Monthly Archives: March 2010

“Just be.” – spoken my many, followed by none

“I don’t belong anywhere.” – powerless when spoken as an accusation, powerful when owned as a realization

“That’s just the way I am.” – one of the saddest, most faithless phrases I’ve ever heard

I’ve been toying around with three human needs all of my life…being, belonging, and becoming. They came to me as this simple list of words on my way to the office this morning. I thought, “I bet I could categorize everything I’ve ever written, every sermon I’ve ever preached, every feeling I’ve ever felt under these three categories.”

Whether I can or not, I am fairly consumed with work of what they mean, how to practice them, and where they interact. So I thought I’d write about them directly for your consideration and feedback, one at a time.

Being

“Being” is a word that brings me peace. It confronts my inclination towards frenzy. It brings me back into the present.

It has been said that although we are referred to as “human beings,” we are better described as “human doings”. And at least in most of the developed world, the idea that we are in the “human race” takes on new meaning. The race we seem to be in seems so right and productive. It demands a life of “doing” to be sure. And the saddest thing is, most humans can not imagine an existence that is different (and often get angry when someone seriously suggests that there is). I hear so many cultural catch-phrases that that are embedded with the “wisdom” of busyness.

• “So much to do, so little time.” (so do as much as you can)
• “Time is money.” (so turn as much of the first into the second as possible)
• “With great power comes great responsibility.” (if you have a talent, it’s wrong not to use it at every opportunity)
• “Don’t just stand there, do something!” (As if just standing there isn’t sometimes the thing to do)

Flying in the face of this ever-present assumption that doing = joy, success, happiness, faithfulness is the age-old wisdom delivered through the Sons of Korah, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Ps 46).

A grown man wept uncontrollably in my presence yesterday. As he explained himself, he used words that capture in such an honest and raw way what is true, at some level, for all of us. He said,

“I have tried everything I know to do. I’ve taken it all on my own shoulders. I’ve been handling it all myself. I’m running myself ragged. It’s not working. I don’t know what to do.”

I told him to stop trying so hard and stop doing so much. I said that whatever it is that is next for him, the idea of ‘”letting it happen” will be better guidance than the idea of “making it happen.”

This theme runs throughout scripture (invisibly, to most of us)…

When faced with an overwhelming battle to fight, the people were told: “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Ex 14:13-14)

When they opened their Bible’s for the first time in years, and felt convicted at how far their lives had strayed from the true and good ways, “the Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be still, for this is a sacred day. Do not grieve.” (Neh 8:11)

When others seem to have more success than them, and particularly when they do so with unfair, unjust or adversarial means, David says, “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” (Ps 37:7)

I’ve learned to depend on this in my life. It’s a far better (and simpler, and easier) way to live. His offer stands for every single person when he says, “Be still before the LORD, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling.” (Zech 2:13)

And in case you need to see how Jesus applies this (which I always do), here’s how he goes about it: “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working. I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does.” (John 5:17-20)

Nothing could be more practical than this.

Take note, doing addicts, that there is no need to defend the actual practice of doing some things. You will miss the heart of this message entirely if you need to pretend that I’m lifting up some sort of constantly inactive, un-diligent, lazy or apathetic view of things as the way of Christ.

On the contrary, there is plenty to do. Jesus said, “I, too, am working.” But if you do it by yourself, it will be nothing, and it will consume your life with fruitless doing.

There is no shortcut. We need to learn to see what God is doing and join him in that as he shows us all he does.

If you need something to “do” – then do that.

Next piece: Belonging

What is one to say when life gets interrupted with death?

Whenever I am called upon to answer this question (in the form of sharing at a funeral), I am always filled equally with dread and honor.

I’ve spoken at many funerals… my family, close friends, nearly perfect strangers, religious and irreligious, old and young, tragically unexpected and comfortably natural. Last week I spoke at the heart-aching funeral of a 3-week-old baby named Ryson. This week I will speak at the soul-stinging funeral of a young woman who committed suicide, the wife of one of my friends and mother of 3.

Do you feel me? Equal parts dread and honor. Each and every one has provided a unique stress on me, and also a unique blessing.

I’ve tried to be all “preachery” and develop some sort of “form funeral” outline (well, not really tried…but have often thought it would make things easier) that fits each and every circumstance of death powerfully but generically, with some sacred space inside of it to pack with personal stories or circumstances in order to serve and honor the family of the loved one. But that has never come for me. It has for weddings, but not for funerals.

So I find myself “attaching to the emotion” of each death with my whole heart as best as I am able, by “being with” the family and friends left behind (sometimes physically, sharing and remembering, but sometimes just emotionally and from a distance, observing and empathizing). Somewhere in the midst of this exercise, words come.

I feel they come from God. Why? Because I’m not smart enough to come up with them alone, and the reaction to them is always mysteriously good.

So when the come, I write them down next chance I get. They provide me with some comfort (“shew…I have something to say”), but they usually provide some more dread (“Are you serious, God? You want me to say that?”).

At any rate, some thoughts came to me for Ryson’s funeral last week that I found very useful for me in general, concerning the emotional roller coaster ride that loved ones find themselves on when death interrupts their lives.  I thought them worth sharing with you.

These thoughts come in the form of four perspectives on death that each of us unintentionally (and usually uncontrollably) jump between, each one with it’s corresponding emotion attached. They are all appropriate perspectives (as are the emotions attached to them), and they all serve a role in ushering a human being safely through the experience of death, but two of them are meant to be temporary, and two are meant to be permanent.

The first perspective has us looking at “what was, that is not anymore.” Attached to this perspective is the emotion of mourning. We had a person, and now we do not. As human beings, we seem to grow accustomed to the presence of someone (or even some things) once they are in our lives. Our lives, expectations, and even schedules get influenced and revolved around them quite quickly, and we attach our happiness to all of this. So… mourning is the process of adjusting to the loss of someone (or something) we have attached to. It can be seen when a friend moves to a new city, when we retire, when all the kids leave, and yes, when someone dies.

The second perspective has us looking at “what could have been, but will not be.” The emotion here, to distinguish from mourning, is grief. This is more of a future perspective on our loss, the loss of something that we feel was supposed to be, but isn’t going to be. It’s why our loved one’s birthday will cut to the heart a little each year, holidays are difficult, and milestone events (graduations, weddings, family reunions, etc) will have their sting.

Pause here for a minute. We must beware of shortchanging or shortcutting either of these powerful feelings of loss…in the days immediately following and in the years to come. While we aren’t meant to live in them every day (praise God!), they are meant to be visited. Though we place stone monuments in cemeteries, these are the monuments of their memory and evidence of our capacity to love, truly worthy things to hang on to and cherish. While it is natural for humans to always want to escape pain, our love for those we lose is something we never want to escape. And if Christ taught us anything in his story, it is that love and pain are bedfellows. So don’t let the ongoing feelings of loss spiral you to despair…instead let it elevate you to your love.

The third perspective, which causes the emotions of gratitude and even rejoicing, is “what is, that is so much better than it was.” Death is many things, and one of the things that it is, is the ultimate escape from the pains of this life that we are all vulnerable to. When we dwell on the pains and sufferings that our loved one no longer must deal with, the emotion of gratitude slides into our hearts. For example, baby Ryson fought hard for his life for 3 weeks in the hospital, which is courageous and admirable, but he wasn’t meant to have to fight at that intensity daily. This perspective allows us to feel gratitude for the rest and relief of this pain. And for those who believe in Christ, there is the additional surge of gratitude that comes from knowing that the life Ryson was fighting so hard for, is now his in all it’s abundance without strain.

Pause again. I might add that there is a guilt that tries to creep in on people here. Our Enemy loves to poison this healthy and positive perspective, making people feel like they are selfish for feeling any gladness… as if they are only grateful because they themselves get to be done with the loved one’s pain. We need to guard our own hearts from this, and the hearts of others. Else we (or they) will get trapped in mourning and grief out of a false sense of duty to prove that they love who they lost by doing so.

The fourth perspective is only available to people of faith. And this one is the one that gives the human being the feelings that make life abundant presently no matter the circumstances faced, that is, the feeling of hope and confidence that leads to joyful perseverance. It is the the perspective of “what will be, which is the perfection of our heart’s deepest desires.” Those who follow Christ have a story that tells us that death is not the end and does not win. It says that there is a time coming when we will have our loved one and they will have us and all of us will have God. Jesus said that the Greatest of all Commandments are those that speak of love for God and love for one another. I believe he chose those two because they are what will remain when all of what we know now is gone. The complete perfection of every desire that the human heart longs for and can never attain in all of it’s glory here on earth… is coming.

I have found that the healthiest people who have suffered loss are the ones who progress openly and honestly through each of these perspectives, embracing and deeply “being with” them all, until finally they become able to control this emotional roller coaster, living primarily in the 4th perspective, and choosing to visit the other 3 when necessary and desired. For the 4th perspective is the major theme, the first two are true, but minor themes, and will not last. And the 3rd perspective, while very helpful in ushering us to the 4th, is as far as the atheist can go for comfort, and it does not seem to create lasting joy in them.

I hope this helps someone who reads this, because I’m not quite sure why I’m writing it, or where these thoughts have come from. I’m grateful to Ryson’s family, however, for most recently inviting me into the dreaded and honorable position that they did, that I could get these words for myself.

I needed them.

They confirm to me that death isn’t really a interruption to life, but a powerful and potent and relentless part of it. Necessary for life to the full, which I am daily after.

I love you.

P.S. At risk of being a bit trivial after such a weighty subject, I have some more books for sale here. Perhaps you know someone who might be interested?

“I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.” – Deuteronomy 30:15

“Choose life.” – Deuteronomy 30:19

“Listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life.” – Deuteronomy 30:20

I was faced with a horrible choice yesterday.

I was leaving an intense day of work and headed home to pick up my son for soccer practice.

I found myself tired. And I found myself wanting a Dr. Pepper. Toot n’ Totom was up there on the right. As I was driving by, I was torn between my desire for a Dr. Pepper and my desire to not expend the energy it would take to stop, get out of my car, and go in and buy a Dr. Pepper.

As I was deliberating what to do, a brutal moment of self-awareness smacked me across the face. I was choosing between being lazy or being unhealthy.

I started laughing. (Partly because of what I’m about to tell you, but partly because I’m the freak that for some reason thinks up stuff like what I’m about to tell you!)

The first quote above popped into my head…you know, the one where God says that he puts before us the choice between life and death. Yet here, on my drive home, I had put before myself the choice between death and death.

I have so many friends that live here. They are choosing not between life and death (that God consistently puts before them), but between death and death (that they consistently put before themselves).

• Should I get even or be bitter?
• Should I lie or should I hide?
• Should I be violent verbally or physically?
• Should I give in or give up?
• Should I get drunk or high? (ever thought of staying engaged with reality?)
• Should I buy clothes I don’t need or electronics I don’t need? (I know lots of hungry people.)
• Should I divorce out of a loveless marriage or stay in a loveless marriage out of duty? (um…how about addressing the loveless thing…you know, by loving)
• Should I have meaningless sex or sex I convince myself is meaningful so I can have sex? (If sex is your end game, you’ll do one or the other, inside or outside of marriage)
• Should I be rebellious or religious? (Two self-defeating approaches to shame – one denies it, the other manages it)
• Should I vote Republican or Democrat? (I’m only kinda kidding here)

The decision that offers two bad choices never comes from God. We humans provide those for ourselves.

God gives us the choice the between death and life. There are exceptions, but most of the time, most people know the difference.

I mean, c’mon, take a look at the Ten Commandments. They don’t take spiritual super-powers to understand or agree with. Don’t steal. Don’t murder. Don’t sleep with someone else’s spouse. Don’t overwork yourself or those who are under your authority. Tell the truth. Honor your parents. Don’t revolve your life around worthless things. Love God. Represent God’s love well.

I think it was Francis Chan who pointed out to me that the Ten Commandments, contrary to popular belief, are not some super-high idealistic standards that are hard for human beings to measure up to. On the contrary, a person has to exert quite a bit of energy just to get underneath these standards. They are more a basic list of the minimum standards of being a decent human. Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos are making a killing on TV showcasing the people who break these commands, presenting them almost as freak circus acts that don’t have a clue. And based on what? These (almost) universally accepted commandments.

Some recent shows:

• “DNA: It’s your baby!” – 7th commandment
• “I know you murdered my son.” – 6th commandment
• “My mom made me lie.” – 9th commandment
• “Steve, Lock up my daughter.” – 5th commandment
• “Sex and Drugs at 13” – 2nd commandment
• “My Teen Would Kill for the Klan” – 3rd & 6th commandment

I know these are dramatic examples, that seem so crystal clear, but that is only because they are on TV and being exposed through the simple “life” vs. “death” choices that they are. If Steve or Dr. Phil got a hold of you and your self-defeating choices, they would seem drastically crystal clear, too.

I guess here is my point: Before we make a choice, we choose what it is we will choose between. 

God could just as truthfully have said, “Here, I set before the the choice between choosing between death and death, or choosing between death and life.”

So many of us have chosen death from the start by being fooled into thinking our choices are between two death-producing ones.

LET US ADVANCE from choosing between two different flavors of death, to the choice of Deuteronomy 30:15 – between life (-giving things) and death (-producing things).

 AND THEN, when we stand at that much healthier crossroads, follow the advice of Deuteronomy 30:19 – choose life!

For those who make it that far, those few who choose life consistently and faithfully, there becomes available to them another set of choices.

The choice between life and life.

If and when you get there, my friends…where you must choose between a life-giving thing and a more life-giving thing, struggling to discern which is which…well, wow. Praise God. You will then have entered into the most glorious adventure of your life. And to make that choice, you will then need the instruction of Deuteronomy 30:20 – listen to His voice.

“The man who accepts that there are never only bad choices will always find a good one. The man who always chooses the good one will always find himself with more than one good one from which to choose. And the man who learns to hear from his heart which good choice is best for him, and in faith obeys, finds himself living in the midst of miracles. He is the man with the most abundant life, for he has found life in God.” – Yours Truly

I have a book that was published in 1789, the year George Washington was elected our first President, in Philidelphia. The guys who were responsible for it (Thomas Coke & Francis Asbury) had interactions with George Washington himself. It’s an old book, published in America only two years after the Constitution was published!

The first article in this book (which is a collection of writings, poetry, essays, hymns, letters, and sermons) is a sketch of the life of James Arminius, taken from an oration that was spoken at his funeral, which was another full 180 years before this book was published…in October of 1609. These are some old words, written and spoken on the same year that Galileo was introducing his first telescope!

Arminius is best known for his stand against what would come to be known as Calvinism (the idea that God’s sovereignty necessarily implies that all men are predestined/predetermined by Him to be either “saved” or not). He was so capable of standing opposed to this belief against numerous other great and respected minds that the view he took is now known as Arminianism (the idea that God’s grace is available to all, and each man has the free-will to accept or reject it).

Anyway, that is who he is, but that is not why I’m writing about him.

When I opened it, the last thing I expected to find written in this 221-year-old book were words written by a man 408-years older than me that so perfectly say what I want to be able to say.

They come from his will, upon which he added these words, as he laid on his deathbed…

“Above all, I commend my spirit to God, its faithful Creator and Saviour, before whom I have walked in my profession and calling, with a good conscience, in simplicity and sincerity. I call him to witness, that I have advanced nothing but what, after the most attentive consideration, I have deemed the sense of scripture: and that, in whatsoever I have advanced, I have had in view only to extend the knowledge of the religion of Christ Jesus, the worship of God, and the common holiness and peace of all.”

Arminius died when he was 49-years-old. I have 7 more years until I’m his age.

I hope I will be able to say what he said, with profound confidence, by then.

How about you? Can you say…

• That you have commended your spirit to God?
• That you have walked in your calling?
• That you have done so with a good conscience?
• That you have lived in simplicity and sincerity?
• That you have been most attentive to consider the “sense” of scripture?
• That you have advanced nothing but that?
• That you have as your goal the life of Christ and the worship of God?
• That you have as your goal the common holiness and peace of everyone?

I have some serious adjustments to make.

“Hey, Daddy, I wrote this book for you.” – my daughter Callie

And here it is…in full.

“Jesus” – Written and illustrated by Callie Mashburn.

Published by the Callie Company.

Isn’t this sort of what all of us need to do? Own and retell the story of Jesus in our own words? “Illustrate” it ourselves with our own colorful stories and perspectives? And “publish” it by living it out in our own lives?

I guess we could tear up the detailed inaccuracies between Callie’s book and The Book (like the fact that in the Bible Joseph doesn’t seem to be around when the crucifixion of Jesus took place, even though Callie describes he and Mary being “so sad” when Jesus died), or get caught up correcting the bad grammar or misspelled words (“sall”=saw), or point out that an actual picture of the cross of Jesus would be a tad more gruesome that Callie’s drawing. But, oh, how we would miss the point of it all, eh? Oh, how we would miss the heart. And we would be frozen stiff, afraid to to tell the unbelievable story of Jesus because we might “get it wrong” or “not be good enough.”

I pray that Callie never stops telling the story.

Eventually, of course, I want the title of her book to be “Callie” – Written and illustrated by Jesus.

What a sweet book that is, and Jesus is writing it right before my eyes. And what a sweet book Callie has written and gifted to me.

It’s not for sale. But here is your reminder that these are. Auctions close on Sunday and Monday nights. If you have any interest in them (or in supporting the Mashburn family’s takin’-care-of-business fund), be sure to bid in these by then.

On a side note (but probably worthy of it’s own blog piece based on several conversations I’ve had this week), it was a little sad to me that Callie ended her book with the observation that back in Jesus’ time, “every day people would go to the cross and worship Jesus,” but “these days, we worship Jesus by going to church and singing about Jesus.”

If she is right, and that is the extent of how we worship “these days”, we need to get back to how they did it back then: both in frequency and focus.

…I was a part of an experience that left a mark.

It was an experience with death. But it was much more than that. It was also and experience with love. And with family. It was pain and comfort at the same time. Laughter and tears. Immense, unbearable, and crushing sorrow (for a wife, a daughter, a son, among others), but also powerful, relieving, load-lighting gratitude (for the husband and dad, who was suffering constant pain).

It was the day that my friend Rick Owens took his last breath.

It ended a long journey against life-stealing disease, but it was life-giving disease, too. While his body was dying, his spirit leapt to life with the clarity and love for God and others that only comes to those who have an awareness of how brief life is.

Most of us don’t. But Rick did. And being with him in those last months and weeks and days left a mark. A mark that I hope I don’t soon forget.

I spoke about much of this at his funeral. You can listen to it here.

  (Non-flash audio link)

Rick…I love and miss you. I hugged your wife and son last night, and will pray for them and your beautiful daughter all day today. Thank you for how you handled death. Thank you for how you handled life while it was yours. But thank you especially for how you handled death.

And thank you for knowing and loving Christ. We all look forward to life without end together.

“Why does the TAKS test have to be on March 3rd?” – Shade Canon Mashburn, my son

It may seem a random question to you, and I didn’t have an educated answer. But I know it matters to him because March 3rd is Shade’s birthday. And today, on his 10th, he’s not thrilled that he has to spend about 8 hours of it on a test. All I could say was “I guess it has to be on someone’s birthday, buddy.”

He asked this past Monday, and you have to know that Shade takes the TAKS test really seriously (he didn’t get that from me, I can assure you). So I guess as a way of uplifting his spirits, he asked if we could sit down and make some decorations for him to put around the house for his birthday. So I took some pipe cleaners and a piece of paper, Callie took some popsicle sticks, paper and glue, and Shade himself took an old wrapping paper tube, some pipe cleaners and some tape and we created and then spread these around the dining room. 

Well buddy, I hope this self-medication did it’s magic and lifted your spirits this morning as you passed them and went out the door for school!

Last night as I prayed with Shade before bed, I sort of got lost in reflection about the last 10 years of my life. Now, I’ve got a pretty decent imagination most of the time, but I could not imagine the last 10 years without this fun, passionate, sincere, energetic, ready-to-go, thoughtful, power-packed fireball of a kid in my life! And knowing him, who would want to?

I prayed and thanked God for the whole decade that I have had with this guy. He has been a source of joy, challenge, adventure, sacrifice, selflessness, introspection, transformation, and love in my life. I will never be the same. Because of him, I don’t know how to explain it really, but I am much more real.

Here’s an iPhone photo of he and I in Lubbock trying to look tough.

Here’s how we look when we are being real.

Happy Birthday, Shade. Here’s to the life-long journey of becoming much more real.

I love you.

Many of you may not know that I’m an amateur collector of old books. I’m not sure why. There is something about having an old copy of something that had it’s place in history, that still contains the message that it contained then, sitting on my shelf. The ancient wisdom, the ages-past perspective, and my thoughts of who’s eyes and minds were stimulated by these very books gets my romantic imagination going. I particularly have a fondness of spiritual writings, and find that many contain truths that are timeless.

For example, I have 20 volumes of commentary by a guy named James Hastings. They were published between 1911 and 1915. They are called “The Great Texts of the Bible” and contain some amazing and unique articles, analogies, histories and perspectives on some of the epic texts that leap off the page of your Bible. I’ll sometimes be stuck on some passage and wander over to this Hastings guy to see if it was a text that he thought was “great”. If it was, I read him, and I never leave his feet disappointed.

I found these in a garage sale in Houston.

Okay…so enough about my like for old books (I wouldn’t say love…I’ve met folks who love them. They would laugh at me if I said I loved them).

On eBay, I’m auctioning some of my old books to pay off some new debts. Some of you may be interested or might know someone who is…

• 1905 Sabbath Readings for the Home
• 1868 Prayers of the Holy – a German prayer and devotion book owned by someone who is someone in Germany
• 1906, 1907, 1908 Select Notes on the International SS Lessons – set of 3, owned by a confederate soldier in AR
• Poems and Ballads by Rudyard Kipling – old, but undated
• 1922 Comprehensive Analysis of the Bible
• An 1883 Bible made in the USA
• 1917 Scofield Reference Bible
• And last, but certainly not least (and depending on how much I get, probably not even last)…a 1948 copy of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

The first 4 auctions end on Sunday night between 8:30-8-50.

The last 4 end on Monday night 7:30-7:50.

I’ll be posting at least two more in the near future, maybe more. Thanks in advance for bidding, or forwarding this on to folks you think might be interested.