{"id":147,"date":"2008-05-16T17:04:00","date_gmt":"2008-05-16T17:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brianmashburn.net\/?p=147"},"modified":"2008-05-16T17:04:00","modified_gmt":"2008-05-16T17:04:00","slug":"we-criticize-what-we-are","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/?p=147","title":{"rendered":"We criticize what we are."},"content":{"rendered":"
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“Criticism is usually a form of indirect exhibitionism:  what we deride so dramatically in others is actually a flagrant display of our own denied or disowned unsavory traits, whereas generous acceptance of and providing loving latitude for others tends to reflect a humble, surrendered acceptance of these things about ourselves.”<\/em> <\/span>— Harville Hendrix<\/p>\n

“We can’t be with, listen to, or speak to, what we can’t own about ourselves.” <\/span><\/em>— Jim Spivey<\/span><\/font><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/span> <\/div>\n
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged.”<\/em> – Jesus<\/font>
<\/font><\/span>
“<\/span>Watch and listen to yourself very carefully. <\/span>Scrutinize what you so rudely criticize. ‘<\/span>There’s gold in them thar’ hills,‘<\/span> …<\/span>at least the gold of self-awareness.<\/em>“<\/em> – Jim Spivey<\/span><\/font><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/font><\/span> <\/div>\n
I have found this to be true in my life. <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/font><\/span> <\/div>\n
When I derided my fellow Christians for not walking their talk, I was not walking mine.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
When I put down the arrogance I could see in others so sure of their beliefs, it was because I was so arrogant in mine.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
When I acted like I wanted to vomit at the lack of courage in any church leadership group, it was because I wanted to vomit at mine.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
When I judged that someone’s zeal was being spent on worthless, non-eternal things, so was mine.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
When I sarcastically scoffed at the “way other people were,” it was because I was not fully secure in the way I was.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
When I got hot about legalists inability to treat people who disagreed with them like people, it was a reflection of my inability to treat legalists like people.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span> <\/div>\n
How quick I am to point out (and not always outwardly to them, but inwardly to myself) where other people’s flaws lay. It so effectively takes my attention off of my own flaws, which in turn lets me fantasize about how I’m not like that, which in turn makes me pretend I’m better than I truly feel I am…and it is all so intoxicating and drug-like.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span> <\/div>\n
I know that you know there is such a thing as “constructive criticism”. <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/font><\/span> <\/div>\n
But you do also know that there is such a thing as “constructive non-criticism,” too, right? Or maybe even something called “introspective non-criticism”.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/font><\/span> <\/div>\n
Until we have really mastered the latter, maybe we shouldn’t practice the former much at all…humble and afraid that what we call constructive criticism might not be very constructive at all.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/font><\/span> <\/div>\n
What do you criticize? Why? Why do they matter to you? Do you notice all the many things wrong in the world and wrong with people that you DON’T seem to be so passionately critical of? Why? Why do those things get a pass? <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/font><\/span> <\/div>\n
Maybe there is gold in the answer to those questions for each of us.  <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
 <\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Criticism is usually a form of indirect exhibitionism:  what we deride so dramatically in others is actually a flagrant display of our own denied or disowned unsavory traits, whereas generous acceptance of and providing loving latitude for others tends to reflect a humble, surrendered acceptance of these things about ourselves.” — Harville Hendrix “We can’t be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-147","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pO6nf-2n","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=147"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=147"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=147"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.brianmashburn.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=147"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}