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The Retreat Chronicles VII – What the Maker told us to Make

12 June 2005
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“His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them…” – Matthew, talking about Jesus when he first called his followers

“Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” – Matthew, talking about Jesus as he was training his first followers

“Go and make disciples.” – Matthew, telling us what Jesus’ intentions had always been for his followers

One of the things that we didn’t have to do at our ministry retreat was discover what the over-arching purpose of Christ’s church is. There is absolutely no room for the church to be fuzzy about it’s mission. Jesus says it unequivocally, leaving it completely clear for anyone who reads the “red letters” of their Bible’s and simply believes them. The church of Jesus exist to make disciples of Jesus. Every other command, every other teaching, every other practice that can be found in Christ’s life, Christ’s teaching, and the rest of the New Testament is a servant of this Commission. If we interpret the Bible in such a way that we come up with a religious practice or rule that does not help make human beings into disciples, then we interpreted that Scripture wrong.

 

And while many of my brothers and sisters in Christ would take issue with this “theology”, the ministry team that God has assembled at the Southwest Church-that-wants-to-be-of Christ does not. There is deep unity around this thought, and it is a “conviction” of ours – in other words, something we will be accountable to God for pursuing.

 

But the commission to “make disciples”, once someone (or group of someone’s) takes it seriously, begs a further question…What is a disciple? What is it exactly that you are making when you are faithfully making a disciple?

 

Drawing on our knowledge of the Bible, our personal journeys toward discipleship, and our hope that God would speak, we set out to discover the qualities of a “discipled” person. We listened and worked and watched as God revealed to us that a person that is a follower of Christ is a person who is…

 

Peaceful, because of his absolute confidence in Christ.

Called, and as such, full of purpose and belief.

Joyful, because of how overwhelmingly good God keeps being to him.

Passionate, or said another way, willing to suffer to the point of death because of the intensity of the joy.

Relationally Surrendered, knowing that relationship with God and others are Christ’s most important priorities and only means of impact.

Self-responsible, maintaining their own dignity by being dependent on God alone, blaming no-one and no-thing for his own limiting beliefs.

Penetratingly Compassionate, seeing so clearly to the common heart in mankind (including in ourselves) that he can’t distinguish between friends and enemies.

Constantly Transforming, knowing deeply that he can’t be more like Christ by staying where he is at.

Biblically Grounded, unabashedly using the Written Word (Bible) as a guide towards the Living Word (Jesus).

Spirit-Led, acknowledging the constant and real Presence of God and His determination to speak to and move us.

Deeply Human, or said another way, owning up completely to both his own inability to be perfect and his destiny to be perfect anyway.

Dying Daily, involving the constant setting aside of his ego in every single moment of his life, so that Jesus can live for him.

 

I think it’s cool how these words that I feel God gave to us at the retreat reflect deep paradox. We are to be peaceful, but called (peacefully intense). We are to be joyful, but passionate (joyfully suffering). We are to be relationally surrendered, but self-responsible (inter-dependant). We are to be compassionate, but expecting transformation (compassionately challenging). We are to be Biblically grounded, but Spirit-led (diligently directed). We are to be deeply human, but dying daily (powerlessly powerful).

 

I tell you what…if my 3 kids end up looking like that, I believe they will end up looking like Jesus. I want them growing up in a “Christianity” that is unyielding in it’s desire to make them into it.

 

If you are reading this, test it for me. What’s missing from this list? What quality of Jesus have we left off? What quality have we put on this list that isn’t a quality of a Jesus follower?

 

 

The Realist’s Satisfaction vs. the Idealist’s Amazement

9 June 2005
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“Real leadership is about responsibility.” — Tom Heuerman

 

“If a man‘s gift is leadership, let him govern diligently.” — Paul

 

“In my role as a leader, I too often enjoy the benefits of what I don’t do.” – Yours Truly

 

As I hide out in my office, I often sit in confusion as to what to do next. It isn’t as if I don’t have ideas, I certainly do. When someone sees me excited, it is because an idea has settled in me, and for that moment, I believe that idea can come true. I love those moments, especially when those moments stretch into hours, days, and sometimes weeks. It is during those times that I feel fully alive, like I matter to Something larger than life, and like I’m fighting for something Good that lasts. It is during those time, looking back, that I have done anything that has mattered.

 

Remaining around people, work, and influences that keep me in that “spot“ of ideas, or idealism, is the labor of my life, if I want a life of diligent, responsible leadership.

 

The people that inspire me to stay there are best characterized with words like willing, real, honest, open, dreamer, learner, believer, faith-filled, risky, team-focused.

 

The work that inspires me to stay there is best characterized with words like visionary, promising, imposing, challenging, creative, mobilizing, eternally significant, life on life, risky, costly.

 

The influences that inspire me to stay there are the people, books, play, and work that characterize all of the above words.

 

The death of idealism is the death of integrity. The separation between idealism and realism is what charts the hard work of a leader. Lifting people’s eyes off of the realistic, which anyone can do, and putting them on the idealistic, which anyone can do with God’s help, is the uncommon leader’s charge. Compromise this idealism in your heart as a leader and you compromise your work, and your integrity.

 

Idealism requires faith and inspires it. Realism only requires work.

Idealism summons dreamers to work. Realism summons realists.

Idealism has the risk of really disappointing workers. Realism is completely safe from that.

Idealism has a Source that goes beyond logic and reason. Realism’s source is logic and reason.

Idealism sees something that can’t be done and pursues it. Realism sees something that can be done.

Idealism has the unlimited potential of amazing its workers. Realism has the limited potential of satisfying its workers.

 

Lots of realists reading this might really be offended, thinking that I’m talking about different kinds of people, elevating one kind over the other. I guess I sort of am, but not in the way you might think. I think these two “people” are inside of me (and you), and each one is fighting for the right to drive my life and decisions.

 

I’d love some feedback on this, because I’m not sure this is right. But to me, idealism feels like life. Realism feels like death. I know it’s an extreme, provocative statement, but it’s just how I feel (for today). A life of only accomplishing what is possible, safe from risk, doing only what makes logical & reasonable sense, with the ultimate promise of satisfaction in a job well done seems like it should be enough for me. But instead, that feels like death to my spirit.

 

But a life of being inspired to accomplish something I can’t do without supernatural help, risking my “life” for it in some way, having to believe in something that I can’t see, with the ultimate potential of experiencing amazement in a job that couldn’t be done is enough for me. More than enough.

 

The Retreat Chronicles VI: The Disciple’s Questions and Ours

9 June 2005
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“Lord, why can’t I follow you now?” – The disciple Peter’s request, reflecting his desire for Closeness with Jesus

“Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way? – The disciple Thomas’ request, reflecting his desire for Direction from Jesus

“Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” – The disciple Philip’s request, reflecting his desire for Satisfaction from Jesus

“Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?” – The disciple Judas’ request, reflecting his desire for Glory for Jesus

“Lord, let us be close to you, give us direction from you, let us be satisfied with you, make us a glory for you.” – The disciple Brian’s request, reflecting the Southwest church’s desire to make more disciples

The questions Jesus entertained from his disciples at his last ministry team retreat before his death reflected their continued confusion concerning what Jesus was doing and was wanting from them. This could have been deeply disturbing to Jesus, considering the high stress level he must have been beginning to feel as the evening crept on. But instead, I wonder if Jesus took comfort in the desires that each of their uninformed questions represented? Sure, maybe they didn’t quite understand the details of how Jesus was going to satisfy their heart’s desires, but another thing was also sure…after 3 1/2 years of walking with Jesus, they DID know that HE was the one who would!
Our ministry team awoke Friday morning, after having tasted of the true community that is available to us because of Christ Thursday night, with very similar feelings. At least I did, and the events of the day made me feel like we were all in agreement. I know I want to be closer to Jesus, I know I want direction from Jesus, I know I want to be satisfied only in Jesus, and I know I want us (the church we serve) to be a display of Jesus’ glory, but I’m a little unsure of how he plans on accomplishing it. So we launched into Objective #2 for our weekend: “To define what a ‘disciple of Jesus’ is.”

See, when Jesus gives his commission to these first followers, telling them to “Go and make disciples…”, they had the advantage of those 3 1/2 years of actually being followers. They knew exactly what a disciple was, what a disciple did, how a disciple felt…basically, they knew all the characteristics and qualities that made up a disciple of Jesus because it’s what they were. And they had the advantage of watching the one they were to imitate first hand. The way Jesus said it to them was, “All this I have spoken while still with you.” They had the advantage of the Living Word in their midst to show them what to become.

We, on the other hand, though we still have Jesus as our model, must depend on two things to know and discover what a disciple of Jesus is…1) The Written Word, that records what we know of him, and 2) the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, who will teach us all things and will remind us of everything he said to us.

And so we asked the question…what is a disciple of Jesus? We know we are supposed to “make disciples”, but what specifically does that mean? We bowed our heads Friday morning, and we asked the Father to send His Holy Spirit and teach us and remind us of everything we have learned from His Son Jesus in the written Word.

Maybe it was a silly, confused question. But because of what happened next, we think that Jesus was smiling on us because of our noble and pure desires.

Pause

1 June 2005
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“I spent this morning writing, and thinking, and studying, and planning for things that hundreds will read and hear. Then I spent lunch with my beautiful daughter, Callie. I love doing both, but I love the latter more.” – Yours Truly
 
Tomorrow I leave for a 4 day experience, a trip to New Braunfels to the Guadalupe River with the Southwest Church of Christ youth group in order to go to Schlitterbahn Water Park and on a rafting trip down the Guadalupe River, It will combine several loves of mine on this earth.
 
Love #1 – The West Houston Church of Christ youth group. For 14 years I spent my life making disciples of those students while becoming one myself. A good chunk of my life’s energy, love, and passion has already been spent…and it was on them. I’m not looking forward to the day when I return to West Houston and don’t recognize any of the students there, or when I’m not recognized by them, but for now I know almost all the students who will be meeting us on the river for the trip. And I just can’t wait to see them.
 
Love #2 – Turtle catching. Many years ago, we in the West Houston youth group converted the float trip from the simplicity of catching rays between rapids into an all-out hunt for turtle’s with our bare hands. I’m a tad obsessive about it myself, and my new friends in Amarillo laugh at me, but I will be quite at home on that raft with a team of fellow obsessors, trying to add to the final, all-group count of turtles. Our group record is 52. Everyone tries to make it a competition between rafts, but I refuse to let go of the idealistic, teamwork-feel of the overall count. I guess I love the turtle catching because of the small element of risk involved, combined with the connection to nature, the shared sense of victory among us with each catch, and the redemption of hours of sitting into something with a purpose (shallow as it may be).
 
Love #3 – My son. I’m traveling with my 5-year-old son, Shade, on this trip. Of all the things I’m excited about, I can’t stop thinking about being with Shade for 4 days. Even the long car ride gets me excited to just get out with him and eat at fast-food restaurants. I can’t wait for the Southwest group to get to know him, for the West Houston group to see him, and for him to acclimate to being in a raft with a dozen 10-15 pound turtles crawling around. We’ll be camping together, playing together…just being together. I hope that I have the wisdom to do this kind of thing with every one of my kids, every chance I get, without exception. I’m still somewhat vulnerable to my own expectations of myself in area’s that matter only a fraction as much as they matter, and am often prone to sacrificing their spirits because of my inability to stay fully present in each moment, fully aware of God’s priorities for me.
 
I am in a position to have nominal influence on hundreds of people. It’s a humbling reality, and one I take very seriously, sometimes to the point of being overwhelmed with fear or anxiety. But with these kids, whom I have a major influence on, I am given the gift of pause to remember what really matters.
 
Today at lunch, when I took Callie out for a date to Rosa’s (where she got to experience cheese dip for the first time), she asked me to watch her dance and jumped out of her seat and started spinning. She just wanted me to watch, and see that she is lovely, and tell her so. “Like a princess,” she said. What an honor. What an honor. I can’t get over it. (insert long pause here). What an honor.
 
And I told her to sit down and finish eating. God, help me pause. And thank you that Callie still asked me dance with her when we got home. And thank you for the dance. Thank You.
 
 

The Retreat Chronicles V – Enjoying True Community

31 May 2005
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“We live in a numb society, feeling life’s difficult things at such a fleeting and superficial level, constantly seeking our own comfort, enjoyment, recreation, relaxation, safety, and security in response, often at the expense of each other and our own souls.  This is even true in and among our church communities, where we tend to pretty ourselves up for each other and then pretend to play nice, making up that that is what God wants us to be:  happy-looking, quiet, well-behaved children.  We dare not really notice and feel each other’s pain, because we might have to look at and experience our own, and there is just not enough time or compassion in the whole world for that, the well is just too deep.” — Jim Spivey
 
“I hear many cries for unity in the church today, while a watching world sees divisiveness (and hypocrisy about that) as our greatest failure.  Out of my experience as a surgeon with the nervous system in the human body, I would propose a unity based on tending to each other’s pain as a unifying theme.” — Dr. Paul Brand
 
“Do you understand what I have done for you?” — Jesus, to his followers
 
 
It’s a powerful question that Jesus asked. It’s one that even caused these overly committed, willing-to-do-anything, zealous followers of Jesus to pause and reflect. And I’m not talking about the first disciples at their last retreat in that Passover room with Jesus…I’m talking about the Ministry Team that I sat with at Ceta Canyon when we let Jesus ask us the same thing.
 
We allowed Jesus to look us as a group in the eyes and ask, “Do you understand what I have done for you?”
 
I’m going to be honest. I have preached between 50-60 sermons over this last year, primarily telling people what Jesus has done for them (and me). Before that I bet I’ve given no less than 1500 talks explaining the same thing. And doggone it if I don’t just stop and look blankly at the floor with eyes wide open as I drift off into never-land trying to understand what Jesus has done for me.
 
It’s amazing to me how pondering that question, sincerely dwelling on and meditating on that question, whenever I take the time to do it, always, always, always leads me into truer community (with God AND with people). Always. And if you’ll refer to Objective #1 in the piece entitled “Retreat Chronicles I – Scary Excitement” on my blog, you’ll know that that is exactly what we were trying to co-create with God at Ceta Canyon.
 
I will never do justice explaining what happened in me, and among us, on Thursday night of this retreat…at least not in words. I’ve had experiences of true community before. Shoot, I believe I’m one of the lucky ones in life who has been able to swim around and drown in it. So I know it by heart (and I mean that literally). My heart is only home in true Christian intimacy. Everything else in life is either a distraction to it or a setup for it (And even the distractions are setups in disguise).
 
So instead of doing the disservice of trying to write down what each of us shared and experienced, I’m going to commit my life to multiplying it as many times as humanly possible in as many settings as God will grant me access to with as many people as I can be in relationship with.
 
Why? Because when you find yourself in an unconditionally loving environment, that is teaching you the truth, modeling for you what it looks like to live in it, challenged to join in yourself, remembering what Jesus did for you so that you can have it, surrounded by people willing to go with you, freed to be you no matter what state you find yourself in, and celebrated when you take the real-life step of faith into this true community…you are never the same. And words won’t be able to adequately describe it.
 
Go ahead. Test me in this. If you know any of us (just look us up at www.churchsouthwest.org under “staff”), ask us to describe Thursday night of our Ministry Retreat. We’ve got some freakin’ talented, articulate people on this team…so ask ’em…and then listen when they finish. I bet they’ll say something like, “You just have to experience it.” It will also have a hint of both “I loved it” and “I hated it”.
 
So I’m closing out the Chronicles concerning Thursday night, and concerning Objective #1 (see Retreat Chronicles I) leaving you wanting, with only the 3 quotes above as a clue. I really am sorry, but I could easily write a page about each person and the impact each had on just me, let alone try to tackle recording the entire dynamic. It’s just a little too overwhelming for me to try to get my mind around.
 
Very similar, in fact, to the effect that the question of Jesus has on me…”Do you understand what I have done for you?” Stop and meditate on that right now, and you’ll get why I’m having to move on to Objective #2:  To define what a “disciple of Jesus” is.

The Retreat Chronicles IV – The Letter

31 May 2005
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“I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” – Jesus, to his Father, about his followers

A little over a year before this ministry team retreat, back when I was discerning whether I was supposed to move to the Southwest Church in Amarillo or plant a church in Urban Houston, I wrote a letter. It was just a discerning tool, for me, but it was addressed the ministry team of the Southwest church. I was in one of those glorious moments when idealistic thinking seems to be the only worthy thinking (which is true all of the time, but only seems to be true some of the time). And after a year of ministry with this new ministry team, I stumbled upon it in an old, beat up white-pad in my Amarillo office. I read it slowly…noting how many of these ideals we were already operating under, and how many we still have before us to realize. At any rate, in the middle of our Thursday “journey in” to true community with each other, I trusted that now was the time to deliver it to the team I didn’t know when I wrote it…

To my new ministry team:

We must become an authentic community of disciple makers, with each other and with those we come into contact with. We must be committed to our own and one another’s continued growth and transformation, and do so by giving each other permission into our lives hardest places, understanding and fighting against the gravity of fear, always focusing on the heart, knowing that it always takes the unusual commitment of time and courage.

For this to happen, the distance between what we are learning and what we are teaching must disappear. The commitment to “image management” with each other must be replaced by blind, “my heart is on the line here”, trust. Our usefulness, goodness, humility, mutual care, giftedness, and priority of families are among the things that must be assumed as present in each other, so that we don’t need to waste words and time making sure that each other views us as those things. And we need not be hindered by the difficulties, conflicts, and inconveniences that come from becoming so relationally integrated because we know going in that’s how its supposed to be. Forgiveness will flow freely among us, but will never be taken advantage of or used as an excuse for relational irresponsibility in us towards each other. We choose this narrow and difficult road with each other because we know it’s God’s true design for His people. We will relish in the moments that the fruit of this intimacy is sweet and be full of hope when it seems sour — knowing that it only seems so for a time.

Prayer must become our favorite thing and acknowledged as our most productive time spent – personally and with each other. We mustn’t define or “standardize” what each person’s prayer life looks like, but we mustn’t use that freedom to define a prayer life that is less than absolute dependence. Work time spent in prayer for the body and the Kingdom and each other is the best time spent.

Scripture must become the story book that authoritatively shapes and molds our hearts. (For no one can be great and be more head than heart). We must distance our commitment to “know the Word”, with the higher commitments of “being who the Word says we are”, and “doing what it says we can do”, letting the stories shape and protect our hearts, rather than letting it’s rules simply be known in our heads (for example, we can “know” a peacemaker is blessed, or we can “be” a peacemaker). In all situations we look to the living Word, Jesus, to guide us in our choices.

We refuse to look at each other as simply “saved” and therefore “done”. We watch each other in awe as God continues to make us more perfect and pleasing to Him, and we stand amazed as God gives us each ever-growing platforms of influence on people. We acknowledge and confess pride or jealousy as it comes – to God and to each other, knowing that “saying it” has something to do with our ability to “let it go”. We see everyone we meet with the same eyes that we’ve learned to see each other with and those people feel and sense the potential freedom in their grasp just by how we look at them.

We are unabashedly about people, and as such are eager to use money and multiplication as tools to prune our lives of things and tasks that steal time from people. We are understandably reluctant to take on new tasks that would steal time from people, but excited to take on new tasks that would increase our contact with people, or “our people’s” contact with people. We are absolutely unyielding when tempted to compromise our own personal time committed to solitude, family, physical health, spiritual health, and fun because of our long term, relentless commitment to people and we help each other constantly to guard and adjust to this people agenda.

Our “jobs” are constantly being designed and discovered, constantly shaped by our personal passion, influencing of people for Christ, the priority of the heart, the goal of disciple making, the mantra of ‘doing less better’. Pruning is a skill we develop and learn to desire and look forward to, knowing that only by cutting off a fruit-bearing branch will more abundant fruit grow.

Workers in the body will be our primary “customers” that we service. We work to help workers succeed in ministry. Those willing to grow in their love of God and love of others (which is the definition of work) as a priority in their life will feel God’s approval and pleasure on them through ours. We respond to and trust workers over mere thinkers. What the skeptic, the critic, and the by-stander get from us is a challenge and invitation to work. While we love and believe in every person God sends our way, we maintain their dignity and invite them into their own destiny by refusing to adjust our life’s work according to their own weaknesses, hurts, misconceptions and mediocre desires.

We are a ‘called’ group of people and we live in and act out of the deep confidence that comes from a person who is responding to the Caller, desiring nothing but His pleasure.

Pursuing the Abundant Life of Jesus, Brian Mashburn

Fear Infection

27 May 2005
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“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” — Doyle Corder, quoting someone famous that he couldn’t quite remember
 
“You who fear him, trust in the LORD — he is their help and shield.” – Psalm 15:11
 
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” – The Apostle John
We are all so afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of each other. Afraid of being wrong. Afraid of being told we are wrong even when we are confident we are right. Afraid of judgments. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid. We are all so afraid.
 
I’m interrupting the Retreat Chronicles to tell the quick story of a technology minister, Craig, who worked at the West Houston Church of Christ in Houston, TX. After years of  having to spell out c-o-f-c over and over, in person and on the phone and in emails, he changed the web address of the West Houston church website from www.westhoustoncofc.org to www.westhoustonchurch.org, which solved the minor, but frequent, irritation.
 
The tech minister moved to Amarillo, to the Southwest Church of Christ, and upon his arrival here, borrowed quickly on his experience in Houston, and changed the address from www.southwestcofc.org to www.churchsouthwest.org (southwestchurch was taken, probably because there are about 5 billion southwest church’s in this nation), saving us, too, from the small, but regular, inconvenience of having to spell it out. Awesome…
 
…Sort of. I got a call today from a brother who said several have approached him wondering if this change is reflective of our move from our Church of Christ heritage (including, but not limited to, the possibility of changing the name on our church sign). From what I could gather in both the love and frustration of this brother is that this is somewhat a regular thing for him to encounter. Little, normal, innocent things take place, and they trigger people’s fears. In this case, the fear of change. And also in this case, it even has the power to expose a spirit of distrust, leading to a wave of fear-invoking conversations, potentially leading even to a spirit of accusation (a word used to describe our Arch-Enemy) among FAMILY. It’s amazing, and quite honestly, it outlines one of the things I’m most afraid of.
 
I’m afraid of people’s fear. People (including me) do horrible things in their fear. As I am typing this, one of our other ministers came in to tell me that this exact same fear came up in a Bunko (some card game, I think) conversation last night…Wow. He said he’s resigning…and even though he insists that he is serious, I don’t think he is. He’ll probably be here Sunday, loving the fearful people that we are exactly like. I think it’s his fear that would make him want to quit. I know that it is mine.
 
Fear really is an infection. We all have it, and we all spread it to each other. As far as I know, there is only one thing that works to heal it.
 
Trust.
 
Okay, maybe there are two things…love works, too. But I really think that they work hand in hand on this one. Why are we so afraid? It’s so dog-gone unwise to be afraid of such small things.
 
Wisdom (which means, “thinking like God”) actually comes from fear, but only from one kind. Fear of the Lord. Those who are have fear of the Lord are not shaken by the change of a website addresses, nor are they shaken by those who are shaken by the change of website addresses.
 
Fear of the Lord…It’s the beginning of wisdom. Sometimes I don’t think I’ve even begun the journey of thinking like God, the journey towards wisdom. Things like this point out that I have lots of company. God help us.
 
Unless God screams at us through a modern day equivalent of a burning bush, the servant-leadership of the Southwest Church of Christ has no intention of changing the name on our sign outside the building where we meet. The job we have our sites on is not nearly that easy…we intend on calling every member that meets inside the building to actually live up to what is on the sign. To be a church that is actually “of Christ”. We’ll know when that happens…the name of a website won’t scare us.
 

The Retreat Chronicles III – Guaranteeing True Community

24 May 2005
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“Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” — Jesus, to his followers
We’re not stupid. We know the right, churchy answers. Shoot, we’re the ones teaching them to everyone we come across. This is a “ministry staff” retreat, for Pete’s sake. We’ve committed our lives to dishing out Jesus to everyone we know. We know what Jesus told his followers…
 
To give up everything, all attachments to this world, and attach to him.
To die to ourselves, letting our lives be at his disposal for others.
To love each other in a way that it is humanly impossible, so that the world knows that Jesus is God’s son.
 
But we were (once again) on the longest journey of any human being’s life…the remarkably difficult and adventurous 12 inch journey from “knowing” in our heads to “living” from our hearts.
 
Back at Jesus’ “ministry staff” retreat in John 13, Jesus had just washed his followers feet and reiterated that they should love each other in the same extreme, unpopular, detail-oriented, inconvenient way that he has loved them…and that it’s mandatory if they want to be blessed.
 
We’re not stupid. We know this story. We know this simple teaching. But here we are at our “ministry retreat” with Jesus looking at each other, wondering what the next step is. How do we love each other, give ourselves to each other, care for each other in such a way as to be a real, true blessing…and so receive one.
 
We needed Jesus in the room, coaching us. And we had him, in all of us. We started with prayer, pairing up with our spouses and praying with eyes wide open, heads up, looking around the room at each other, we all asked God, “Lord, let us give ourselves to these people.” It was cool.
 
My wife and I took turns praying as we went around the room…”Lord, give us to Bruce and Edie…bless Bob and Caron through us…bless Doyle and Christy’s marriage by sharing ours with them…let us be weak, God, so that Jesus can be strong to Landon and Kristen through us…give us to Craig and Vicky…give us to Kyle and Jen…give us to Jim…give us to Brad and Karen…give us to Phil and Kim…” and on and on we went. It looked right, and it suddenly felt like we sealed the deal for the course of the day by praying for it. God was going to answer. He was going to show us, coach us, and bless us in how to “wash each other’s feet” today.
 

The Retreat Chronicles II – Rules of Participation

20 May 2005
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“Do you understand what I have done for you?” — Jesus, to his followers
 
I admit it…I pretty much can’t do anything without checking out Jesus’ life and seeing if he’s already done it for me to use as a model. So, in the final days of prep for this retreat, I went straight to John’s record of Jesus’ final retreat with his followers. After all, what were we, if not a group of Jesus’ follower’s meeting with Jesus?
 
Did I tell you that the retreat was at a place called Ceta Canyon? Absolutely beautiful, but my nervous focus on my role all weekend made me miss enjoying it fully. Before we went there, we stopped at Feldman’s Wrong-Way Cafe’ in Canyon, TX, where we had a big table reserved in the back room (a “last supper” of sorts?). This is where I laid out the focus on Jesus, the Retreat Objectives (see last post), and then charted “The Journey In” towards experiencing Objective #1. A guy named Scott Peck says that the journey into true community passes through 4 stages — something like this…
 
Pseudo-community – where politeness and niceness reign, boundaries and comfort zones are honored
Chaos – where emotional skeletons come out of the closet to play (this is where most efforts stop)
Reflection – a time of transition to a radical level of openness and realness
True Community – where the capacity for ‘relatedness’ and ‘safety’ reign and is given and enjoyed
 
And so we continued our combined effort out at Ceta Canyon by agreeing to the following “Agreements/Assumptions” with each other for the day…
 
1. You are here by divine appointment. (meaning you are needed, and you need us)
2. You are a participant (so be self-responsible enough to include yourself)
3. You are not the only participant (so include yourself in a way that draws others out)
4. You are safe (who shepherd’s the shepherd’s? The shepherd’s shepherd each other)
5. Stay in the conversation when it gets difficult (conflict is ‘fuel’ for true community when love reigns)
6. Invite people back when the ‘leave’ (and ‘leaving’ doesn’t necessarily mean leaving the room)
 
Lots of head nodding went on in that room along with several blank stares. All of this particular group had general agreement that true community is an ideal we would shoot for, and have experienced it at different levels and at different times, but still, nerves were a little high…but so was courage.
 
We continued by meditating on Jesus’ question for us if we were to venture one step deeper into our relationships with each other or with God…”Do you understand what I have done for you?”
 
It’s a meditation worthy of your pause and asking right now. Understanding what Jesus has done for you, it’s width and breadth, it’s depth and height, is the absolute trump card for anything that keeps a human being from true community.
 
I know that my son doesn’t understand what I have done for him when I do something as simple as play with him. I’m sure that my daughter doesn’t understand what I am doing for her when I send her a postcard when I’m out of town. I’m sure my son doesn’t understand what I have done for him when I bow to God beside his crib, begging God’s blessing on him. And these are relatively simple acts compared to what Jesus has done for me.
 
Do you understand what Jesus has done for you? Do you? If you do, people will recognize you when they see you. You are the one who lives out these “rules of participation” every day with peace and joy. Not some self-affirming trumped up version of it, mind you (like “I’m very blunt. I tell everyone what I think all the time.”), but a real presence that invites the best out of the other person with little regard for what it costs you to help them do so.
 
Sort of like what Jesus has done for you.
 
 
 

The Retreat Chronicles I – Scary Excitement

19 May 2005
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“Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.” — John, talking about Jesus about to wash his follower’s feet
 
“Unless I wash you, you have no part of me.” – Jesus to Peter, who thought it inappropriate and not “God-like” for Jesus to wash his feet.
 
“Then, Lord, not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” – Peter’s response, reflecting his deep desire to have total part of Jesus
 
I am in an enviable position. I am surrounded by men and women who are moved deeply from their hearts, longing for more of Jesus, more of life. This means that I have an intimate fellowship of people who are unified around the same race in life that I am in…not the rat race…but the Marathon of Transformation. We want, like Peter, to be immersed into Jesus…whatever that means, that is what we want. I am very blessed to have such intimate community.
 
I went on a three-day retreat last week with 16 of these folks. The weekend was preceded by 40 days of prayer and fasting where our leadership pleaded for an hour a day with God, asking Him to bless the Southwest church, a called out group of Christ-followers that we love and serve. The weekend also marked my first year of having been sent to this place, to this group of fellow journeyers and I confess I had high expectations for the weekend and no clue how to facilitate it or what to even facilitate…even though that particular job was clearly mine. 
 
This kind of thing brings out the best and worst in me. My insides feel like a car when someone hits both the gas and brakes as hard as they can at the same time. I’m fueled to ‘go’ but scared to at the same time. I’m ready for ‘it’, but not ready for ‘it’ at the same time. I have an important role to play, which I love and long for, but I’m not good or talented enough to play it at the same time. I never told my group that I considered canceling the retreat several times as it came upon us on the calendar. It didn’t help that some of them would’ve rejoiced at the idea.
 
It wasn’t until the week of the event that I felt like God exposed to me four objectives He wanted me have faith that He would deliver on…faith goals, if you will. They were:
 
1.      To create, experience, and enjoy the authentic, Christ-centered community with one another that we would like to create in our church community.
2.      To define what a “disciple of Jesus” is.
3.      To discover and articulate the atmosphere necessary to transform into a disciple of Jesus.
4.      To determine Southwest’s specific structure that we are to use to deliver that atmosphere.
 
I was energized by the thought that God would send these to us, that I would get to play a role in watching it unfold out of our community, but equally intimidated by their immensity. But Thursday came, everyone gathered, we loaded up…and off we went.
 
I shared the load with them first thing, and they received it with graciousness. Then we shared it with God by just tapping into our deepest desire by praying together…”Lord, not just my feet but my hands and my head as well.” It felt so good to pray that. To shamelessly ask Jesus to completely immerse us in himself felt like it was bringing a tear to his eye. At first the prayer sounded selfish to me, but as we repeated it over and over, before long, it felt like a request that just might bring a tear to his eye.
 
I know how I feel when my daughter Callie asks me to look at how beautiful she is in her princess dress. I know how I feel with my son Shade asks me to play in the fort with him outside. I know how I feel when my son Jakin comes crying to me asking for my comfort through a hug. I guess from one perspective, you could say they were being selfish in those requests. But from the truer perspective you would say they were asking from me what I am dying to give to them…myself.
 
The stage was set, we sat as the expectant audience of God’s coming onto the stage, but looking at each other. We were on our way to seeing if He would deliver on Faith Goal #1…
 
I’m going to attempt to Chronicle what happened next, although words and time and space won’t allow for it all to be delivered. But I think I need to attempt to write it so that I will remember…how good God is, how much He loves me, how He sent Jesus for this, and how I am to live it out for the rest of my life.

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