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I’m having some trouble writing.

9 April 2008
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It has been a while since I’ve written.
 
I’ve sat down to write. I’ve had thoughts and inspirations and things I’m working out.
 
But when I start it, my mind derails for various reasons and I don’t want to jump back on the tracks.
 
Sometimes it’s because there are so many doggone good things, I can’t isolate one to write about.
Sometimes it’s because I get interrupted by a phone call or knock on the door.
Sometimes it’s because I just don’t feel like it.
Sometimes it’s because I confuse myself.
 
I claim that I write in order to “keep it real” with all of you whom I love and live, and also to stay in community, and also to share whatever message there is to be found in my life.
 
I’ve been reading a bunch.
Reflective.
 
I’m always ready for my next revolution.
I always feel like it is right around the corner.
I love revolution.
 
So here’s to all the doggone good things, the interruptions, the feelings, the confusion, the keeping it real, the loving and living community, the message within my life, the reading of other’s messages in theirs, the reflections, the corners, and the revolutions that lay right…around…them.
 
I love it. Whether I’m writing or not. I love life and want more of it.
 
And now it has not been a while since I’ve written.
 
And to those of you, my friends, who trust daringly, who courageously enter into my life and each other’s lives for the sheer love of it, who cling to the ideal and belief that everyone can have the life that Christ lived, and especially those of you who allow me to join the symphony that we are all contributing a verse to…in the most humble way that I can muster, with sincere gratitude for your trust and participation…I can say that I have been writing with the words of Paul:
 
“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. 3 You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.” –  2 Corinthians 3:2-3
 
 
 

 

Other Things I Find Myself Repeating

1 April 2008
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Admittedly, I have quite a few “It’s all about…” statements that I find myself repeating. I know, I know…how can be “all about” more than one thing? Technically, it can’t. But I will still hold that each of these statements are true (and many of them are close to being synonymous) given the right context or lens through which a dialogue is taking place…
 
“It’s all about Christ.”
 
The Bible is about Christ. The whole world was made through Christ, by Christ, for Christ, and in Christ it all holds together. Any part of anyone’s life or philosophy of life or practice of life that is actually giving them “life to the full” comes from Christ, whether they know to call it that or not. Christ’s priorities, mission, and character provide every human being with the priorities, mission, and character that will give their hearts purpose, passion, peace, and joy. Any religion that does not teach, model, and embody Jesus Christ, and help the world conform to Christ’s teaching and heart, is absolutely and utterly worthless (including religions that where Christ’s name claiming to be “right”). To become more and more like Christ is to become more and more aligned with God’s very heart. One way my lord said it was, “I have set you an example, that you should do as I have done for you.” Which leads me to my next repetitive statement…
 
“It’s all about relationships.”
 
I can’t think of one thing that is not related to relationships. We do everything, and understand everything, in the context of “others” or “someone” or “everyone else”. Even the word “loner” is only understood in the context of other people. In my experience, the sooner someone accepts that their life is all about relationships (even if it starts only with their relationship with self), the sooner they start finding life. My master, after being asked what the most important of all the commandments that come from God was, answered with two…both relationally based…“Love God, and love your neighbor.” He said that every single “command”…if you want to look at life through a commandment lens…is based on these two relationships. The very word “love” makes no sense without the concept of relationships. And for my friends who are hyper-focused on “Heaven” or “Eternal Life”…you should know that Jesus even defines it in terms of relationships when he says, “Eternal life is this: to know God and to know me, Jesus Christ, whom He sent.” It’s all about relationships.
 
“It’s all about life in your heart.”
 
My fried Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.” That was his point. He died to give us full life in our hearts…a life that is untouchable by the things of this world. I remember sitting with a good friend who was feeling so guilty because of his drinking problem. He had tried to quit countless times, trying to be “good enough” to be called a Christ follower (for this brother, this included a sinking feeling that he wasn’t ‘saved’ unless he kicked his drinking habit).
 
I asked him the question, “If I ordered your last beer tonight (we were at a restraunt) and you drank it, and NEVER drank another drip of alcohol…would that work? Would your guilt be gone and you would be confident of your salivation? Would you now be ‘good enough’?”
 
He said, “I’ve never thought of it like that. No, I wouldn’t. I’d still not be good enough, and I’d probably still be feeling guilty about other stuff.”
 
I went on…”So your heart ‘knows’ that this won’t work. Since stopping drinking won’t clear your conscience, why would your heart stop something that gives it a little bit of what it perceives to be ‘life’ or ‘enjoyment’? What if you try this…believe you are forgiven with no strings attached because of the blood of Christ. Believe it has absolutely no connection to your religious life, your moral life, or your good works. Believe it has everything to do with grace through the blood of Christ. Then ask yourself, ‘Does the best possible life for me here on earth involve alcohol?'”
 
“It is for freedom that I have set you free, Jesus said,” I continued. “So if the best possible life for you and your wife and your kids and your co-workers and your friends and YOUR HEART involves drinking alcohol, well then, not only is it okay to drink alcohol, Christ died to give it to you.”
 
Suffice it to say that I was as surprised as he was that this line of reasoning sounded so close to license to drink. You might need to read it again, slowly, to follow my feeble attempt at communicating this conversation. All I can tell you right now is that my friend had one of those re-orienting stares on his face while he looked down at his plate of food.
 
Guilt never transforms people, grace often does.
 
My friend just texted me a few days ago telling me it has been one year since his last alcoholic beverage. And you should see this guy’s “life”. He has it in his heart, he wears it on his face, it’s noticeable through his family, and he’s giving it to every person he is in relationship with.
 
It’s all about Christ. It’s all about relationships. It’s all about life to full in your heart.
 
 

Things I find Myself Repeating

27 March 2008
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I’ve been trying to notice the words that seem to come out of my mouth most often as I continue learning to love people more deeply, be with them more intimately, listen to them more attentively, and point them to Christ’s life more purely and practically. For what it is worth, here are some of the things that seem to come out of my mouth most regularly:
 
“I want you to have the best possible life.” 
 
I mention this one first because it really gives context to the rest of my repetitions, but also to every relationship I am in…be it my wife, my kids, my extended family, my church family, my neighbors…all the up to and including my enemies. I’ve not always had these words to articulate my desire for others, and I have found them extremely useful in explaining myself to anyone. Other phrases that I believe are synonymous with this, but oftentimes get misunderstood by people that I interact with, are things like “I want you to follow Christ,” or “I want you to repent,” or “I want you to let God guide your life.” Overall, these particular words are truer to communicating the heart of what I want for everyone, and they seem to leave behind the baggage or offensiveness that some people attach to more ‘religious’ phrases. To my very churched friends, this phrase opens them up to think differently about what it means to follow Christ…and to my unchurched friends, they appreciate the love they see in my eyes for them and open up to the spiritual realities. By the way, I stole this phrase from my teacher, who said it this way, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.”
 
“All you gotta be is willing.”
 
These words come from my deep seeded belief that God is actively at work, manipulating everything in order to make our joy complete by putting us right where He wants us…in our hearts and in the world. I believe that God is completely obsessed with His own glory (by the way, I also believe He is the only one that can be this way and it be an act of love for everyone), and when He is glorified in us, we are so filled with wonder and awe that we become untouchable in terms of our joy. So many of us are so stuck with our world-conditioned view of what happiness looks like that we are too busy to “let” God show us His glory in any and all circumstances that might come our way. In addition to this being said to me at a very formational and revolutionary moment in my life, I see my Master having the same heart when he says, “O Jerusalem, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.” I think Jesus is reflecting God’s heart…a heart that is longing for our good, and all we gotta be is willing to let Him give it to us. This leads to a couple of my next commonly used statements…
 
“You have to believe.”
 
Whenever I introduce the idea of “willingness,” it is just soft and fluffy enough that many honest-to-God searchers and pursuers of life to the full argue with me. And there arguments, while cleverly disguised in oft-repeated phrases of their own like “God helps those who help themselves,” and “But that is not fair,” or “not practical,” or “not realistic,” are really just versions of their feeling the need to “do something”. I’m not saying that there never anything to do, but most people I encounter err on the side of trying to “make miracles happen” instead of “letting them happen”, and putting their limited but powerful energy into the productive work of “being the right kind of person” rather than “doing certain things right”. Belief in what God promises is all over my savior’s teachings, but my favorite one is when he sums up the essence of what our work for God is when he says, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent.”
 
“I’ll die one day, but I will not die before that.”
 
Okay, okay…I actually haven’t gotten to say these exact words yet, but they just came to me last week after I had a magnificent wreck while BMX racing. Admittedly, it hurt pretty bad, and I got some new, cool scars…one large one on my wrist advertising to the world that I’m not living the most cautious life. A sweet and beloved older sister of mine looked at me like mom’s are supposed to, I suppose, and wanted me to rethink my involvement in BMX racing. I’m not nearly as extreme as some, but over the course of my life, I have had to explain my cliff-jumping, sky-diving, motorcycle-riding, mountain-climbing, hitch-hiking, old-car-buying-and-driving-across-the-nation and other adventure-taking endeavors more than a few times. So this is my new phrase that will come out of my mouth frequently to explain myself in this regard…in full recognition that I may have to be reminded of it when I finally do something too stupid, and too far, and pay the price.
 
More to come…I love you guys.

Shade Canon Mashburn – the 8 year old

4 March 2008
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“Can I have a Bible like yours for my birthday?” – Shade’s request to me last night, the eve of his birthday
 
“I’ve learned a lot about You through Shade since you introduced him to me 8 years ago, God. I’ve learned about having a big heart, about passion for life, about being able to love anyone, about welcoming new friends who don’t have many, about having a love for action and adventure.” – my prayer to God tonight with my son on his eighth birthday
 
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – Jesus, in John 10:10, one of the two verses Shade wanted to memorize tonight before bed.
 
“Anyone who claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.” – Jesus, in 1 John 2:6, the other verse
 
My day started at about 5:45am, with my oldest son Shade walking into my room with two big packages that came in the mail last week from his grandparents for his birthday, with strict instructions not to open them until today. I had told him to bring them into my room in the morning, because I wanted to watch him open them. Mom woke up, asked him what he was doing, he explained that he was going to open them when it’s time to get up as he crawled under the covers next to me.
 
At about 6:30 we were all in the living room ready to celebrate Shade all day. He opened his two packages from Carrie’s parents, with scissor help from sister Callie and little brother Jakin claiming each surprise as his own as Shade pulled them out. A perfect Mashburn kid start!
 
Mom asked if he wanted waffles or pancakes for his special breakfast, and he chose pancakes. We all got chocolate chip pancakes, but Shade got one in the shape of an “S”! He joyfully ate ’em up, and got ready for school with mom’s promise that our presents would be his when he got home from school at 3:00.
 
At 11:45, Shade’s lunchtime, he walks in with a crazy lookin’ candle hat from his class that says happy birthday, and he sees his little brother and dad waiting for him with Chic-fil-a at one of the cafeteria tables, which pumped him up (and made all his friends long for chicken!). As if that wasn’t enough, mom showed up 2 minutes later to join him. His smile just kept getting bigger. His 2nd grade teachers gave him 3 coupons for 3 free lunches at 3 different restaurants around town.
 
He got home to see his birthday bag from us, making a point to wait for his mom to be in the room before he opened it, instinctively knowing that his joy is greater when it is watched, shared, and observed by mom. He got a cool little arsenal of nerf guns (wish they made em so cool when I was kid!) and air-soft guns (those too!).
 
Just as he was finishing showing off his new treasures to his neighborhood friends, another package arrived in the mail. From family in Houston, this time. More joy in scissoring and opening and card-reading and Jakin-claiming. Shade decided to share with his brother right away this time.
 
After a lasagna dinner cooked by dad (frozen, of course…mom was out for the evening), the three kids hopped in the Blazer to go get some birthday ice cream treats for desert. Shade got one of those fancy chocolate covered bowl-cone things with 2 junior scoops of peanut butter chocolate ice cream with Reece’s Pieces on top.
 
I neglected to mention that we sang Happy Birthday to him…at breakfast, at lunch, when he got home, at dinner (twice), and now in the ice cream shop we are about to sing it again when Shade asks me to ask the ice cream lady to join in…which she did…making it sound a whole lot better, I might add (Mashburn’s are loud, to be sure, but that’s about it).
 
Then Shade seemed to be taken in by the momentum of it all…he stopped mid-spoonful and said, “Thanks, dad.”
 
“Your welcome, buddy,” I replied.
 
“Can we do a group family hug outside the door on the way to the car before we leave?” he said with chocolate mouth and smiling eyes.
 
“Sure we can!” I answered.
 
After a couple of more bites for everyone, Callie finishing her rainbow sherbet with hot tamales on top and returning from throwing her trash away, Shade continues his lavishing love and appreciation, “I love you guys.”
 
“What?” Callie asked with a high pitched, inquisitive voice, because she had started a sentence just as he started talking (another unique Mashburn trait).
 
“I said that I love all you guys,” Shade repeated, even sounding glad he got to say it again.
 
“Can we sing Happy Birthday to him again?” 4-year-old Jakin now asked
 
I looked at Shade, and with a hint of humility, but a welcoming smile, said, “Just whisper-sing it this time.” Which we gladly did.
 
I brought 3 joy-filled children home tonight, and even the getting ready for bed routine was peaceful and pleasant. I purposely did Shade last, and as I got the first 2 to bed and approached him, he smiled from his room and said, “Thanks, dad. Can we stay up for just little bit and talk?” I invited him to follow me. He did so right down into the basement, right through the locked door of the prayer room. He ran over to his normal spot in there and pulled a blanket up over him, a tad cold, and looked at me sit next to him with anticipation.
 
As I pulled a box out, I informed him that “I have one more thing for you.”
 
“It’s a Bible!” he guessed, and I let on like he might or might not be right…but he was right.
 
It’s pocket sized, soft leather, red-letter edition (with the golden edged pages, which he really liked). He pulled it out of it’s box, smelled the leather, and said, “I love it!”
 
Thank you, God. Let him always love it…and more than that, let him always love who it points him to…and right along with that, Father, give him life to the full…the life it describes…the life of Christ.
 
We went up to his room with his last treasure of the day (it), and I with mine (him). We jumped in his bed to ‘stay up for little bit and talk’ when he said…”Hey, can we get my Bible and I memorize some scriptures?”
 
“Sure…which one?”
 
“I don’t care…you pick.” And he bounded across to get his new book while telling me about some of the stories he was learning from his teacher in a Bible class.
 
“I’m looking for some red letters,” he announced, and then he let me pick John 10:10. After nailing it, and putting the Bible back in it’s new box, he wanted to do another one. “Two every night,” he said.
 
“You’ll know more than me in a week!” I exclaimed, and then said, “Two tonight, but only one on other nights…and we’ll practice the ones you learned.”
 
He was cool with that, and handed me the Bible to give him another one. “This is my life’s theme verse,” I told him as I turned to 1 John 2:6…and he nailed that one, too.
 
And now I sit writing about his day…I guess because I didn’t want to stop celebrating him yet, even though he’s down for the night.
 
Happy Birthday, buddy. You are a joy to so many, and I am so proud to be your dad.
 
 

My Friend Needs a Job

20 February 2008
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“Desperation tends to bring about an extreme search for God and an extreme offer from the world to stop you from having Him.” – Yours truly
 
I have a friend who desperately needs a job.
 
But he wants a life.
 
He has recently left the “party lifestyle” of his youth that involves going out to the bars every night, partying it up with people, and charming everyone on the scene. He was very good at this lifestyle, and it called his name every day when the sun went down. But when the sun came up, with last night’s after-effects lingering, he would be full of regret, yes, but more than that, he would be full of a lingering belief that “there has to be more than this.”
 
It wasn’t long before he found “others” out there that have the same lingering belief, some living in it, some trying to figure out how to live in it. Since then, he has left his “life of the night” and become a “child of the day”…feeding the part of him that believes, and starving the part of him that hinders belief.
 
But now, he suddenly and desperately needs a job. And there is something about needing a job (which is a weird combination of “making money” and “finding a life”) that brings about the competing feelings of urgency and reflection.
 
He started by calling a friend for a sales job. He got a good word from him that opened up a real possibility for a position. And he gave me that good news, but with a spark in his eye he said, “I’m not feelin’ it.” This excited me as he unpacked a vision he had for his life that involved finding a job that “makes a difference” in people’s hearts. He rushed me to the computer and showed me a you-tube video about a difference-making group that got him jacked up. It would involve wholesale revolution and change for my friend…a move to another state, a huge step of faith, help from others to enable him to do it…and his eyes lit up as much as he was lighting up the room as he spoke.
 
That was last week.
 
This week, a variety of obstacles have pretty much cooled his “dream” and made it feel to him like it’s impossible to achieve it anytime soon. So he called another friend to ask if he had anything that might give him a job.
 
So he calls me today telling me about this, and he has a job offer. It’s for the company Budweiser…and his job would be called “Contemporary Marketing Manager”. You know what his job description would be? It would involve going out to the bars every night, partying it up with people, and charming everyone on the scene. He’d hand out free beer, and get this, they are asking him how much he wants to make.
 
I’ve heard of this happening many, many times to people. But the most famous time is recorded in the Bible, when Satan made the extreme offer of “the world” to stop Jesus from living “the Life”. “The devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
 
My buddy is in very good company tonight, with a very big decision to make. Pray that he, and all of us, as it becomes our turn to face this choice between life or death, God or the World, a paycheck or a passion…pray that he makes the same choice as Christ. Which goes like this…
 
“Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'” 
 
I think it goes without saying that Jesus said ‘no’ to the short-term, materially-rewarding, easy-as-pie choice that would have given him the world and a paycheck, and instead took the long-term, eternally-rewarding, costly choice that gave him life for the world and a passion.
 
When you make this difficult choice, GG, I have no doubts whatsoever that what happened to Jesus next will also happen to you: “Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.”

 

 
 
 

The successful minister’s life

13 February 2008
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“I am very clear about something very important right now, in this moment.  When we are aware of the many crises that befall and befuddle us daily and everywhere as human beings, we actually become better human beings – more caring, more compassionate, more focused, more purposeful, and as a result more fulfilled.  When we relax and go oblivious, we become “fat, dumb, and happy,” and totally worthless to ourselves and others, and we appreciate nothing.  I think there’s a clue here to the answer to the question, “Why look for the death and suffering?”, and it is to find and celebrate life as the fragile and unspeakably beautiful gift that it is, that I’m totally aware of today, and we’ll see what I notice tomorrow.“ – Jim Spivey
 
“The people who opposed Jesus weren’t content to only attack the practice of his faith, but the people with whom he practiced them. ‘Here is a friend of tax collectors and sinners,” they said, and ‘why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners,’ they questioned.  Because,’ Jesus replied, ‘I haven’t come to call the righteous, but sinners.'” – A thought inspired by a book about Lent that my friend Bro. Marcus sent me for my birthday 
 
There are two lives beckoning me as a “minister”.
 
One life I will title the “Successful Minister’s Life”: This life asks me to invest in becoming a better and better public speaker, it invites me to teaching assignments that would require more time in my office with my head buried in books, it wants me to travel far and wide for speaking engagements at very worthwhile events, and it suggests that on top of that, that I would do well to fit in the writing of books. Each of these things have their own corresponding opportunities for the growth of how many I can influence for Christ, financial rewards with which to bless my family and give to the Kingdom’s cause, and life-long learning in the doing of good things.
 
 I’m not judging those who live it, nor am I stating that this life doesn’t make a God-honest, life-changing impact on people, but I can honestly say that immersing myself into this life would for me be a treacherous act towards Christ, a betrayal of my family and my message, and the death of me.
 
The other life I will title the “successful minister’s life” (Sorry, I couldn’t come up with anything better than the same name with lower-case letters…but I think this adequately draws a visual picture of how easily the first could overcome my practice of the second): This life asks me to invest in becoming a deeper and deeper lover of those around me, it invites me to people assignments that would require more time out of my office with my heart buried in relationships, it wants me to travel far and wide into the “heart engagements” with the hurts of those living right around me, and it suggests that on top of that, that I would do well to fit all of this in just as soon as I’m faithful in the daily practice of it all with my family. Each of these things have their own corresponding opportunities for the growth of how deeply I can influence someone for Christ, financial faith with which to bless my family and give the to the Kingdom’s cause, and life-long learning in the doing of the best things.
 
I’m not saying that I have it perfectly nailed, or that this life doesn’t sometimes include some of the practices of the former life, but I can honestly say that immersing myself into this life is for me faithfulness towards Christ, an honoring of my family and my message, and the death of me.
 
The former life, would cost me less and stroke my ego more, two things that I’ve learned I am inclined towards, but would leave me “fat, dumb, and happy.” It would leave me living defensively, managing my life, and caring way too much about whether other people “are changing” or not in order for me to pretend I was successful.
 
The latter life, costs me everything (which turns out to be less), and strokes my passion more (which turns out be a higher trip than my ego has ever provided), two things that I’ve also learned that I am inclined towards, but this life leaves me “joyful, peaceful, and loving”, and hanging out with people the people that Jesus said he has come to call (of which, I am one).
 
I’m not pretending that my choices are as black and white as all this. I actually am investing in becoming a better and better public speaker, and taking teaching assignments that put me in books in my office, and I’m going to LA in two weeks to a speaking engagement, and this blog, of course, is a form of my fitting in the “writing of books”. But I choose not to let these things use, castrate, diminish, overwhelm, or distract me from my life and plug me into a pre-defined “ministry matrix” from which I would need to be saved all over again. Instead, I use them, ever-so-cautiously, to deliver the best possible life to and from my heart….the life of Christ.
 
I love you all for your unique and varied contribution to it…you are highly prized and valued.

Immature or Premature?

7 February 2008
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“I always know a mature, wise person by how “comfortably unsure” they are of things – not in a cynical, pessimistic, self-deprecating kind of way, but in an open, inquisitive, delightedly and delightfully curious kind of way.  They take their time with questions that solicit their opinions, often not answering them at all, knowing that the question can be an old ego-trap.  And I always know an ignorant or immature person by how certain, make that downright cocksure they are of things – not in a humble, gently confident kind of way, but in a condescending, critical, and dismissive kind of way.  They have the answer almost immediately, even before the question is asked.  We often fail to realize what we are revealing about ourselves, at least to anyone who is really paying attention to and somewhat experienced in the subtleties of human nature, when we come across as immediately sure about things and/or about other people’s issues and shortcomings.  And we can’t fake wisdom, especially when things get heated; the performance just doesn’t hold up in the flame of human conflict and melts away like wax in the fire. We really don’t know very much about what makes other people tick (if we’re honest, we’re usually not even totally sure about what makes us tick in the moment), and if they just plain “tick us off,” then there’s probably something pretty significant going on inside us that we just haven’t discovered yet.  “Dismissing or dissing” others when confronted by these unknowns is a sign of immaturity, laziness, or a very tired, over-busy mind.  Time and experience (in the form of many painful relationship breakdowns and failures) will take care of this eventually, if you let it, which is the first sign of wisdom.  When you’re up to it, you will start asking yourself the million dollar question first, “What am I doing or not doing to contribute to this situation that I don’t like?” and that is always the most self-responsible approach to any problem relationship, and it seems to come naturally only with experience, maturity, and hard-earned wisdom.“ – Jim Spivey
 
“I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.” – St. Paul in Phil 3:12-16 
“The difference between those who are immature and those who are premature is that the premature eventually mature.” – Yours truly 
 

As I search for the clues that Jim and Paul look for to identify the “mature” in the quotes above, I find these:
 
The mature…
…are comfortable with not knowing what they don’t know, and are always open to the idea that what they know may be (partially or completely) wrong.
…do not make a point of proving to everyone that they are humble through any form of self-criticism.
…when convicted that something is true, state it humbly and with gentle confidence.
…are very aware of their own ego, and the constant threat it is to their own cratering to it.
…know that “how they are” is revealing their character much more than “what they know or do”.
…see all problems that they “feel” or “have” with others is firstly and primarily the discovery of a growth area for themselves.
…have stepped into, been hurt by, survived, and stepped into again and again very messy relationships and learn from each one, and value the process of doing so.
…know with absolute confidence that Christ Jesus has taken hold of them, for their good, and for their constant refinement, which is nothing to fear.
…”press on,” joining Christ’s energy with all of their own, to share in the joy of constantly becoming more wise (not be confused with becoming more knowledgeable).
…have no need for other people to agree with them on anything, even on this list of what makes someone mature, confident that God himself loves that person enough to “grow them up” too, making all things clear with little or no help from them.
 
The immature…
…are cynical, pessimistic, and self-deprecating about themselves.
…do not delight in “not knowing” things.
…answer questions way to quickly and forcefully, almost daring others to disagree.
…are condescending, critical, and dismissive.
…are fairly sure about, critical of, and sarcastic about other people’s issues and shortcomings.
…either fail miserably, over-exert, check-out or just don’t show up when things get heated, messy, or emotional.
…instead of letting our issues with others prompt fearless self-discovery, just let those other people “tick them off”
…think that “appearing wise right now” is far too important to just engage with life as it comes, trusting that it’s difficulties are giving me the wisdom I want
…do not put their confidence in the undisputable, unalterable, untouchable fact that Christ Jesus holds them and is doing exactly what he wants, and that they can’t mess him up with their grandest mistakes, and that they are right where they need to be in every given moment.
…do not “forget what is behind”, and instead carry their guilt, shame, and fear with them everywhere, infecting everything
…do not “press on” towards anything that might be ahead, so scared that they might lose what has already been attained.
 
I’m glad to confess that I can recognize that “mature guy” inside of me, and he is growing. And I am sad, but not defeated, to confess that I can recognize that “immature guy” inside of me as well, but he is dying. If I could draw a line graph measuring the strength and forcefulness of the immature guy inside of me over my lifetime, it would show a steady downward trend, with occasional, but brief, spikes upward (the days that I find myself particularly vulnerable and weak and self-indulgent). And the downward trend is getting increasingly steep, moving exponentially downward, giving me the very real hope that Paul speaks of…”the prize”.
 
And the mature guy “presses on” towards it, moving exponentially faster “heavenward in Christ Jesus”.
 
What a ride! And I am totally clear that I have absolutely nothing else to focus on and “do” in life, and need to coerce nothing from anyone around me to succeed in it.
 
But I offer myself to Christ, not because I think I have value, but because I know that Christ knows better than me, and I trust him more than me, and he says that I do have value.
 
And I offer myself to the world, not mindlessly or on its terms, but intentionally and soberly and lovingly, and according to what I discern my calling to be from Christ…to be weak, willing, honest, and courageous in every single relationship that God sends my way in order to help them become more like Christ, and to help the world become more like the Christ’s Kingdom.
 
I (the immature I) must die every day to this, and have found it to be the hardest part of my life, and the only one that gives me life. So I (the mature I) put myself (the immature self) on the alter before God every day, wondering why he would accept such a meager offering as love for Him, but grateful that He accepts it and delivers Himself right back to me.
 
It sure isn’t a fair trade. But I would stupid to turn it down.
 
 

Not Enough Energy to do the Wrong Thing

6 February 2008
Comments (1)
I’m always taken by how being “physically sick” stimulates a “waking up” for me. I’ve been in a sickly funk for about 2 weeks, not enough to take me out of action, but enough to keep me constantly tired and drained. And during the course of the two weeks, it seems the intensity of the “battle” for the hearts of people around me has been particularly intense.
 
As I live my life of choosing to fight for people’s hearts (always being faithful to doing so for mine first, so that I do so for others in a productive, rather than self-destructive way, which helps no one – see James 2:8), I find myself feeling like Neo, Morpheus, and the crew in the Matrix movies…fighting against the people I love, for the people I love.
 
So this weird experience has been happening to me over these last two weeks of being slightly under the weather and energyless. Maybe you can relate to me when I confess that usually when I am tired or weary, I don’t have the energy to do the “right things” for myself or in my relationships. I don’t offer my gifts to the world…I don’t give my energy to people, for people, like I would if I was feeling fine. And I excuse myself from it “because I’m sick” or tired. Self-defeating and confusing thoughts pop into my head to justify my inaction like “It’s overwhelming and hopeless anyway,” and “They don’t even want what I’m offering,” and “It won’t matter if I take just one day off.” These delusions actually sound reasonable, true, and weighty in those moments, and I choose to agree with them, because I don’t have the energy to fight. 
 
But this time, these two weeks, it’s like I didn’t have the energy to do the wrong thing! This time, I bypassed all of the spiritual, internal, introspective, prayerful “working through” my fears and insecurities that I normally go through to find the energy to do the right thing, and just went straight to the right thing. It has been a glorious experience, probably not noticeable for all those outside of me, but very special and intimate for me and God.
 
And I woke up this morning (in more ways than one) to see these videos in my inbox, which I took the time to watch. In the first one, I got a visual of a potential and believable “real world” matrix forming itself around us, and I invite you to watch it — whether it is true and accurate isn’t as important to me as the believability of it, because something “like it” is true and at work in the world, trying to get all of us to “volunteer” into the system because it makes so much “sense” — it made me cry.
 
 
The second two videos are a scene from the last Matrix movie, where Smith has become powerful beyond belief, totally taking over and ruling the Matrix as “his world”, with only Neo persisting in his futile resistance against of unbeatable, insurmountable foe. Watch the scene closely, and listen to each sentence of the exchange between good and evil, especially the profound and convincing speech by Smith right at the end as he asked Neo “Why do you persist?”, where he masterfully explains away the Kingdom values of peace, joy, and love as illusions of mankind trying to pretend that this meaningless life has meaning.
 
And then listen to Neo’s answer…and his choice to die in order to have and give life. As my friend Chris Northcutt said last night as we spoke of our trying to live the life of meaning, passion, and purpose (that is, the life of Christ), as far as feeding and nourishing people goes, “the chicken is dedicated, but the pig is committed.”
 
My buddy Jim Spivey said that these videos “explain him”…and I feel the same about them for me.
 
“To be Christ’s is to have the miracle of self-validation or self-authentication. This deep faith that you are basically legitimate and true — that you, as a child of God, belong here, in your role — is the foundation of character, maturity, and emotional stability.  When we choose to live from the inside out, surrendering to the Kingdom of Christ and it’s ways, we find an unstoppable energy (even in the face of all of the growing number of “Agent Smiths” as you go deeper and deeper). To have courage is to operate daily from within that still point, no matter what external circumstances you confront or face.“ — My edited version of a quote from Peter Koestenbaum


Letting Go and Needing Nothing

30 January 2008
Comments (1)
“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.” – Paul, in Romans 15:1
Let me ask you a very significant question that you will want to re-read the above quote before you answer. It is a question that has resounding implications…so be careful. It can flare up your ego, or your pride, or your false-humility, or your concern to appear spiritual, or your convictions about your perceived “rights”…or a number of other things that could make your knee-jerk answer completely untrustworthy without you really knowing it. 
 
Ready? Here it is: Do you consider yourself strong or weak?
 
If you will allow me, let me usher a few of you past some things that may make this question difficult.
  • There are some of you who don’t know you are weak, because you have been taught by someone that it is not allowed. You have never allowed yourself the honest question, afraid of it’s potential (and not necessarily accurate) answer. So you answer way too quickly, and with convincing over-emphasis, that you are strong. Let that go just this once.
  • There are some of you who feel diminished right when you hear the question. You have been crushed, humiliated, and hurt and are still suffering. And so you answer way too quickly, with obvious guilt and shame, that you are weak. Let that go just this once. You may answer the same way, but don’t do it for that reason. 
  • There are some of you who have come into true humility, have found strength in your weakness, and therefore want to exhibit your strength once again by humbly acknowledging that you are weak. Let that go, too.
Okay…so with as much sobriety and honesty as you can find, do you consider yourself strong or weak?
 
Paul’s statement, if it’s true, can help us answer this question (and help us help each other answer this question).
 
1. Do you bear with the failings of the weak? – How often do you shake your head disgusted with another? How often do you make the sarcastic remarks about another’s shortcomings? How often do you emotionally “write someone off” when their faults just become too inconvenient, painful, or confusing for you? Harold J. Ockenga said, “Those who would follow Jesus now must develop His kind of patience in all sorts of human relations, no matter how exhausting or overwhelming.“ My point is that many who would say they are strong, rather than “bear with” the failings of the weak, they run from, hide from, label, dismiss, gossip about, and otherwise release themselves from responsibility of the weak. According to Paul, this is not what the strong ought to do.
 
2. Do you bear with the failings of the weak in order to please yourself? – I’ve been in the people-loving business for 22 years. When I started, I beared with the failings of the weak, to be sure, but it wasn’t for the weak. It was for me. Strange, I know, but the wrong reasons to do this right thing are innumerable. I can do it in order to feel like I’m useful. I can do it in order to look good in the eyes of my wife, or kids, or parents, or clergy, or God. I can do it because I’m dying for someone to do it for me and hope that by doing it, some sort of karma will insure that it comes back to me. I can do it trying to relieve my guilt for past failures. My point is that, according to Paul, we should do this right thing of bearing with other’s failings, but we ought also do it for the right reason. In his next breath, Paul made this clear by saying, “Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”
So…are your strong or weak?
 

I‘ve had a couple of weeks of unbelievable demands (or opportunities, depending on how you look at it) to be with some very excited, ready-to-transform, but scared and hurting people. I’ve been tempted to run, hide, overcommit, pursue, and/or stress at every turn, but instead just “let it go” and “need nothing” from any of the cast of characters in this particular scene of the play. When an opportunity to connect to someone in their pain comes, it is usually overwhelming, and you instantly start “hanging on” and “needing to succeed”…and this sabotages your ability to have peace, your ability to have joy, and ultimately, your ability to be a part of how God is “creating space” for Him to do miracles right before your eyes.
 
If I can get past my own need to prove to you that I don’t mean what I’m about to say as arrogant, I would tell you that these last two weeks I have been strong. I’m not always, but I am not only bearing with the failings of the weak, I am loving doing it purely “for them”…as if these friends are not a means to an end, but an end unto themselves for me. And it is beautiful to experience. And there is nothing more for me to do other than focus on “letting go” and letting it happen, and “needing nothing” from anyone or anything on earth.
 
“Look at the example of Jesus, with His calm acceptance of every emergency and every other situation in life.  He never hurried.  He never pursued.  He never ‘tried to make it happen.“ – Harold J. Ockenga
 
“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

 
 

Church-going or Disciple-making?

24 January 2008
Comments (4)
“If you were to ask me the question in all sincerity, ‘Lord, what would you rather me do, ‘attend church services’ or ‘make disciples’? How do you think I would respond?” – Jesus, addressing me with this provoking question in my heart yesterday when I was praying
 
At first glance, I’m tempted to answer the above question with a dismissive wave of my hand and a glimmer of ‘brilliant cleverness’ in my eyes by saying, “Both!”
 
I would say it way too loud, too, and with much self-assured authority, not admitting that I would be feeling like I had something to defend.But dog-gone it, it was Jesus asking. Such show-boating and fear and word-play never works with him.
 
If it was a mere mortal asking me the question, I would want to argue that the question is like, “What does God want you to be, a good husband or a good daddy?”
 
But it is not. To be a good daddy, you need to love your children’s mother. To be a good husband, you need to love your wife’s children. To say it another way, if you defined everything that it takes to be a good husband, being a good dad would be on the list. And if you defined everything that it takes to be good father, loving their mom would be on that list.
 
But if you defined everything that it takes to go to church, you do not have to make disciples Jesus. And to make disciples of Jesus, you do not have to go to church.
 
Okay, okay…it’s not the same question. It’s a good question.
 
Honestly, though, I don’t agree with the fear-mongering reader of this email that I’m implying that Jesus is trying to convince people that they don’t need to “go to church”. On the contrary, I merely think that he Jesus is trying to convince all church-goers and non-church goers that if you want to be a Christian, then actually engage with people in becoming more like Christ (which is what discipleship is, by the way).
 
And there is one more group that I think Jesus is addressing by asking this question…a group that I find myself in (which is sometimes painful)…church leaders.
 
Why?
  • Because preachers can be preachers for a church and not be helping people become more like Christ.
  • Because elders can be elders for a church never engage with people in the work of transformation into Christ’s image.
  • Because pastors and ministers can pastor people and minister to people in a zillion different areas or through a million different programs that have nothing to do with inviting people to imitate Jesus in heart, character, mission and priorities.
  • Because teachers can teach and teach, they can even teach “the Bible”, and fill a student’s mind with tons of incredible, non-life changing material.
I’m spending a whole lot of time “attending church” right now, even preaching and teaching within it, in order to become and make disciples of Jesus. It’s not the only way I make disciples. And it may not even be the most effective and productive way that I make disciples. But I only feel in line with Christ when, whether I’m attending church or not, I’m engaging with people in order to make disciples of Jesus Christ.
 
Time demands keep me from being a part of every opportunity that comes my way for making disciples of Jesus. So what I do prayerfully choose to be a part of, I want it to be faithful to Christ’s call on my life to dish out the best possible life available to human beings…followership and imitation of Jesus.
 
If you see anything in my work and ministry that isn’t consistent with that, you would be doing me a huge service in lovingly pointing it out.
 
May God bless us.
 
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