Being, Belonging, and Becoming – Part 2
“I don’t belong anywhere.” – powerless when spoken as accusation or resignation, powerful when owned as a false perception or realization
“That’s just the way I am.” – one of the saddest, most faithless phrases I’ve ever heard
“Just be.” – spoken my many, followed by none
Ever since I wrote part one of these three pieces, I’ve been enjoying using these three words, in my own mind, more and more as an explanation of my life and love for others…being, belonging, and becoming.
Perhaps there is more to my life and work than these three things, but if my life consisted of nothing else but these, and if my “ministry” to others gave help on nothing more than these, I would be overwhelmed with satisfaction. I will restate here that I am fairly consumed with the work of what each one means, how to practice them, and where they interact.
Belonging
It is quite amazing to watch people and see what they will do in order to feel like they “belong”. Perhaps in no one more dramatically than teenagers. I have seen students completely change their wardrobes just to belong. I have witnessed them allowing themselves to be used for sex just to belong. I have seen them scream “I hate you” to the folks that have sacrificially loved them most just to belong. I have seen them perform horrible cruelty to themselves and other living things just to belong. Much of what we do can be explained by this desire.
Of course, it is not just teenagers. I have seen adults submit to the strangest religious practices just to belong. I have seen them compromise their values just to belong. I have seen them kill themselves making money just to belong. I have seen them lord it over their kids quite harshly just to belong.
“Belonging” is something that people universally seem to be longing for (cheesy pun, there, I admit, but done quite accidentally, believe it or not. I noticed it on my proof-read!).
This idea of belonging speaks to our relational nature. Think about it. Have you ever been able to experience yourself “in relation” to something or someone else? The famous and ancient Greek challenge to “Know Thyself” can hardly be done without a context within which to do it, which demands that we find ourselves in the midst of or up against someone or something else.
Most everything can be explained in people through the lens of their desire to belong in relationship…
- to a family
- to a people group
- to a larger story
- to a movement
- to a company
- to a religion
- to a nation
- to a God
- to an ideology
I suppose one of the great human gifts that can be given from one to another is the gift of belonging. I know I fail constantly, but I do intentionally try, with everyone I meet, to assist them in feeling like they belong wherever we are at, wherever they are at, with me, and with mine. Generally speaking, I do this in two ways:
- By looking past the superficial differences between us, as extreme and obvious as they may be, and look for myself in every person. Since I know how desperately I want to be loved, when I find myself in them (how we are just alike), I find myself loving them.
- By looking past their humanity, as broken and ugly as it may be, and look for Jesus Christ in every person. Since I know how desperately I want to serve Christ, when I find Christ in them (and he is always there), I find myself loving them.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but when genuine love is inflamed inside of you for someone, you will do anything that is good for them, even at great cost or inconvenience to yourself. Our genuine love is the force that tempts the object of our love to feel belonging.
However, I have also noticed that most people who are longing for belonging usually do belong somewhere. It is not that belonging has not been intentionally offered, but something in themselves that keeps them from feeling the belong.
I know for a fact that I was accepted, warts and all, way before I felt accepted. I belonged way before I felt the confidence and security and well-being that comes from belonging.
Most, if not all, of you are, too.
The people who are able to “find their place” anywhere and with anyone are the people who already know they have one no matter what place they are at and with whom they are with.
There are those who go way too far at helping others feel like they belong because they themselves feel as if they don’t, and they are resolute in sparing others this deep pain in attempts to relieve their own.
That notwithstanding, those who have deep understanding and live in the reality that they belong to God, and their place is immovable, spend their time peacefully and patiently and painstakingly helping others feel like they belong, in order to show them that they really do.
Re-read and consider my opening quote above whenever you are tempted to blame your feelings of not belonging somewhere on someone other than yourself.
Again…Beautifully written!! Thanks be to God!!!