argue that the question is like, “What does God want you to be, a good husband or a good daddy?”
 
But it is not. To be a good daddy, you need to love your children’s mother. To be a good husband, you need to love your wife’s children. To say it another way, if you defined everything that it takes to be a good husband, being a good dad would be on the list. And if you defined everything that it takes to be good father, loving their mom would be on that list.
 
But if you defined everything that it takes to go to church, you do not have to make disciples Jesus. And to make disciples of Jesus, you do not have to go to church.
 
Okay, okay…it’s not the same question. It’s a good question.
 
Honestly, though, I don’t agree with the fear-mongering reader of this email that I’m implying that Jesus is trying to convince people that they don’t need to “go to church”. On the contrary, I merely think that he Jesus is trying to convince all church-goers and non-church goers that if you want to be a Christian, then actually engage with people in becoming more like Christ (which is what discipleship is, by the way).
 
And there is one more group that I think Jesus is addressing by asking this question…a group that I find myself in (which is sometimes painful)…church leaders.
 
Why?
  • Because preachers can be preachers for a church and not be helping people become more like Christ.
  • Because elders can be elders for a church never engage with people in the work of transformation into Christ’s image.
  • Because pastors and ministers can pastor people and minister to people in a zillion different areas or through a million different programs that have nothing to do with inviting people to imitate Jesus in heart, character, mission and priorities.
  • Because teachers can teach and teach, they can even teach “the Bible”, and fill a student’s mind with tons of incredible, non-life changing material.
I’m spending a whole lot of time “attending church” right now, even preaching and teaching within it, in order to become and make disciples of Jesus. It’s not the only way I make disciples. And it may not even be the most effective and productive way that I make disciples. But I only feel in line with Christ when, whether I’m attending church or not, I’m engaging with people in order to make disciples of Jesus Christ.
 
Time demands keep me from being a part of every opportunity that comes my way for making disciples of Jesus. So what I do prayerfully choose to be a part of, I want it to be faithful to Christ’s call on my life to dish out the best possible life available to human beings…followership and imitation of Jesus.
 
If you see anything in my work and ministry that isn’t consistent with that, you would be doing me a huge service in lovingly pointing it out.
 
May God bless us.
 

My Radical-Conservative Vision for a Church

17 January 2008
Stott argues that we need more churches that are radically conservative – conservative in the sense that they conserve what Scripture plainly requires, but radical in relational to that combination of tradition and convention which we call culture. – a quote from Amazon.com’s description of John Stott’s book, The Living Church
 
I’m waxing nostalgic today…remembering when I was first discerning God’s call on my life to consider coming to Amarillo to join ranks with the disciples at the Southwest Church of Christ.
 
I remember them asking me to come up for a visit, and they asked me a question that I remember being giddy about answering.
 
“What is your vision for Christ’s church?” they asked me.
 
It was December of 2003 that I sat down and lit up the keyboard in response to that question…and here is what I wrote:
 

My Vision for a Church

 

It begins very personally for me.

 

I imagine a place where what has happened to me happens to as many fellow human beings as possible.

 

I imagine a place where new birth is common place in the lives of every member, and in the lives of people they are around in their worlds.

 

I imagine a place where God is an assumption, a real Presence, a defining friendship, a faithful Father, an unwavering lover, and an intimidating power. A place where God is feared, followed, and felt.

 

I imagine a church full of worship and adoration and exaltation of the One True God, worship that is manifested in the lives of the members whether gathered corporately, or scattered in the community living life. And when gathered, Yahweh is acknowledged as present…and that He alone is the audience to be pleased, the members are the performers in their hearts, and the worship leadership is the curtain-opener.

 

I imagine a community unified around the singular obsession of giving glory to God and finding their expression of that in His Son’s commission to make fully devoted followers of Christ. I pray for a church incapable of being either ambiguous or legalistic about what it means to be a follower of Christ – finding their definition of “Christ follower” in the life of Christ himself.

 

I imagine a church community where the call to unity is synonymous with the call to God-given mission. And to be associated as a member of the church is to be in full partnership with all other members on their corporate journey towards fulfillment of that mission.

 

I imagine a place where authentic and vulnerable relationships are natural and normal. Where confession is safe, truth is everywhere, and grace abounds. Where Christ’s balanced heart of “neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more” is the grace and truth” banner under which the community lives with one another.

 

I imagine a place of dependence, where thick in the makeup of the entire body of people is the assumption that God is behind this. It would be a place defined by personal and corporate calling on and hearing from an active God. A place where prayer is the answer for everything.

 

I imagine a place of out-of-style, unrealistic giving. Where men and women are called and compelled to use every resource at their disposal towards the accomplishment of Christ’s commission. A place where money is dedicated, relationships are consecrated, children are offered up, position is utilized, influence is mobilized…all for the cause of Christ.

 

I imagine a place where financial security comes from God through our relationship with His church. Never to be abused as anyone’s means for survival, but to be used as security in this world for courageous steps of financial faith.

 

imagine a place where my gifts are put to use, groomed and encouraged, and put to use some more. A place where I can do the same for others. I imagine a place where there is no place for man’s ego, but that when it flares up, it’s handled with care. I imagine a place where I can do that for others.

 

I imagine a place where the story of God, the gospel, the Good News, the centerpiece of the message we have been commissioned with is told and retold in creative and inspiring ways, to each other and to the world to do whatever God’s Spirit has been doing with it for 2000 years.

 

I imagine a place where those who believe the message are invited and inspired to conform to it, to let it define a new life for them over and over as they mature in their oneness with the Author of it.

 

I imagine a place that prayerfully and humbly takes the Word and discerns with the Spirit’s help the priorities of God as He lived them out on earth, and expressed them through chosen, inspired people.

 

I imagine a place where chosen, anointed leaders are committed to an intimacy and partnership with each other that serves as a living model of what the church is trying to reproduce as many times as it can in the community it serves and in the world…and they will go to great and costly lengths to see that Biblical community created among themselves first, and then among the body, and then given to the world.

 

To the glory of God, and for my great joy, I am four years from that writing, and I can say in the integrity of my heart and ecstatic with gratitude that I live in this “place” that I imagined 4 years ago. And I am busy about the business of creating it over and over again as many times as I can.

 

I thank God for the Southwest Church that has been the means of such a gift as this.

Maturing to the Point of Demanding Nothing…again

8 January 2008

“I was sick to my stomach concerning the ‘spiritual abuse’ that was being exalted as ‘defending the dignity of Christ’ at my church last Sunday.” – A very mature elder brother of mine

“I’m so sorry. I know you felt you found a church that was ‘different’. I’m so sorry.” – the understanding wife of that man I quoted above

“I’ve walked around the block concerning this issue, knowing that it happened for me to continue in my own healing and growth, and have come to the place where I don’t need renouncement, apology, or agreement from anyone in my church to be okay with what happened.” – That man again, after a few days of honest feeling, prayer, and introspection

“I am horrified to realize how much unforgiveness I still have about “the church” So I am back in a digging up and doing away with resentment.” – Another very mature elder brother of mine, in an email he sent me today

I’ve been led to this theme again. I wrote another piece on this a few months back, but just like when I work out my body with weights, repetitions are necessary for my body to get maximum effect, I need repitition on all the great spiritual lessons for me to even enjoy any effect at all.

When my first brother above told me of the story behind his quotes above, I was horrified. Seriously. I listened on the phone in absolute awe. I thought it would be a very “subtle crime” that had hurt him, something that could be seen a multitude of ways, and therefore I could easily have compassion on the individuals involved, but dog-gone it, it was in my estimation a blatant, self-evident, heinous unChristlike crime being done in the name of Christ…again.

While I sat spellbound at the story…I was simultaneously spellbound by my buddy’s “processing” of his experience, and how he landed in a place of needing nothing from those who committed the crime in order to forgive and let it go. I said earlier that I would’ve liked to have easily had compassion, which ended up impossible, but compassion is still (and always is) possible…easy or not.

I have some deep, deep convictions. I would go as far as to say I have some serious non-negotiable that I demand to be present in my life. But I am learning that every single one of them MUST NOT demand anything from anyone else…else I’m in trouble.

Personally, I call it my own immaturity every single time that I find myself needing anything from anyone. My job is not, and can never be, to get anything out of anyone. My joy is not, and can never be, associated with getting agreement, apology, or renouncement from those who I feel offended by. I would rarely feel joy at all.

Life is hard enough NOT needing anything from anyone…why would I attach my joy to other’s “getting it right”?

I’m not saying I am immune to the effects of what other people say or do or think…far from it. But I am saying that I no longer need them to stop (or start) saying or doing or thinking in any certain way for me to find the best possible life.

My friend exercised the “spiritual practice” that enables those of us who attempt such unconditional compassion…

1. He felt it deeply and honestly in all it’s rawness.

2. He shared himself with God and his intimate community as he went (thumbing his nose at the idea that he has to always ‘have it together’ in front of other people).

3. He assumed there was good for his heart in the circumstances he was in…and resolved within himself to find it.

This all led to 4) he transformed a little bit more into the image of Jesus Christ.

The prayer of Jesus on the cross always, always, always serve towards this end, if we can attain unto it…as they rejected him, shamed him, humiliated him, laughed and spit while doing it, slandered him, inflicted pain on him quite intentionally, and murdered him without cause…he prayed, “Father, forgive them. They do not know what they are doing.”

Listen, my friends. This is ALWAYS, ULTIMATELY true. Hurt people, hurt people. Always.

Those who reject you, shame you, humiliate you, laugh and spit while doing so, slander you, inflict pain on you quite intentionally, and murder you (whether in flesh or spirit)…do not know what they are doing.

If you want a life of joy, maturing to the point of demanding and needing nothing (he who has ears, let him hear) is mandatory spiritual growth.

I love you.

The Jakinian Language

20 December 2007
So, regarding singing your song, the real question here is, do you want to fit into a little box with your life and your song, kind of like singing along with a “popular” song that doesn’t quite fit you, but is acceptable and “nice,” or do you want to risk everything to BUST LOOSE and CO-CREATE! –identifying and celebrating what is unique and extraordinary about you.” – Jim Spivey
 
“Live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” – Paul (emphasis mine)
 
“Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Ancient Proverb (emphasis mine)
 
 
My youngest son Jakin has started developing his own language. It’s called the Jakinian Language, or Jakinese, depending on how he feels. He loves adding words to his vocabulary, and it is slowly infiltrating how he and I communicate and interact. He has attempted many word-creations, but these 5 have stuck in our memories and have become real parts of our vocabulary.
 
Shaka-Baka (shah-kah-bah-kah) – “I love you.”
Moshe (mow-she) – “I’m sorry.”

Aka-Bakee (ah-ka-bah-key) – “See you later!”

Taleequah (tah-lee-qwah) – “Could you please come here?” or “Come here.” (depending on tone of voice)

 
And my personal favorite…
 
Sekasakee (see-kah-sock-ee) – “It’s singin’ time!” (After which it is culturally appropriate to bust out in song).
 
Jakin is 4, and he has yet to figure out that he is supposed to learn and behave and communicate within “what already is” and thinks that he can just go around making a unique contribution in order to “co-create what is”.
 
I pray that God grant me the freakin’ grace to never break him of this.
 
It is his creation, and my job is to encourage this entrepreneurial spirit in him by being a participant with him in it…and I’ll tell you what, it is a joy, and it brings joy to both of us as we participate in his creation, and it has even brought joy to those who have had the privilege of overhearing us. You should see the smiles it produces out of thin air!
 
Maybe it seems silly, but I’m telling you what this actually does and produces – it transforms otherwise mundane, normal, regular, popular conversations and interactions between a father and son into a creative, exceptional, special, intimacy-building experience. And dog-gone it, isn’t that the whole point of life anyway? That may actually be a pretty good definition for the word:
 
Life (lif) – a creative, exceptional, special, intimacy building experience.
 
The Bible says that Jesus came to give us this…and to give it to us to the full (Jn 10:10).
 
I must fearfully confess that I almost squelched this whole thing of his, right at the outset of his experimenting with it, as an inconvenient, childish, silly, immature waste of time with a wave of my hand and roll of my eyes. Oh God help me…how many wonderful and beautiful things have I so mindlessly destroyed with such ignorant apathy and dismissal!? So many of us grow up and “outgrow” our creativity, and I guess the creativity in others (of any age) makes us mad, or regretful, or guilty, or feel diminished…so with a wave of the hand and roll of the eyes we dismiss them.
 
As Jakin grows up, if I will train him in this way that he should go, his own unique way…then when he is old, he won’t depart from it. He’ll keep on going around thinking he is supposed to make his own unique contribution rather than fit himself into some “preconceived and proven” job or some pre-determined cookie cutter role. Rather, he will co-creating with God with ever-increasing significance and impact. And at a time when I’m about to preach a sermon about “joy to the world” during a season when people pay a tad bit more attention to actually doing so, I’m now acknowledging and mourning all that “is not” because of the boxes that all of us people think we and those around us are supposed to operate in. 
 
Thank you, Jakin, for busting loose and allowing me to be a participant in co-creating something that is unique and extra-ordinary about you. I want to be just like you.

The response of devastated husbands

12 December 2007
Last week, my friends Bryan and Roman both received terrible phone calls about their wives. They were each in very serious car accidents.
 
Bryan is a shepherd among a group of Christians in Africa that I have grown to love. And Bryan is one I truly respect and am grateful for, because he is advancing the Kingdom of Christ through his love.
 
Roman is a shepherd among a group of Christians in Amarillo that I have grown to love. And Roman is one I truly respect and am grateful for, because he is advancing the Kingdom of Christ through his love.
 
Bryan’s wife was killed in her accident, and Roman’s wife is still in unconscious in critical condition in the hospital. I wanted you to read a piece that each of them have written in response to their respective tragedies. After you read them, you clearly see how God get’s glory through his people…those in the midst of tragedy and those who dare surround them, joining them in their pain, as agents of healing.
 
One final note from me: In Roman’s piece, you will notice my little brother’s role in “being Christ” to Roman’s family. This kind of zeal, commitment, sacrifice and loyalty is not unusual for Craig, it is his daily life, and I have been a blessed recipient of it all of my adult life. He and his wife Vicky are some of the very finest I know. Roman is in Craig’s men’s small group (accurately dubbed “The Unit” by Roman’s son, because of their intimate partnership and cooperation in becoming more like Christ together and delivering Christ to the world), and their community is a model of what being the church is all about. It is not my intention to diminish the roles that all the others are playing (actually, most of them are also a part of Roman’s “small groups”, be it at work or at church), only to highlight the great pride I take in my brother.
 
Enjoy.
 
 
FROM BRYAN: “To all friends and fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
 
This is just to acknowledge your condolences and best wishes following the death of my dearest wife, Rose on 3 Dec 2008 following a road traffic accident.. having lived with her for 30 years she had become in “inseparable” part of me according to my human thinking but the Good Lord had other ideas. Some events and signs leading to her death have left me in know doubt whatsoever she is in the hands of our Lord Jesus right now. I am convinced the Lord took my wife and therefore am happy for her. It is the void she has left in my life and that of the children that is irreplaceable and is the source of my heartaches. I simply don’t have an idea of how I will cope without her but pray to God that He will pull me thru as He has always been Gracious to me. The very fact that He gave Rose to me as a partner is clear evidence that I have always found favour in His eyes. Please join me in prayers to enable me to overcome.
 
The sad thing is that although I have always known that she was a very good partner, I have only realised the extent of her goodness after her departure, How I wish I had shown her more appreciation during her lifetime on this wretched earth.
 
The presence in our home of so many Christians, family members and other friends during the 6 days of mourning were an appreciated source of comfort which I will always cherish. All the kids were also able to come home and join me in time for the burial.
 
My simple advice to all is that we should appreciate our spouses whilst they are alive.

 
 

FROM ROMAN: God put it on my heart to share and give thanks to those who have responded to my family in this crisis. Whether checking up by phone, praying, asking others to pray, doing menial tasks for me, buying a meal for me, (or a phone), you are appreciated. I know there are people that have done things that I don’t know about and have come by to visit and I did not see. I give thanks to God for all of you. I recognize all of you who have thought of my family during the day and said a prayer. All is appreciated. I do want to and think it is right to recognize those who have gone above and beyond and I already know now that I will forget someone and even miss someone because they have done it behind the scenes. Just know all of you are appreciated.

You all need to know what a minister Craig Mashburn has been to my family. Yes, I said Craig. On day one he was there and took my phone to exercise the warranty on it so I would have it. This was after I shattered it on the floor in my pain. The company told him I must be there myself. He just bought me another one and had all my information on the phone transferred to the new one. He is the first one here in the morning and the last one to leave. He has been here 12 to 15 hours a day everyday. He does not leave for lunch unless he is taking some of my family to eat. He runs interference when we are too tired to respond. He forces us to eat and sleep when we need to. He has done and will do anything we ask. He has made the biggest impact on my children. They both love him. He has played makeshift volleyball games in the waiting room. Instant messaged across the room to both my kids with bursts of laughter. One night he left and I got to my car a few minutes after and he was scraping ice off my windows. I teared up. Austin told me last night, “Brian and Craig are so different, but they have the same heart.”

My last post I gave Bryan VanMeter credit for cleaning my wife’s bloody rings and he let me know that it was his sweet wife that had done that. What he did do was almost as loving. He shot three pheasant on Sunday and fried up two breasts and gave it to me. Now that is love. He has been here everyday at least once a day. He has engaged with my children as well.

Michelle Mitchell is picking up our mail 20 miles from her home and going through and organizing our bills. I understand she and another have been raising funds to help our family. She is here everyday at least twice a day. Wade has been here every day as well.

Landon Collard and Justin Nash are here daily for emotional support and making sure my mind is in the right place, helping me see what God is doing, helping me to help my children process this, and keeping me accountable in my relationship with God in this haze. Friday, they both plan on supporting me as I see our car in person and the place of the accident. Craig Mashburn will make that trip as well.

Tammy Nash is updating you guys with information from this web site. Knowing Tammy, she is doing a thousand other things that I do not know about and/or have forgotten.

Betty Golightly got past this accident with my father and ministered to his heart regarding his painful ordeal. She reminds me of Biblical truth everyday. She tells me about the awesomeness of our God and what he has done in her life to help in times such as these.

Melissa’s work crew in Clarendon have driven up here numerous times to visit and call at least twice a day. They cleaned all our stuff out of the mangled car. Her lunch bunch sent lunch money for my family. The whole college for only the second time in it’s history have donated hours of leave for Melissa to continue her pay while she is out. There are professors who have stepped forward to teach Melissa’s load for no compensation to assure our financial security.

My work crew has donated money for our meals as well and came back with a second money donation for meals. Barry Gilbert is doing his job and mine until I return. (real sure I will pay for that later) Charlotte Robledo, my co-worker’s wife arranged a big basket of snacks that has still not run out. I am told that leave donation will be in order if I run out as well. Jane King, my God wise boss and friend has kept me spiritually centered. Jay Kantor, has agreed to help negotiate replacing our car with a dealer locally. They have representatives here about every day. Jeanette has baked twice and brought every kind of coffee creamer you could want to go with this bad hospital coffee.

My mother has done laundry and cooked and is taking care of my rambunctious dog. She has rearranged her life to be here.

Melissa’s uncle has brought a huge motor home to a nice park only a couple of miles from here so we do not have to drive home twenty-five minutes one way. We are also able to sit in shifts and drive there to sleep and eat and just relax.

Countless friends have brought their kids to entertain mine and have taken them bowling and to movies an to eat or just to be here to keep them company. Though I have been given tons of money from friends, family and work friends, there are those that will not let me spend it and have bought my family meals.

I have forgotten as many things as I have mentioned. I tell people I have an emotional concussion and my memory is scattered, discombobulated, and gone. Just know in the moment when you have ministered to me and mine, it was special and encouraging. I feel held up by a thousand hands. You all who have done anything for me and mine are the hands and feet of Christ my savior. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
 

 

What I want for Christmas…

11 December 2007
I want to love people just enough… 
 
…just enough for them to know they are not alone.
…just enough for them to know that I am okay with them just the way they are.
…just enough for them to remember that they need not deserve love in order to have it.
…just enough for them to feel space in their lives to reflect, inspect, and introspect.
…just enough for them to believe that there is more, better, and deeper life and that it is available to them.
…just enough for them to find themselves in my life and my story unfolding.
…just enough for them to feel like their existence and life deserves a party.
 
I want to love people just enough to shake up their status quo in any way that will give them more life.
 
This is how I want to love. This is how God has loved me. This is how I want to love all of you.
 
Merry Christmas. I love you.

The Way of the Reformer

30 November 2007

“Only a few people read that and cry.” – my friend, Jim Spivey

 

This essay that I’m sharing with you was written 100 years ago. But I read it yesterday. And I had to share it with you today.

 

Why? you may ask.

 

Because I must share my heart…for better or worse, I would suffocate and die without doing so. It is burden that many run from, and I can not blame them. But there are also those who receive my need as their gift, and work with me to understand it, and they are my dearest of friends…most especially those who then use it to address and share their own hearts with me and with others. In my world, we are participating in the very work of God as we thumb our noses at the drivenness so presumed and expected by the world and take the time to engage our hearts. “The Kingdom of God is within you,” my Lord says, yet even in the church world, drivenness calls “Kingdom work” things that we do externally, and “Kingdom growth” the addition of people to the church. Kingdom work external inasmuch as you are engaging with other people in their own inward work. And Kingdom growth is the expansion of God’s rule in the hearts of men.

 

I feel so explained by this essay. And since it is by a man who wrote it over a century ago, I don’t feel so alone, strange, or abnormal. At the very least, I know I am not the only one with my particular set of abnormalities.

 

I both apologize and refuse to apologize for how glorious this guy paints the picture of what he calls a “reformer”. Humility demands that I apologize for applying such glory to myself. Honesty demands that I admit this is exactly the kind of glory that I want to have.

 

It is long, but if you can not read it slowly, I advise you to not read it. This is more of warning, than a demand, because if you read it fast you will only be able to say “I read that thing”, not “I heard it’s heart.” And the real tragedy in it would be your unawareness of it.

 

And just for the sake of a little bonus self-disclosure, I bolded some of the statements that particularly stuck out to me.

 

I love you all.

 

 

 

THE WAY OF THE REFORMER, from an essay entitled The Power of Truth by William George Jordan, published initially in 1902

 

“The reformers of the world are its men of mighty purpose.  They are men with the courage of individual conviction, men who dare run counter to the criticism of smaller minds and hearts, men who voluntarily bear crosses for what they accept as right, even without the guarantee of a crown.  They are men who gladly go down into the depths of silence, darkness, and oblivion, but only to emerge finally like divers, with pearls in their hands.

He who labors untiringly toward the attainment of some noble aim, with eyes fixed on the star of some mighty purpose, as the Magi followed the star in the East, is a reformer.  He who is loyal to the inspiration of some great spiritual truth, and with strong hand and heart leads weak, trembling steps of faith into the glory of eventual certainty, is a reformer.  He who follows the thin thread of some startling revelation of Nature in any of the great sciences, follows it in the spirit of truth through a maze of doubt, hope, experiment, and questioning, till the tiny, guiding thread grows stronger and firmer to his touch, leading him to some wondrous illumination of Nature’s law, is a reformer.  He who goes up alone into the mountain of truth, and, glowing with the radiance of some mighty revelation, returns to force (through the power of his conviction) the hurrying world to listen to his story, is a reformer.  He who seeks to work out for himself his own bold destiny, the life-work that all his nature tells him should be his, bravely, calmly, and with due consideration for the rights of others and his duty to them, is a reformer.

 

These men who renounce the commonplace and conventional for higher things are reformers because they are striving to bring about new conditions; they are consecrating their lives to ideals.  They are the brave aggressive vanguard of man’s progress and God’s promise.  They are men who can stand a siege, who can take long forced marches without a murmur, who set their teeth and bow their heads as they fight their way through the smoke, who smile at the trials and privations that dare to daunt them.  They care not for the handicaps and perils of the fight, for they are ever inspired by the flag of triumph that seems already waving on the citadel of their hopes and dreams.

If we are facing some great life ambition, let us see if our heroic plans are good, high, noble, and exalted enough for the price we must pay for their attainment.  Let us seriously and honestly look into our needs, our abilities, our resources, our responsibilities, to assure ourselves that it is no mere passing whim that is leading us.  Let us hear and consider all counsel, all light that may be thrown on every side; let us hear it as a judge on the bench listens to the evidence, and then makes his own decision.  The choice of a life-work is too sacred a responsibility to the individual to be lightly decided for him by others less thoroughly informed than himself.  When we have weighed in the balance the mighty question and have made our decision, let us act, let us concentrate our lives upon that which we feel is supreme, and, never forsaking a real duty to others, never be diverted from the attainment of the highest things, no matter what honest price we have to pay for their realization and conquest.

When Nature decides any man as a reformer she whispers to him her great message, she places in his hand the staff of courage, she wraps around him the robes of patience and perseverance, and starts him on his way.  Then, in order that he may have the strength and endurance to live through it all, she mercifully calls him back for a moment, and makes him … a dreamer and an optimist.  For the way of the reformer is hard – very hard.  The world knows little of it, for it is rare that the reformer reveals the scars of the conflict, the pangs of hope deferred, the mighty waves of despair that wash over a great purpose unfolding – except to a very devoted few.  Men of great purpose and noble ideals must know the path of the reformer is loneliness.  They must live from within a very tight circle rather than in dependence on broad and diverse sources of help from without.  Their mission, their exalted aim, their supreme object in living, which focuses all their energy, must be their primary sources of strength and inspiration.  The reformer must ever light this torch of his own inspiration and tend to it.  His own hand must ever guard the sacred flame as he moves steadily forward on his lonely way.

 

The reformer in morals, in education, in spiritual awareness and practice, in sociology, in invention, in philosophy in any line of aspiration, is ever a pioneer.  His privilege is to blaze the path for others, to mark at his peril a road that others may follow in relative safety.  He must not expect that the way will be laid out and asphalted for him.  He must realize that he must face injustice, ingratitude, opposition, misunderstanding, the cruel and harsh criticism of contemporaries, and often, hardest of all, the wondering reproach of those who love him best.  Leading a great purpose is ever an isolation.  Should a soldier leading the forlorn hope complain that the army is not abreast of him?  The glorious opportunity before him should so inspire him, so absorb him, that he will care nought for the army except to know that if he lead as he should, and do that which the crisis demands, the army must follow to survive and be victorious.

 

The reformer must realize without a trace of bitterness that the busy world cares little for his struggles, it cares only to join in his final triumph; it will share his feasts, but not his fasts.  Christ was alone in Gethsemane, but – at the sermon in the wilderness, where food was provided, the attendance was four thousand.

 

The world is honest enough in its attitude.  It takes time for the world to realize, to accept, and to assimilate a large new truth.  Since the dawn of history, the great conservative spirit of every age, that ballast that keeps the world in poise, makes the slow acceptance of great truths an acceptance for its safety.  It wisely requires proof, clear, absolute, undeniable attestation, before it fully accepts.  Sometimes the perfect enlightenment takes years, sometimes decades, sometimes generations.  It is but the safeguard of truth.  Time is the supreme test, the final court of appeal that winnows out the chaff of false claims, pretended revelation, empty boast, and idle dreams.  Time is the touchstone that finally reveals all true gold.  The process is slow, necessarily so, and the fate of the world’s geniuses and reformers in the balance of their contemporary criticism should have a sweetness of consolation rather than a bitterness of cynicism.  If the greatest leaders of the world have had to wait for recognition, should we, whose best work may be trifling in comparison with theirs, expect instant sympathy, appreciation, and cooperation, where we are merely growing toward our own attainment?

The world ever says to its leaders, by its attitude if not in words, ‘If you would lead us to higher realms of thought, to purer ideals of life, and flash before us, like the handwriting on the wall, all the possible glories of development, you must pay the price for it, not we.’  The world has a law as clearly defined as the laws of Kepler:  ‘Contemporary credit for reform works in any line will be in inverse proportion to the square root of their importance.’  Give us a new fad and we will prostrate ourselves in the barren dust; give us a new philosophy or way of life, a new worldview, a higher conception of life, morality, and spiritual truth, and we may pass you by, but posterity will pay for it.  Send your messages C.O.D. and posterity will settle for them.  You ask for bread; posterity will give you a stone, often called a monument.

 

There is nothing in this to discourage the highest efforts of genius.  Genius is great because it is decades ahead of its generation.  To appreciate genius requires some level of comprehension and some of the same characteristics.  The public can fully appreciate only what is a few steps in advance; it must grow slowly to the appreciation of great thought.  The genius of the reformer should accept this as a necessary condition.  It is the price he must pay for being in advance of his generation, just as front seats in the orchestra cost more than those in the back row of the third gallery.  . . .  There is nothing the world cries out for so constantly as a new idea, and there is nothing the world fears so much.  The milestones of significant progress in the history of the ages tell the story.  For example, Galileo was cast into prison in his seventieth year, and his works were prohibited.  He had committed no crime, other than being in advance of his generation.

The modern world says with a large sweep of the hand, ‘the opposition to progress is all in the past; the great reformer or the great genius is appreciated and recognized today.’  No, sadly, this is not true.  In the past they tried to imprison or kill a great truth by opposition; now we gently seek to smother it by making it a fad. 

 

So it is written in the book of human nature:  The saviours of the world must ever be martyrs.  The death of Christ on the cross for the people He had come to save typifies the temporary crucifixion of public opinion that comes to all who bring to the people the message of some great truth, some clearer revelation of the divine.  But truth, right, and justice must triumph, and always will.  Let us never close the books of a great work and say, ‘it has failed.’  No matter how slight seem results, how dark the outlook, the glorious consummation of the past, the revelation of the future, must come.  And Christ lived but 30 years; and He had twelve disciples – one denied Him, one doubted Him, one betrayed Him, and the other nine were very human.  And in the supreme crisis of His life ‘they all forsook Him and fled,’ but today – His followers are millions.

 

Sweet indeed is human sympathy, the warm hand-clasp of confidence and love brings a rich inflow of new strength to him who is struggling and the knowledge that someone dear to us sees with love and comradeship our future through our eyes is a wondrous draught of new life.  If we have this, perhaps the loyalty of two or three or six or ten, what the world says or thinks about us should count for little.  But if this be denied us, then must we bravely walk our weary way alone, toward the sunrise that must come.

 

The little world around us that does not understand us, does not appreciate our ambition or sympathize with our efforts, that seem to it futile, is not intentionally cruel, callous, bitter, blind, or heartless.  It is merely that, busied with its own pursuits, it does not fully realize, does not see as we do.  The world does not, because it cannot see our ideal as we see it, does not feel the glow of inspiration that makes our blood tingle, our eyes brighten, and our soul seem flooded with a wondrous light.  It sees naught but the rough block of marble before us and the great mass of chips and fragments of seemingly fruitless effort at our feet, but it does not see the angel of achievement, beauty, and gracefulness slowly emerging from its stone prison, from nothingness into full being, under the tireless strokes of our chisel.  It hears no faint rustle of wings that seem already real to us, nor the glory of the music of triumph already ringing in our ears.

There come dark, dreary days in all great work, when effort seems useless, when hope almost appears a delusion, and confidence the mirage of folly.  Sometimes for days, weeks, or months your sails flap idly against the mast, with not a breath of wind to move you on your way, and with a paralyzing sense of helplessness you just have to sit and wait and wait.  Sometimes your craft of hope is carried back by a tide that seems to undo in moments your work of months or years.  But it may not be really so; you may be put into a new channel that brings you nearer your haven than you dared to hope.  This is the hour that tests us, that determines whether we are masters or slaves of conditions.  As in the battle of Marengo, it is the fight that is made when all seems lost that really counts and wrests victory from the hand of seeming defeat.

 

If you are seeking to accomplish any great serious purpose that your mind and your heart tell you is right, you must have the spirit of the reformer.  You must have the courage to face trial, sorrow, and disappointment, to meet them squarely and to move forward unscathed and undaunted.  In the sublimity of your perfect faith in the outcome, you can make them as powerless to harm you as a dewdrop falling on the Pyramids.

Truth, with time as its ally, always wins in the end.  The knowledge of the inappreciation, the coldness, and the indifference of the world should never make you pessimistic.  They should inspire you with that large, broad optimism that sees all the opposition of the world can never keep back the triumph of truth, that your work is so great that the petty jealousies, misrepresentations, and hardships caused by those around you dwindle into nothingness.  What cares the messenger of the king for his trials and sufferings if he knows that he has delivered his message?  Large movements, great plans, always take time for development.  If you want great things, pay the price like a man.

 

Anyone can plant radishes; it takes courage to plant acorns and wait for the oaks.  Learn to look not merely at the clouds, but through them to the sun shining behind them.  When things look darkest, grasp your weapon firmer and fight harder.  There is always more progress than you can perceive through your senses, and it is really only the outcome of the battle that counts.

 

And when it is all over and the victory is yours, and the smoke clears away, and the smell of the powder is dissipated, and you bury the relationships that died because they could not stand the strain, and you nurse back the wounded and faint-hearted who loyally stood by you, even when doubting, then the hard years of fighting will seem but a dream.  You will stand brave, heartened, strengthened by the struggle, re-created to a new, better, and stronger life by a noble battle, nobly waged, in a noble cause.  And the price will then seem to you  . . . nothing.”  

 

Final note from Brian: And now, dear reader, if you have made it this far…and you have paid the price of listening…and you have resonated with anything in this (and it is not to your shame if you have not)…I would love to hear the cry of your heart that it awakens.

The New Normal

9 November 2007
“That is completely normal.” – a commonly used phrase, but for completely different reasons (but most recently and powerfully used by my new friend Rick last Tuesday night in my basement)
 
They way most of us eat is completely normal, but it’s not good.
They way most of us think is completely normal, but it’s not healthy.
The way most of us act and interact is completely normal, but it’s not best.
The way most of us go about success is normal, but it’s not right.
The standards most of us use to measure ourselves are normal, but they are not Christ.
 
Don’t get me wrong…I find so much comfort, and hope you do too, to know that some of our deepest, darkest struggles, habits, and behaviors (the ones that are self-defeating and bring us death) are not unique to me. It is quite nice to know that I am normal.
 
But there has to come a point when we who follow Christ confront normal, and create a new normal.
 
For those that follow Christ…
 
It is normal stay in things when they are hard.
It is normal to forgive everything of everyone.
It is normal to share our deepest thoughts, sins, and struggles.
It is normal to share our ideals, dreams, and joys.
It is normal to suffer humiliation for our faults and not be crushed by it.
It is normal to be patient with our kids.
It is normal to honor our parents even when they are undeserving.
It is normal to sacrifice anything temporary for the good of someone else’s temporary.
It is normal to consider who we are around and be sensitive about what comes out of our mouths.
It is normal to defend people’s hearts from the wounds that come from others.
It is normal to defend the hearts of those “others” that did the wounding.
It is normal to love and want the best for our enemies.
It is normal to use prayer as our answer for everything.
It is normal to suffer for the joy of it.
It is normal to swallow our pride for our spouses daily and like it.
It is normal to be free.
It is normal to feel peace.
It is normal to have joy.
It is normal to live in ways that bring about life to the full.
 
It’s the new normal. And if we are not in the process of creating a new normal, we are not in the process of bringing about the Kingdom of Christ.
 
Most people I know that do not have the above as their “normal” are normally:
 
1. Not following Christ.
2. Pretending they are following Christ.
3. Calling what they are doing following Christ.
4. Following Christ part time.
5. Saying they don’t need Christ.
6. In love with their own potential for Christ.
7. Disbelieving that the “new normal” is possible at all, calling Christ an “impossible ideal”.
 
My desire is to constantly be creating a “new normal” for my life, and helping others do the same. It is grueling, sometimes slow, confronting, emotion-producing, status quo breaking, opposed work. And it is the best possible life.
 

Question: "Colder or Warmer?" Answer: "Yes."

1 November 2007
“Make them one, Father.” – Jesus Christ
 
My daughter was dipping her feet in the bath water that I was running for her so I could find out if the temperature was to her liking.
 
“You want it colder or warmer?” I asked.
 
“Warmer.”
 
So I turned the knob a little warmer and asked her to feel the flowing water. She looked at me, and said, “Warmer!” a little more emphatically.
 
“Okay!” I said, with an emphatic tone of my own, to point it out the inappropriateness of hers, as I made the water a little warmer.
 
She felt it, and looked at me with an incredulous look as if I was intentionally disregarding her instructions. My 5-year-old looked right in my eyes and said to me loudly, slowly, and as if I was only a 2-year-old, “WARM-ER!”
 
I felt the water to make sure I was, indeed, making it warmer…which I was. It was actually starting to get uncomfortably hot. I said, “Callie…I’m making it warmer, but it’s starting to get hot.”
 
Then she yelled, “I don’t want it hot…I want it WARMER.”
 
With an explosion of understanding sweeping through me, I realized that Callie was asking for something dramatically different from what I was delivering. In terms of water temperature, she knows 3 categories: “cold”, “warmer”, and “hot”. So when I asked her if she wanted it colder or warmer, then she felt it and it was hot, she said “make it warmer.”
 
The tension that was growing between us because of our slightly differing understandings of the same exact words lifted completely as we figured that out. But it took some work.
 
Oh, how I see this happen in our church. For example…
 
Everyone wants more evangelism – but to some that means getting more people in the building for Christ, and to others it means getting more people out of building into the lives of others for Christ.
 
Everyone believes in Bible study – but to some that means getting people into Bible classes more, and to others it means getting people into Bible living more.
 
Everyone believes in baptism – but to some that means giving baptism the same “salvational” weight as we give Christ himself, and to others it means using it as yet another of Christ’s means of transforming people into his own image.
 
Everyone believes in worship – but some think it’s what they do on Sunday morning, and others think it’s what our lives are.
 
Everyone believes in God – but some think He’s a divine police-man, some that He’s a gentle Santa Claus, some that He’s a frowning parent, some that He’s a demanding boss, some that He’s an uninterested Other, and still others think that He is just like them, whatever they have come to be.
 
These misunderstandings are not a huge problem of any consequence, in my opinion. At least they don’t have to be. If all of us will just “stay in the tension” that is created because of our differing understandings of our Christian vocabulary lists, then we will actually and usually find an explosion of understanding of each other that will allow us to communicate, agree, and serve each other and with each other…as we follow God, worship God, baptize people into God, study the Bible about God, and evangelize the world for God.
 
Back at the bathtub, when Callie and I finally understood one another, it took humility from me to accept her definition of the words we were using (especially since I “knew she was wrong”). I then was able to teach her my definition of the same words. The laughter that she and I shared as we “played back” the tension we were throwing at each other actually increased our joy in that moment. If it hadn’t happened, it would’ve been an uneventful filling of the bathtub.
 
I think many us run from the discomfort of misunderstandings between us way too soon. Too soon for us to know each other’s hearts, too soon for us to feel the tension, too soon for us to have the explosion of understanding that would make us intimate allies. That would make us one in Christ.
 
But if we stayed long enough to become one, then we would have the glorious honor of being an answer to Christ’s prayer to his Father recorded for us in John 17 – “Make them one, Father.”
 
I wonder what Christ meant by that? “Make them one”?
 
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